DH ate my Easter egg. How can I get him back?

[spicysechuan]

As in the title. I am not a massive chocoholic, and I came home last night (after 18 hours work!) to discover that DH had not only eaten his own chocolate eggs, but started on mine!!!!

AIBU for thinking I need a lawyer?
I want to teach the 🐽 a lesson...

100% clean the toilet with his toothbrush.

I’ve been known to fart on DH’s toothbrush when he’s been particularly twattish. Alternatively you may be interested to know that you can make a very realistic looking poo with a loo roll tube shredded and dipped in water. Leave one for him to find.

Sardine under his carseat

Ice a cardboard box for his next birthday instead of a cake.

Next time you go out together, stick a sign on his back saying I ATE MY WIFE'S EASTER EGG.

Stick 100 pictures of a pig all over his car.

Hack his Facebook account and write a tearful 'confession' from him admitting how wrong he was and promising to be a better husband in future.

Use his razor

[quote TaVeryMuchLove]@spicysechuan

Shit on his pillow?[/quote]
Is that you Amber Heard?

@Longingforatikihut

Make him a pie. Filling: pedigree chum. Let him enjoy it. Don't ever tell him, but know deep in your soul that he ate dog food.

Or do something worse than dog food....a La Minnie Jackson from The Help style...

Have an affair with the Easter bunny, guaranteed chocolate all year and he's friends with the snow queen to quietly dispose of your greedy DH.

Take your time, no nred to rush revenge. Next year but him a cream egg Easter egg and steal the cream eggs out of it but wrap it back up and put in box. Make sure you are not about when he opens it and when he complains to you refuse to believe him. He made it up.

@PeridotEyes

Ice a cardboard box for his next birthday instead of a cake.

Next time you go out together, stick a sign on his back saying I ATE MY WIFE'S EASTER EGG.

Stick 100 pictures of a pig all over his car.

Hack his Facebook account and write a tearful 'confession' from him admitting how wrong he was and promising to be a better husband in future.

I love this so much!!!

May have snorted at pig stickers

@spicysechuan

Does he have a home computer or laptop ?

Sprinkle cress seeds into the keyboard and use a spray mist to 'water them' until they grow

@spicysechuan

His next birthday, make him a special homemade cake by filling a balloon with water, then put icing on it. Wait for him to cut his cake, filming all on video for further 'enjoyment'

@spicysechuan

Do you have a photocopier at home ?

Print 40 copies of a paperclip, then put these sheets back in photocopier, so that everything he 'prints' has a paperclip on the print................. watch him dismantle photocopier in search of the paperclip !

Oh god, another Mumsnet Chocolate Nibbler - The Saga of How One Naice Square of Chocolate Last Me a Year. No sympathy, I hope he enjoyed it.

Following with interest as DH are my Easter egg too!

@spicysechuan

Wait until weatherman says ''frost in the morning'.
Night before said 'frost' dampen car with water spray, and stick every cotton wool ball you can get your hands on onto his car.

In the morning cold/ frost, all efforts to 'remove' cotton wool balls will just result in what looks like a 'hairy' car, lol.

@spicysechuan

But if you're really angry....................
swap 'his' shampoo with hair dye or Veet........................
Sew up all his socks so he can't get his foot in..................
Swap all the 'small change' he has for coffee/ parking etc with foreign coins..................
Leave his shaver on so it has no battery left (every day for a week)
Phone his friend and 'confide' in him that you think DH dresses in your clothes when you're out..............

But then I've had years of practice thinking shit up as my whole family are huge fans of a practical joke !

My favourite was when I sewed cherry tomatoes onto my Dad's prized bloody tomato plants, cos he wouldn't shut up about how his tomatoes would be soooo much tastier than 'shop bought' ones !

[quote updownroundandround]@spicysechuan

But if you're really angry....................
swap 'his' shampoo with hair dye or Veet........................
Sew up all his socks so he can't get his foot in..................
Swap all the 'small change' he has for coffee/ parking etc with foreign coins..................
Leave his shaver on so it has no battery left (every day for a week)
Phone his friend and 'confide' in him that you think DH dresses in your clothes when you're out..............

But then I've had years of practice thinking shit up as my whole family are huge fans of a practical joke !

My favourite was when I sewed cherry tomatoes onto my Dad's prized bloody tomato plants, cos he wouldn't shut up about how his tomatoes would be soooo much tastier than 'shop bought' ones ![/quote]
You sewed tomatoes onto a plant???

I am in awe.

My grandfather put crabapples onto the points one of those ugly giant cacti with long, stabby leaves to stop people taking their eyes out when they come around the corner. Had someone from a botany magazine come around to take photos of the fruiting cacti he’d “discovered” in this Australian Hicksville country town. (Was the early 60’s people were pretty dumb)

Meanwhile, for revenge, I suggest scraping the cream out of some Oreos or Bourbon biscuits - (maybe even custard creams) and replacing it with toothpaste. Serve with tea.... mmmmmm soooo NOT delicious.

Billboard. Big one. Opposite his work. Photo and just the simple wording, “ate his wife’s Easter Egg.”

@YellowFish1647

You could have an affair with this best friend.

I know this is a joke. But maybe that was going too far

It would involve eating some chocolate, but chocolate dipped brussel sprouts make passable Ferrero Roche if you rewrap them.
Passable, that is, until you bite into them.

If you can somehow get hold of some leftover Easter eggs (five or six large ones, maybe), I think a variant on the Mrs Trunchball approach is appropriate.

Place the Easter eggs on the kitchen table. Lure your DH downstairs by shouting, "Darling, I've made you a cup of tea!". At gunpoint, force him to sit at the table and eat all five Easter eggs (and any associated sweets or chocolate bars) in one sitting.

@Cocomarine

I love it !!