Pornographic images of women shared amongst male friends. Are you cool with it?

[Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis]

I was looking through DP's photo album for photos of our DC yesterday and I stumbled across a photo of a young woman practically naked with legs spread (professional airbrused photo - not one taken yourself iyswim!). I then saw that it was from the WhatsApp album and I asked DP about it. He told me that a friend of his had sent him it to him randomly and showed me said message. I'm aware he receives funny videos from friends but was surprised by this.

Anyway we had a talk about it and he told me about another two work friends who receive images/videos of women masturbating from their friends (from porn sites). He told me that when a work friend showed one to him he said "my Mrs wouldn't be happy about me having stuff like that on my phone" which is true. I wouldn't. I think it's grim and weird to share this stuff amongst friends. Keep it to yourself?! Anyway, this guy said that his wife is totally cool with it.

So it transpires that there seems to be quite a few people out there who are completely chilled about sexual images/videos of women amongst friends.

I know friends of mine who, like me, would not be cool with it.

These men age from 35-55 so not exactly "lads".

So I'm intrigued to know:

YABU - I'm cool with it.
YANBU - I am not cool with it.

No not cool with it and wouldn’t date someone who did this. Not all men do, people who say that just don’t want to admit they’re settling for a moron.

This shit is horribly common even amongst 'respectable' types. All men really must think women are for their pleasure. It makes me fucking sick but the women who allow themselves to be used like this don't help either. And no, it's not 'empowering' to be photographed/videos like this.

I'm pretty sure that a couple of DH's friends send stuff like that in their WhatsApp groups. As long as its not my DH sending them (because I wouldn't want to be married to a bloke like that) then I don't really care all that much what his mates send to him. From what he's told me he thinks it's pretty weird and doesn't respond to those sort of pictures, of course I only have his word for it but I do think he's being honest with me about it.

Fucking vile. DH onc got sent one by a new male colleague he asked him never to send anything again. Poor DH was completely confused as to why anyone would send it. What do you get out of it?

I would not be ok with it and neither would DH. Although I don't suppose he would be friends with or in a chat group with men who behaved like this to begin with.

I'm against all pornography as it's misogynistic. Men who send those kinds of images have very little respect for women and are probably stuck in their teenage years in terms of maturity.

It would have been great if your DH had told these men that their photos are unwanted/ offensive/ immature instead of just shrugging it off and ignoring it.

@Creepygnochi

Wouldn't care, but my husband is gay so unlikely to find much there.

Your husband is gay, you have 11 children spanning the full LGBGT rainbow & 1 baby young enough to need a night nanny as you're 53. You do have a colourful life.

It would have been great if your DH had told these men that their photos are unwanted/ offensive/ immature instead of just shrugging it off and ignoring it.

I completely agree and I'm really disappointed tbh. When I said this to him he said he didn't want to offend them. So what!? The sooner other men pull men up on weird shit like this the better.

Not 'sexy' porn but me and dp are in a few WhatsApp groups that get sent random pictures and videos and some of them are on the fucking weird but funny home made side of porn. A man running through the woods dressed up a like a dildo tree is one that springs to mind. That stuff doesn't bother me.

It would be weird for friends to share actual wank fodder with each other though.

I agree unacceptable. Looking at something once when sent to you is very different from storing it. Men who are 35 and over, not schoolboys as well, which whilst not right would be more understandable.

Fatladyslim yes he gets some of what you describe as well and that doesn't really bother me so much. But the other stuff is definitely wank material. It's just so strange that some men want to/feel the need to share this stuff. They're so open and unphased by it as well, like it's really normal!

I think you need to check and see if his WhatsApp automatically saves photos or not. Mine doesn’t (although you do have to turn it off IIRC) so if there’s no other photos on his camera roll from WhatsApp he’s lying or at least trying to gloss over it.

But no I wouldn’t accept it.

Always found that creepy. Watching/using porn is one thing, sharing it among your pals is doubleplusweird. I mean, why? It's so ... intimate.

JackieTheFart it does automatically save to his camera roll yes and he did show me his messages to show me he was sent it and that he doesn't send messages like that etc. I do believe him on this.

But his initial attitude towards my distate didn't sit right with me. I didn't like how accepting and unbotheted he was by it. Be was perplexed that I was disgusted which shows how normal this behaviour is seen to him. Even if he isn't sending them, the fact he's not putting a stop to it means he's part of the problem.

Not cool with it but they're all at it

What an odd comment. Who is "they?". If you mean men, of course they're not all busy swapping pornographic pictures on WhatsApp

You're totally right OP. It's weird and gross. It's sad that so many women feel the need to be "cool" with such misogynist bs.

Vile, disgusting and immature. ‘The other wives are fine with it’ sounds like ‘but MUM, everyone else’s parents’ are cool with it’.

I don't really care. I think its weird if it's a direct message but I've been in enough group chats to understand that for some folk it's the norm.

Dealbreaker for me.

Your husband is gay, you have 11 children spanning the full LGBGT rainbow & 1 baby young enough to need a night nanny as you're 53. You do have a colourful life.

Anyone else totally lost the point of the OP now and want to know more about this?

Sorry OP.

@Heysiriyouknob

Your husband is gay, you have 11 children spanning the full LGBGT rainbow & 1 baby young enough to need a night nanny as you're 53. You do have a colourful life.

Anyone else totally lost the point of the OP now and want to know more about this?

Sorry OP.

I came back to read more about creekygnoccis life. I'm sorry. I have no shame.

Wouldn't like it but wouldn't massively bother me ?

I think there is a lot of women on this thread who would get a mini heart attack if they had a good snoop through their partners phone

The lads at work do it, who have a group chat and share images and daft videos, I'm not a 100 shre my DP does it, but probably does.

Men are men. What you dont know wont hurt you.