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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH going to the pub...

67 replies

happyface42 · 18/04/2021 22:37

Very hormonal pregnant lady here and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

I'm currently 40+3 weeks pregnant and OH has gone to the pub tonight with his Dad. I thought he was driving there so knew because of that he could only have 2 pints. However he's just been dropped off so now I know his Dad drove, he walked straight passed me on the sofa because he didn't see me sitting there which I thought was odd then when he finally sees me I can see in his eyes he's had more than two. So I've challenged him and he's said he had 2 and a half pints, he said he only feels a bit drunk because he hasn't drunk in so long and he's fine and would be fine to drive me to the hospital if things starts (hospital is 40 mins away). But whether he's fine or not he's over the limit and I can see in his eyes he isn't sober and he also smells of beer. He isn't rolling around drunk by any means but I feel so let down by him and wouldn't feel confident getting in a car with him tonight. AIBU to have just had a massive go at him and stormed off to bed?

OP posts:

VegCheeseandCrackers · 19/04/2021 09:57

I would be pissed off that he went at all. That was a very selfish move of him. We all have cabin fever atm but if your partner is heavily pregnant you don't get to go to the pub and have drinks. Totally irresponsible and selfish on his part IMO.

MaskingForIt · 19/04/2021 10:08

you could have called an ambulance if you couldn’t afford a taxi.

Ambulances aren’t a taxi service for the poor and feckless. If she can’t afford a taxi, how on Earth is she going to afford a baby?!

trevthecat · 19/04/2021 10:17

You could call an ambulance??
My sister went into labour at 33 weeks, 200 miles away from home, everyone had had a drink (they were away for a wedding) apart from her but she didn't drive, they didn't want to send an ambulance and even threatened to charge her because it's not a life threatening reason and she could get a taxi.

Don't ring an ambulance unless it's a life threatening reason.

Brefugee · 19/04/2021 10:23

I went from "no idea when the baby is coming' to holding that baby in just under an hour with my second. Nearly gave birth in the hospital car park.

Good luck OP, you'll be fine, but in your shoes if I couldn't get " no alcohol until the baby is born" from DH I'd be very ostentiously making new plans where he isn't involved at all

Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 10:35

Blimey the hysteria on here. She didn’t need to call an ambulance or a taxi so there is no issue.

SaucyHorse · 19/04/2021 10:38

My partner completely abstained from drinking from 38 weeks or so. If a woman can give up drinking for 9+ months to carry the baby safely I don't see why the father can't give it up for maybe 1 month maximum to be ready to do the only tiny part of the whole job that he is responsible for.

TimeForTeaAndG · 19/04/2021 10:41

She didn’t need to call an ambulance or a taxi so there is no issue.

And you don't see anything wrong with the person who is meant to drive her when she is in labour, going out and getting drunk when she is already past her due date?

denverRegina · 19/04/2021 10:42

"Blimey the hysteria on here. She didn’t need to call an ambulance or a taxi so there is no issue."

"Blimey" "Gosh" "Hysteria"

You really are very surprised all the time aren't you? Either that or it's as obvious as it seems, you're just here for the kicks you get trying to make others feel inadequate.

Ringing an ambulance for a lift to the hospital cause your husband couldn't lay off the beers when you're due to have a baby any time now is fucking ridiculous. Suggesting it as an option like you did is fucking pathetic.

nancywhitehead · 19/04/2021 11:06

What? It's not OK to drive after 2 pints....

1 drink maximum for driving!

otterbaby · 19/04/2021 11:18

Nah, I'd be fuming. And the suggestion to call an ambulance because he was too drunk to drive so disrespectful to the ambulance workers, what a waste of resources!

My husband stopped drinking aside from an occasional small glass of wine once I hit about 39 weeks. Granted it was our first child and we were a little more unsure of how things would progress - but I'd still be having a firm word with him. Definitely not on.

Graphista · 19/04/2021 11:33

@PomPomtheGreat oops! Yes you're right I misread that in my defence it was late when I was reading/posting

I'd be reporting his father or indeed him the next time they drink and drive, totally unacceptable but then I have friends and family who've been hurt by such arseholes! Frankly I think the Scots law on this should be Uk wide, no room for "ambiguity" then make it simple - never drink and drive EVER. So selfish!

I agree using an ambulance would also be irresponsible especially at the moment. A taxi (if you could even get one! I live in a similar area in terms of semi rural and the taxis don't run after 10pm on a school night here there simply isn't enough business) would be pretty expensive for a journey of that length and many taxi drivers won't take women in labour for a number of reasons.

He shouldn't be leaving you alone, drinking or otherwise being unavailable for when you go into Labour.

My ex never drank in the last trimester just in case (high risk pregnancy) and minimal drinking earlier on. That's what supportive and responsible fathers do.

PomPomtheGreat · 19/04/2021 11:35

I couldn't agree more with this post.

Ohnomoreno · 19/04/2021 11:40

He didn't think through the implications. The worst case scenario is of course horrific, but also unlikely. Even if you went into labour, first babies usually take a long time, and if they don't you wouldn't make it to hospital anyway . If it's not your first baby then he's a complete idiot. I'd also be massively pissed off with him, had a similar incident with my first but at 39 weeks.

TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 19/04/2021 19:22

I can't believe anyone would consider being behind the wheel of a car after a drink. Especially with a heavily pregnant passenger.

Op, I would be having words if I were you.

Bluntness, I know you say there is no harm done, but in the absence of crystal balls, neither OP nor her DH have any idea when she will go into labour. Best not risk a drink in this scenario.

NormanStangerson · 19/04/2021 19:32

@denverRegina

"Blimey the hysteria on here. She didn’t need to call an ambulance or a taxi so there is no issue."

"Blimey" "Gosh" "Hysteria"

You really are very surprised all the time aren't you? Either that or it's as obvious as it seems, you're just here for the kicks you get trying to make others feel inadequate.

Yeah, that’s always Bluntness’s modus operandi. Normally they’re just contrary or ‘blunt’, but today’s efforts was straight up fucking shit advice.

RachelRavenRoth · 19/04/2021 19:54

happyface42

RachelRavenRoth. Op, does he often drink half pints?

No he doesn't

That’s what I thought. It’s the lying I’d be furious about.

PerspicaciousGreen · 19/04/2021 20:02

To be honest, I would have said I didn't want him drinking at all if I was that pregnant. I probably would have asked him to stay at home. I wouldn't want to get into a car with anyone who'd been drinking any amount, especially not if they were my ride to the hospital and my birth partner. Based on my birth history, DH is primed for the fact that we may not get much notice before I say we need to leave IMMEDIATELY. To whoever's saying "oh well it didn't happen so it's fine" what if the OP had gone into labour while her DH was being driven home drunk from the pub, eh? That's the thing about labour, especially after 40 weeks - it could happen at any time.

I don't think your DH has been very responsible, but then alcohol has that effect on people, doesn't it? Lowers your inhibitions, reduces your ability to make good judgements. So I'm not surprised that once he started he had more than he'd planned to, especially if he was egged on and he's not had a drink in a while.

You obviously don't think you need to spell it out, but I wonder what the conversation was before he went to the pub. Because that's when I would have drawn the line myself.

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