DH ate my Easter egg. How can I get him back?

[spicysechuan]

As in the title. I am not a massive chocoholic, and I came home last night (after 18 hours work!) to discover that DH had not only eaten his own chocolate eggs, but started on mine!!!!

AIBU for thinking I need a lawyer?
I want to teach the 🐽 a lesson...

Eggs in his shoes. Real ones, not chocolate. Poke them down into the toe so he doesn't notice them before he puts his feet in.

LTB

You could have an affair with this best friend.

I think all of these responses are justified

YABU for still having Easter eggs left 🤷‍♀️

@Dancingfairydreams haha! I clearly don't eat it quick enough!

If you don’t fancy killing him painfully with strychnine, then I like the egg-in-the-shoe-toe scenario. Or divorce. Or both.

Bar of laxative chocolate 'just lying around' next time you go out...

@Aprilshowersandhail you are an evil genius

Snip a tiny hole in the corner of each of his socks

Has he watched tonight's line of duty yet? Tell him what happens.

YellowFish1647 just spilt my drink thanks!

Yabu! I’ve eaten my Easter egg and now DH’s is just staring at me from the top of the cupboard. Easter was years ago!!

Fart on his pillow.

@TaVeryMuchLove

Fart on his pillow.

This is a very poor response.

I can fart like a good un, but I don't think you appreciate the severity of the situation.

@RhodaDendron

Yabu! I’ve eaten my Easter egg and now DH’s is just staring at me from the top of the cupboard. Easter was years ago!!

Scared to tell you but also have half a chocolate rabbit left? I get through them, but it takes me a while.

I didn't think time was a factor though??

OP I am so sorry you're going through this. As I see it, you have 3 options;

1. A good family lawyer (make sure you get a proper record of exactly who has what, never mind squirrelling away money to a secret bank account you need a lock box).
2. A good hitman. Saves money on the lockbox, and you don't have to do an inventory of every hidey-hole in the house. Likely to be cheaper than a lawyer too.
3. Buy him a gift. Did you know they do dog chocolate Easter eggs? Replace your chocolate with a doggy chocolate version. Maybe throw in a laxative one too depending on how much of your loot he's helped himself to.

Personally I'd go for option 2, but if he's otherwise useful around the house option 3 may be a good warning step 😜🤣

Get your ducks in a row OP. He’s telling you who he is, believe him.
Legal advice and then take him for everything he’s got. Once you’ve chucked him out of the family home, may I suggest leaving an empty Easter egg box outside his Travelodge room.

@spicysechuan

Shit on his pillow?

Very many patios are being laid at the moment. I think your house would look nice with a patio. The lumpiness settles down after a year or two. I’ve heard.

@checkingforballoons

Get your ducks in a row OP. He’s telling you who he is, believe him. Legal advice and then take him for everything he’s got. Once you’ve chucked him out of the family home, may I suggest leaving an empty Easter egg box outside his Travelodge room.

Absolutely this. Get what remains of the chocolate into a secure place - maybe your mum's or sister's, or a storage unit - and get a good solicitor. Ideally one who specialises in chocolate based asset division.

We must be in the minority, still have christmas chocolate and Easter eggs have not been touched. Travesty!

Killing him is the only reasonable option. I'll bring a shovel for your soon to be laid new patio.

Fart (or worse) in his pillow case.

Make him a pie. Filling: pedigree chum. Let him enjoy it. Don't ever tell him, but know deep in your soul that he ate dog food.