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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH going to the pub...

67 replies

happyface42 · 18/04/2021 22:37

Very hormonal pregnant lady here and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

I'm currently 40+3 weeks pregnant and OH has gone to the pub tonight with his Dad. I thought he was driving there so knew because of that he could only have 2 pints. However he's just been dropped off so now I know his Dad drove, he walked straight passed me on the sofa because he didn't see me sitting there which I thought was odd then when he finally sees me I can see in his eyes he's had more than two. So I've challenged him and he's said he had 2 and a half pints, he said he only feels a bit drunk because he hasn't drunk in so long and he's fine and would be fine to drive me to the hospital if things starts (hospital is 40 mins away). But whether he's fine or not he's over the limit and I can see in his eyes he isn't sober and he also smells of beer. He isn't rolling around drunk by any means but I feel so let down by him and wouldn't feel confident getting in a car with him tonight. AIBU to have just had a massive go at him and stormed off to bed?

OP posts:

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/04/2021 00:42

It's over and done with, but he's had more than bloody 2.5 pints and is not safe to drive and wouldn't trust him to do till about 1pm now.

Graphista · 19/04/2021 00:58

Firstly I'm really surprised you've been allowed to go so far overdue without being hospitalised at least and induced at best! Is this standard now?

Secondly yes he's a selfish, irresponsible and stupid man and in your shoes as soon as he's sober I'd be telling him so!

This is your second, I highly doubt this is a new development in his personality/behaviour which rather begs the question of how responsible it was to have a 2nd with him, but that ship has sailed now.

I'd be dishing some brutal home truths and telling him he needs to sort his act out NOW!

In the current circumstances he shouldn't be drinking at all. Is he a problem drinker?

His dad isn't responsible for him or his decision making he's a grown ass man about to be a father of 2 he should be perfectly capable of making better decisions

Personally I've always held to NEVER drink and drive ever. Nobody knows how alcohol is going to affect them on any given occasion. I live in Scotland where that's effectively the legal stance too which is as it should be

tbh if OP's DH thinks he is fit to drive then it wouldn't shock me if his DF had had a couple as well. I wouldn't trust either of them.

Totally agree They both sound a pair of right twats!

PomPomtheGreat · 19/04/2021 01:12

She's forty weeks and three days, not forty-three weeks.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 19/04/2021 01:19

@FrankButchersDickieBow

I'm not sure if you've heard of taxi's?

And a 40 minute taxi ride in the middle of the night will cost a fortune, assuming OK could even get one. Her DH is an arse, and so is his father.

RachelRavenRoth · 19/04/2021 05:31

Op, does he often drink half pints?

Iheartbed · 19/04/2021 05:47

If he’s had 2.5 pints then he’s had about 5 units of alcohol. The liver takes 1 hr to process one unit of alcohol and the rule of thumb is to start the clock when the drinking stops, so he wouldn’t be safe to drive until 3am and even then it’s a risk as we can all metabolise alcohol differently

HeadBeeGuy · 19/04/2021 05:51

So you'd have been OK with him drinking just the 2 pints?

MiddleParking · 19/04/2021 06:03

I don’t think it’s okay for him to go to the pub at all when you’re 40+3. And if he’s claiming he could drive while you suspect he’s lying about what he’s had to drink that is a huge problem. Like, life threatening to you and the baby and himself and your fellow road users huge.

Original poster

happyface42 · 19/04/2021 06:42

Thanks for all the responses. Well I'm still here and very much pregnant so I'm sure in his eyes he will continue to think there is nothing wrong with what he did last night!

To answer a few questions...

He isn't a big drinker no and definitely doesn't have an alcohol problem. It just seems to be the case when he's with his Dad he turns into a selfish prat! It isn't his Dad's problem because he's a grown man and can make his own decisions I know (like a PP has said) but I think because he looks up to his Dad and sees him as a role model to him if his Dad thinks it's ok to drink more than 2 pints he won't see an issue with it. Whereas my Dad wouldn't even let me have a sniff of a drink and drive so that's probably where our opinions on drinking a driving differ.

His Dad would have definitely had two pints also, in that family they do think it's ok to have two and drive. Although I've never personally done this because I don't trust myself I've also naively thought that was the law until doing some research in a fit of rage last night and it seems so ambiguous how much booze each person can tolerate that I won't be getting in a car with him at all after a pint from now on!

And to the poster who said why have another child with him (was sort of waiting for a comment like that) he is a very good Dad and this is out of character for him hence why I was so upset. If he was regularly down the pub making awful decisions I wouldn't be having another child with him. I'm so surprised and upset by the way he acted last night.

And to the poster who said get a taxi... why should I have to do that when I have a partner who should be able to drive me to hospital that is 40 mins away? I also live in a very rural town and taxis don't run through the night around here unless it's the weekend. If i went into labour last night I would have had to have called my Mum (which is luckily an option for me).

OP posts:

Original poster

happyface42 · 19/04/2021 06:42

@RachelRavenRoth

Op, does he often drink half pints?

No he doesn't

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 06:50

Gosh, I’m the unlikely extreme co incidence you went into Labour immediately on his return, I’m sure his father could have driven you, or you could have called an ambulance if you couldn’t afford a taxi.

As it happens you didn’t go into Labour immediately on his return or even a few hours after. So no harm was done.

Good luck with then new baby and hope he had fun.

Singlebutmarried · 19/04/2021 07:26

The landlord of our local issued a warning when he opened back up.

Draught beer is more potent than the cans you’ve all been sat drinking so take it easy.

He was right. Pickled after 3 pints. So there may be some truth in the 2 1/2 pints.

Doesn’t excuse the fact he shouldn’t be drinking when blast off is imminent.

TeamPhil · 19/04/2021 07:32

@Bluntness100

As it happens you didn’t go into Labour immediately on his return or even a few hours after. So no harm was done.

Good luck with then new baby and hope he had fun.

Would you be happy with a selfish prat who had been drinking (you don't know how much because you weren't there) driving you 40 minutes to a hospital when you're in labour? Come on

CorianderBee · 19/04/2021 07:42

@Bluntness100

As it happens you didn’t go into Labour immediately on his return or even a few hours after. So no harm was done.

Good luck with then new baby and hope he had fun.

An ambulance that could have been used to save someone's life? When Ops DP could've just stayed sober and driven her?

MiddleParking · 19/04/2021 07:43

Is going into labour at any point ‘extremely unlikely’ when you’re 40+3?!

Scottishskifun · 19/04/2021 07:50

Definitely had a right to be angry it was irresponsible of him.

I wouldn't go in shouting about it personally I would be quiet and short answers - this scares the crap out of my DH as he knows I'm mega annoyed then!

He clearly needs to realise that his actions were stupid!

Bluntness100 · 19/04/2021 07:59

Would you be happy with a selfish prat who had been drinking (you don't know how much because you weren't there) driving you 40 minutes to a hospital when you're in labour? Come on

Honestly it would depend on how I feel physically. The op didn’t go into Labour and it’s clear the father is near by so honestly as a one off no i would not over stress it.

And by extremely unlikely I was very clear I meant it would be a huge coincidence if she went into Labour as soon as he returned, and the proof of that is she didn’t, and absolutely no harm was done. She’s still pregant, he spent some time with his dad, nothing bad happened.

Snoozername · 19/04/2021 08:01

Yeah, that was pretty selfish of him.

I hope he steps up when your baby arrives!

NormanStangerson · 19/04/2021 08:07

@Bluntness100 you genuinely suggested the OP called an ambulance to take her to hospital because her husband decided to drink instead? For fuck sake. 🙄

Sunflowers095 · 19/04/2021 08:25

Why are you having children with a man who:

is willing to drive drunk (2 pints is not fine and if he got caught it wouldn't be)
is selfish
can't use his brain and say no to more drinks?

I wonder how he would feel if you got drunk while pregnant. Both situations are potentially harming the baby (if you have birth in a taxi and there were complications for example).

This man seems like he's still a child himself.

Imnothereforthedrama · 19/04/2021 08:36

[quote NormanStangerson]@Bluntness100 you genuinely suggested the OP called an ambulance to take her to hospital because her husband decided to drink instead? For fuck sake. 🙄[/quote]
I agree some of the advice on here is terrible. He had 2 pints hardly a hanging offence. Yes he shouldn’t of drove but it’s done . If you needed to get to hospital you ring a taxi not a ambulance.

MiddleParking · 19/04/2021 08:39

Yeah I just completely disagree that it would be a ‘huge coincidence’ and I don’t think the fact that she didn’t proves that it would have been!

TuesdayRuby · 19/04/2021 08:43

YANBU. I agreed with my husband that his last “big” night out would be 3 weeks before my due date. Anything after that he had to be able to drive us to the hospital if needed, no exceptions.
Tbh it wasn’t even so much about the driving, I wanted him to be at the birth with a clear head!

Lostinacloud · 19/04/2021 08:47

It’s maybe a bit annoying but it’s been a rough year all round, the pubs have just opened and there are always ways around driving to the hospital.

I might be a bit off with my expectations though because we were at my brother’s surprise birthday party when my labour started one week early. My DM is a midwife and my DH asked her specifically if she thought I was in labour so could he have a drink or not. Due to me thinking it hadn’t really got any stronger all day and acting fairly normally we all decided it was a false start and my DH got duly merry. A few hours later, my DSil was force feeding my DH coffee and driving us to their local labour ward

denverRegina · 19/04/2021 09:38

"Gosh, I’m the unlikely extreme co incidence you went into Labour immediately on his return, I’m sure his father could have driven you, or you could have called an ambulance if you couldn’t afford a taxi."

@Bluntness100 what's all this "gosh, I'm so shocked" fakeness about?

As for calling an ambulance instead of her husband sticking to the drink drive limit , really? What an absolute sad state of affairs that people think it is ok to call an ambulance for a 40 minute ride just so someone can have a couple of pints. Pathetic.

And it isn't "extremely unlikely" that someone would go into labour three days past her due date. Do you understand the term "due"?

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