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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to pay someones water bill as a thank you?

61 replies

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 21:29

Hypothetical, so not about me.

But supposing you were at the end of a tenancy when covid started, a very good friend allows you to stay with them, rent free, until it's 'over' and you can look for a new rental with ease.

You are on just below average income, choose to rent and have no dependants. You also have a 48k 'emergency pot'.
The friend is on a very, very low income and has no dependants.

After a year of living with the friend, and they have asked you for nothing (owns house so no rent, mortgage, etc), would you offer them a gesture of maybe paying off their yearly water or council tax bill?

I am not the friend or the hypothetical lodger, and I have no horse in this race, but someone asked me and I have no idea.
Personally, I would, as a year rent free with no outgoings is a luxury.

What do you think, AIBU to think that would be a decent thing to do?
The person has offered to pay utilities and whatnot all through but their offer has been refused.

OP posts:

eurochick · 18/04/2021 21:31

I would have thought buying some nice meals, wine, etc through the year would have been the right way to go. But paying a hefty bill would be a decent option too.

Original poster

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 21:33

Stuff like that has been done, the person generally doesn't seem open to being bought anything. They're just like that.
She's thinking of just planting some cash into her PayPal.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 18/04/2021 21:33

You have £48k savings and haven’t paid any rent for a year to a friend on a very low income who has kindly let you stay?

The decent thing to do would be to find out the market rate for a lodger for a year and give that to them.

PhatPhanny · 18/04/2021 21:35

Maybe to do with money changing hands making it a landlord, tenant situation?

Original poster

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 21:35

@PurpleDaisies

You have £48k savings and haven’t paid any rent for a year to a friend on a very low income who has kindly let you stay?

The decent thing to do would be to find out the market rate for a lodger for a year and give that to them.

It isn't 'me', but they did offer.

OP posts:

Christmasfairy2020 · 18/04/2021 21:37

I'd pay the gas and electricity for 1 year and water

Original poster

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 21:40

AFAIK it has been like trying to get through to a brick wall .
This person is utterly skint, but does have a secure home, the 'lodger' has gone out of her way to force money onto her all year, buying food and stuff and trying to pay utilities.
Any offer of money has been refused.

So, she has this idea that because the water bill/council tax is the biggest outgoing she out to pay it in full.
The woman won't take it, but we thought if it was deposited into her PayPal she would graciously have to accept:)

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 18/04/2021 21:42

If you’re going to pay money into her PayPal account, why can’t that be a year’s rent rather than a bill?

User0ne · 18/04/2021 21:42

If they're on a low income I'd maybe buy them a treat instead (like a holiday/gig tickets/whatever they're into)

drpet49 · 18/04/2021 21:43

** You have £48k savings and haven’t paid any rent for a year to a friend on a very low income who has kindly let you stay?

The decent thing to do would be to find out the market rate for a lodger for a year and give that to them.**

^I would do this.

Original poster

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 21:44

Thanks everyone, we agree.
Getting through to the person is something else entirely!

The lodger is a renter, so not perfectly secure, but with 48k she thinks it is fair and do-able to offer a good sum. The only way this can be done is forcing it on her.

OP posts:

Original poster

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 21:48

@User0ne

If they're on a low income I'd maybe buy them a treat instead (like a holiday/gig tickets/whatever they're into)

she does own her home but is seriously struggling. The lodger wanted to help out because she notices the fear in her friends eyes when she speaks of paying the water bill, etc.

I suggested she ought to pay it, and whatever else she can, but the woman won't accept any money. All she has done so far is accept the occasional tenner for electricity.
The lodger feels uncomfortable with it and really does want to pay her way. How to do that without crossing a boundary and whatever is the thing.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 18/04/2021 21:59

she does own her home but is seriously struggling. The lodger wanted to help out because she notices the fear in her friends eyes when she speaks of paying the water bill, etc.

I don’t understand how your friend could have let this situation go on for a year-sponging off her friend without sorting out a proper financial arrangement or moving out so she wasn’t adding to the bills.

FireflyRainbow · 18/04/2021 22:04

If they haven't contributed to general living costs to help a struggling friend who let them stay for a year, they are no friend.

Original poster

LetSophieGo · 18/04/2021 22:05

im confused, how is someone sponging if they are trying like fuck to pay their way?

OP posts:

HTH1 · 18/04/2021 22:10

I would probably settle the bills directly (assuming they’re lying around) and not mention it. You could probably phone a utility company and pay a lump sum to put her in credit with them.

Catswithflamingos · 18/04/2021 22:14

It wouldn’t get to the end of the year without me having done something.

Nice meals, paying for groceries or picking up a bill earlier. Maybe buying nice homewares for the house.

PurpleDaisies · 18/04/2021 22:18

@LetSophieGo

im confused, how is someone sponging if they are trying like fuck to pay their way?

They should have tried harder. moved out or never moved in. With those savings and a regular income, a free lodging with a flat broke friend should never have been an option.

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/04/2021 22:19

If she's on a low income, is she getting tax credits or similar? And therefore is she worried that receiving either an "income" or a large lump sum will affect that and leave her worse off in the long run?

Dasher789 · 18/04/2021 22:20

Totally agree with pp. Call the utility company and pay the balance directly. Same with the water. Or call the council and pay the council tax. If for whatever reason the person is incapable of doing these things then they should leave an envelope of cash and a nice card when they leave for market rent for a year. The card should be thankful for all that the home owner has done but that the friend does not feel right taking everything for free so take the cash or donate it to charity but it is theirs

StoneofDestiny · 18/04/2021 22:20

I'd pay it directly into their bank account. If not, I'd give them a big sum in cash. I think if it's a cheque it will be refused/not cashed etc. I'd say 'It means a lot to me to do this, I won't accept a refusal and I know it is in no way a full compensation for your kindness'.

Sinner10 · 18/04/2021 22:27

Here we go again, the perfect mumsnet crew again!

These people are very good friends, friends help each other out without expecting anything in return. That said the lodger really wants to do something to help their friend out in return, it shouldn’t be a full years rent, they’re friends! The lodger friend should do something, I think paying a bill/s is a really great idea.

PurpleDaisies · 18/04/2021 22:30

These people are very good friends, friends help each other out without expecting anything in return.

Friends don’t take advantage of each other and watch each other struggling when they’ve got masses of cash in savings.

youcancallmequeene · 18/04/2021 22:35

In the circumstance you have said, I would pay the water bill if I caught sight of it and also the council tax bill. Both can be done online and don't have to be paid by the bill owner.

It can be kept in credit so if it's already paid for this year, it can roll over to next year.

Billandben444 · 18/04/2021 22:41

I would deposit a sum of money into her bank account and then give her the paying-in slip, saying "I put this into your account today because I'm very grateful for what you've done for me. I know you don't want to accept it but it would mean a lot to me if you would".

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