Anyone else see the double standards?

[NEVERQUIT3331]

We see posts of where a guy is 33, 34 going out with a 21, 22 year old woman (he is seen as predatory, rapist etc..

But we do not see the same outrage when women that are 40s have flings, relationships with men that are in their early/mid twenties.

In fact we see sometimes in newspapers where older women see it as complimentary that they are able to get a guy that is 20 -25 years old younger than them to go out with them.

Don't see it being applauded in the press.

So feel equally icky about it regardless of gender of either party involved.

The age difference in your OP is fine 12/13 years I'd have no issue if both are of sound mind.
It's a bit grim after 20 odd years if the younger partner is early 20's from both men and women.
Especially if they knew them growing up i.e A friends son or daughter.

I always thought it was weird in Friends when Monica who was then about 30 was shown dating a young man she assumed to be a college graduate. Everything was fine but then she found out he was a High School graduate . She had to act like she was almost physically sick. A bit later she dated her father's friend looking every bit his age, who just happened to have been her childhood dentist and had adult children her age. Was anybody retching? No, some mild irony as I recall. Point is the assumptions must have at least have been fairly culturally commonplace in the USA then and probably now also.

I'm 43 and my eldest son is 26 so we'll into adulthood and there's not much I could say if he decided to go out with someone in their 40s. If think I'd odd though and certainly wouldn't have a relationship with someone in their 20s myself

I've never seen it being applauded in the press, quite the opposite. Caroline Flack and Harry Styles spring to mind.

I think if a young man is attracted to an older woman it is because she is sexually experienced. I get chatted up by younger men but no way would i go there. The groomimg thing is ick for both genders.

I agree with you that older women who date younger men are celebrated while older men who date younger women are seen as pathetic old creeps,

I ageee with this

I don’t know anyone who didn’t think it was gross when (then) Sam Taylor Wood started dating Aaron Johnson when he was 18 and she was in her forties. Madonna is also frequently ridiculed for her various 20 something dancer boyfriends. I think it’s essentially to do with power dynamics. Fewer people have an issue with Rosie HW and Jason Statham or Florence Pugh and Zach Braff, presumably because they’re considered to be on a more equal footing.

malificent7

I think if a young man is attracted to an older woman it is because she is sexually experienced. I get chatted up by younger men but no way would i go there. The groomimg thing is ick for both genders.

I really don’t think this is the majority of the case. I think they’re attracted to mental and emotional stability and probably have some emotional issues from childhood themselves

I think the older women in the relationship probably would like to think that it’s about sexual maturity convincing themselves that they have competitive advantage sexually over the younger ladies in the eyes of their young lover.

But I honestly quite frankly think that the advantage they hold is really one of emotional maturity. They’re probably still attractive enough for the young lad but what is going to keep the relationship going is the emotional maturity.

Which is why it’s a bit of a problem when the man is of an age where their emotional maturity hasn’t yet fully developed.. because they will become dependant emotionally and it becomes like a mother child relationship whixh is quite ick

Everyone I know thinks the Sam Taylor Johnson situation was rank, and that she’s a predator.

It is a different dynamic when the man is younger. Generally younger men will target the older woman, rather than the other way round. And mostly they just want sex, or a casual relationship. They will pursue quite hard for this and then usually vanish afterwards.

You don’t really get that with younger women. They don’t target older men for sex only and chase for it.

Generally in both scenarios the man has done the pursuit.

You don’t really get that with younger women. They don’t target older men for sex only and chase for it.

That’s untrue.. honestly. Many young girls with daddy complexes do seek out older men in the exact same way that younger men do.

@DeepThinkingGirl

You don’t really get that with younger women. They don’t target older men for sex only and chase for it.

That’s untrue.. honestly. Many young girls with daddy complexes do seek out older men in the exact same way that younger men do.

Daddy issues women generally want relationships rather than just sex. Most of the young men only want sex.

Ultimatecougar

Honestly I think it’s both ways. Older men who date young girls also convince themselves that it’s because they’re sexually experienced. It’s not.

Both young people seeking out much older people are for emotional security they’re lacking.. and the sex is just what they feel they know how to connect to that at their young age.

Men aren’t solely sexual beasts. We need to stop propagating

I think the older women in the relationship probably would like to think that it’s about sexual maturity convincing themselves that they have competitive advantage sexually over the younger ladies in the eyes of their young lover.

Is it really not at all possible that they might enjoy sex with a fit young body for its own sake, as we know many men do? Or even just feelinv attractive, with no bearing on anyone else Does? Does it have to be about disliking other women?

Is the idea of women just inherently enjoying sex for its own sake so puzzling that it needs to be explained via inherent bitchiness? We are more likely to want to beat other women than to have a inherent sex drive?

DrSbaitso

I’m discussing the claims on this thread that younger men are seeking older women for sexual maturity.

You’ve missed my point and projected your own dilemmas.

I don’t think either men or women involved deserved the bitchiness..

But propagating the idea that younger men are seeking out older women just for sex and that they’re the driving force is completely taking away responsibility from the older women.. and in the cases I’ve mentioned on this thread whixh im
Focused on, it’s dangerous as those women need to question if it’s predatory behaviour.

Relationships aren’t just sex.. emotional connection is important to both men and women and to confine it to just sex is convenient to point the blame at the men.. and never hold any woman responsible

@DeepThinkingGirl

DrSbaitso

I’m discussing the claims on this thread that younger men are seeking older women for sexual maturity.

You’ve missed my point and projected your own dilemmas.

I don’t think either men or women involved deserved the bitchiness..

But propagating the idea that younger men are seeking out older women just for sex and that they’re the driving force is completely taking away responsibility from the older women.. and in the cases I’ve mentioned on this thread whixh im
Focused on, it’s dangerous as those women need to question if it’s predatory behaviour.

Relationships aren’t just sex.. emotional connection is important to both men and women and to confine it to just sex is convenient to point the blame at the men.. and never hold any woman responsible

I grasped your overly simplistic "point" (not hard) and am intrigued that, after assuming older women must have a bitchy reason to go witj younger men, and deciding that nobody could disagree with you unless they have a "dilemma" (?), you feel fit to lecture people about their own projection.

You say that you were discussing the reasons for younger men seeking older women in the paragraph I quoted, but it was actually about the reasons for older women seeking younger men. And your conclusion was that they must just want to "(convince) themselves that they have competitive advantage sexually over the younger ladies". Nothing to do with inherent desire. Nothing to do with enjoying it for its own sake.

Projection, indeed.

I think you're wrong. The only examples that come to me of women in the media dating much younger men are Cheryl Cole, Caroline Flack and Madonna and all three of those have been roundly criticised and mocked. Whereas big celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio have been dating younger for years (I would say he is gently ribbed for that rather then criticised) Scott Disick has just got himself another 19 year old girlfriend despite being a father in his late 30s. It seems to me to be almost expected when men do it.

I date younger men, although not below 30 usually, as I am 50.

Leaving aside boys who are so young they are actually children, which is obviously wrong, most young men are very keen on pursuing women of all ages. Often it isn't the age specifically they target, they just want sex and for a sex only basis they don't really care about age.

I online date and my filters are set to 30+, but it's also common to find men of around 20 putting older ages to get around the filters because they have a milf fetish. These aren't vulnerable boys at all, they are chasing sex quite aggressively and show all the hallmarks of a 'pump and dump' playboy.

As for why I date younger? Who wouldn't want a hot younger man in their bed? It's a visual thing. But 30 something is young enough. I feel confident these are men, not boys and and not taking advantage of anyone.

With age gap relationships of any sex pairing, I often feel that the actual gap itself is less of an issue than the age of the younger partner. A 20 year age gap is a lot, but I'm less concerned about a 35 year old with a 55 year old than I am about an 18 year old with a 38 year old.

I agree with pp in that it is all to do with the balance of power, I am 10 years older than dh, we met when he was 23, he is highly intelligent, was starting a good career in his field which is where we met, he has always had a mature personality and I know he thought very long and hard about our relationship and his commitment to my dd. Because of his attitude and sensible approach his parents were always fully supportive, wonderful to me and dd as were his wider family.
My own mother was scpectical to say the least but 25 years later I dont think she ever notices the age difference.

as to some of the high profile pairings we read about it is always the balance of power that strikes me (or lack of) Joan Collins and her dh seem very well balanced, mainly because he was an adult when they met, he had his own career and money, the likes of Courtney Stodden and the Hamlin girls relationship with such older men just seem so wrong to me because of the lack of power the girls hold.

@stackemhigh

I don't see women being celebrated for dating younger men.

Any examples?

Joan Collins' latest squeeze is 31 years her junior! What about Madame Macron, their relationship started when she was his teacher! Would the reverse be accepted, even in France? 68 cf 43!

I just don't see it very much tbh. I see countless threads on here about divorced ex's shacking up with younger women, I also see younger female posters with older DHs, but I never hear about it the other way round.

What about Madame Macron, their relationship started when she was his teacher!

And most importantly he was 15. I’m so shocked this is being brushed aside. Notably because a president shouldn’t be seen as a victim of grooming and needs his judgement respected..

We are meant to believe that at the age of 15 he was so smart and witty that he wasn’t an average 15 year old and therefore he is an exception to the rule.

Just imagine a predator reading that and thinkng they can extrapolate