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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more

48 replies

Blackbird99 · 17/04/2021 20:24

I meet an old friend regularly and recently we met for a meal. The total cost of the meal was £90 for the 2 of us. We had eaten exactly the same things but she had also had an extra drink. So when the bill came I suggested we went halves, she pointed out that she’d had an the extra drink so I then suggested she pay £50, I pay £40 to keep it simple. And she exclaimed that the drink wasn’t a whole £10 extra!! So I ended up totting up the exact amounts and we both paid exactly what we owed. AIBU to think she is a bit tight and should have just gone with the flow and paid the £50? We live quite a way from each other and meet somewhere in the middle but I know my train ticket costs more than hers plus she and her DH are extremely well off as opposed to myself who is a single mum who struggles a little financially and get no help from my XH (for our DC’s) which she is well aware of. Furthermore I know that if had been the other way around I would have been quite happy to pay a bit more for my share just to make things easy and less awkward.

OP posts:
3Britnee · 17/04/2021 20:25

Yanbu.

DuchessOfBuggerAll · 17/04/2021 20:27

Don't be ridiculous. Where does it begin and end with paying more than your fair share then? Your circumstances or hers have zero to do with anything unless the lunch was your treat - or hers.

TooManyAnimals94 · 17/04/2021 20:27

Life is short. Don't think it would have bothered me either way from your POV but for your friend, £10 is a lot for one drink (depending on where you ate).

Cindy87 · 17/04/2021 20:28

Yanbu

gobbynorthernbird · 17/04/2021 20:28

It may be what you or I would have done if we were in the position of having had slightly more, but you can't spend someone else's money for them.

beginningoftheend · 17/04/2021 20:31

I think she was fair enough, it really isn't awkward imo to quickly add up a bill and pay your share.

HandfulofDust · 17/04/2021 20:34

I would have just paid the extra if I was her but I don't see why it's such a big deal to just pay what you owe.

imaginethemdragons · 17/04/2021 20:35

I know you are asking about how it should be split but holy cow even the split is an extremely expensive meal.
Your half would feed my whole family for a week!
As a single skint parent, no way could I afford that meal plus the money for a train ticket.
I’d be declining any get together s in the future, it would be a WhatsApp chat for free, cutting out issues of bills.

ghostyslovesheets · 17/04/2021 20:37

I'd have gone halves and asked her to leave a tip

PremiumRoll · 17/04/2021 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

JackieTheFart · 17/04/2021 20:41

OP asked her to go halves and she said no as she'd had an extra drink

YANBU OP, seems daft she'd make a show of saying she owed more then decline an extra tenner?

Hwory · 17/04/2021 20:45

'You pay an extra tenner to keep it simple' LOL

Either pay halves or pay what you ordered. Not some weird calculation that makes your mate pay a portion of yours.

Motnight · 17/04/2021 20:49

You suggested that you went halves, and your mate pointed out that she had had an additional drink. Seems like she was trying to be fair to both of you.

Aprilx · 17/04/2021 20:50

I think your friend was being fair in mentioning her extra drink and you were a bit unreasonable asking that she pay £10 more than you, as I am assuming that the drink didn’t cost that.

What you both and her DH earn has got absolutely nothing to do with this. I have never split bills with anyone based on our respective net worths. You are being totally unreasonable.

iamyourequal · 17/04/2021 20:50

How was the tip handled? That would have been an opportunity to even things up. I also would be wary of making out you are a struggling single mum if you can afford £45 on one meal for yourself. There will be plenty single mums reading your post who really are struggling. £45 might be a whole week’s food budget to them.

Aprilshowersandhail · 17/04/2021 20:51

Fuck me. Dd and I went to town..
2 cheese pasties for £1.80 and a 6 bag of crisps for a quid!
Grin

WaterBottle123 · 17/04/2021 20:52

YABU. If you can afford a 45 quid meal you shouldn't be quibbling a few quid either way

KindleRemote · 17/04/2021 20:53

I'm not even a single parent and I wouldn't be dropping £45 on a meal for myself right now!!

WellLarDeDar · 17/04/2021 20:54

Not sure what your/her financial position has to do with it. She doesn't owe you anything just because she's better off.

I thought it was normal to either split the bill equally OR pay the exact amount. If someone suggested I should pay an extra £10 because I had one more drink than them I'd find that rude.

SeaTurtles92 · 17/04/2021 21:01

YABU.
She's right if the drink wasn't a whole £10 more why would she pay that. Just add up what you both had, job done.

The fact you mentioned her finances is a bit odd and the fact you knew your train ticket was more is a bit Confused. You didn't have to go.

OolieMacdoolie · 17/04/2021 21:05

£10 more is a lot for one drink. I would probably have let her calculate the split once she offered to pay more.

PoppenhuisStories · 17/04/2021 21:07

Furthermore I know that if had been the other way around I would have been quite happy to pay a bit more for my share just to make things easy and less awkward.

Then you should have just said it was fine and you’d split it. Why go from one extreme to the other? Whatever the drink is should have been the difference.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/04/2021 21:11

Yabu.
When she pointed out she'd had an extra drink, you should have said 'don't worry about it' rather than get her to pay for some of your bill (presumably unless the drink was £10) and then complain that she's the stingy one.

InsanelyPregnantAndSore · 17/04/2021 21:12

Am I the only one doing the actual maths on this?
50% of a £90 bill is £45 each
So by paying £50 the friend would have paid an extra £5, not £10.

Sounds about right depending on the drink; glass of wine easily £3-4
Based on that I’d say YANBU

melj1213 · 17/04/2021 21:13

Either pay halves or pay what you ordered. Not some weird calculation that makes your mate pay a portion of yours.

But if they ate/drank the same except for this one extra drink then it depends how expensive the drink was as to whether it was a weird calculation or just easier rounding.

So, if the drink was £3 then the OP would have paid £43.50 and her friend would have paid £46.50

If the drink was £6, then the Op would have paid £42 and the friend £48

If the drink cost £8.50 then the OP would have paid £40.75 and the friend £49.25

In the first instance if I was the OP I would have just paid to cover the drink as it was such a small difference and just told my friend she owed me one next time, and it would be understandable thag the friend wouldn't be happy with a £40/50 split

However, in the second two scenarios where the drink was more expensive and made up a bigger percentage of the total I would either offer to work it out exactly or ask if they wanted to just round to £40/50 and I would owe them a drink next time for covering the extra