Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To expect more

48 replies

Blackbird99 · 17/04/2021 20:24

I meet an old friend regularly and recently we met for a meal. The total cost of the meal was £90 for the 2 of us. We had eaten exactly the same things but she had also had an extra drink. So when the bill came I suggested we went halves, she pointed out that she’d had an the extra drink so I then suggested she pay £50, I pay £40 to keep it simple. And she exclaimed that the drink wasn’t a whole £10 extra!! So I ended up totting up the exact amounts and we both paid exactly what we owed. AIBU to think she is a bit tight and should have just gone with the flow and paid the £50? We live quite a way from each other and meet somewhere in the middle but I know my train ticket costs more than hers plus she and her DH are extremely well off as opposed to myself who is a single mum who struggles a little financially and get no help from my XH (for our DC’s) which she is well aware of. Furthermore I know that if had been the other way around I would have been quite happy to pay a bit more for my share just to make things easy and less awkward.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 17/04/2021 21:19

What was the amounts when you added them up?

Maskedrevenger · 17/04/2021 21:31

Agree with PP the difference when the total cost was £90 was negligible
Split bill exactly £45 each
Extra drink say £4 so £86 split £43 each so OP pays £43 friend pays £47 is that really hugely different from £40 and £50? Friend is not paying £10 more she is paying a whole £3 more than her actual share, out of £90 this is nothing and friend is bonkers. Maybe if both on a tight budget and lunch was for £10 or £15 then the extra £3 would be an issue but when spending £90 do you really have to squabble over £3.
I am totally in favour of paying for what you had rather than automatically splitting the bill but between friends this level of pettiness would put me off going out for food with them again.

gobbynorthernbird · 17/04/2021 21:50

@InsanelyPregnantAndSore

Am I the only one doing the actual maths on this? 50% of a £90 bill is £45 each So by paying £50 the friend would have paid an extra £5, not £10.

Sounds about right depending on the drink; glass of wine easily £3-4
Based on that I’d say YANBU

But then the OP would have paid £10 less

OhForGodsSakeWhatNow · 17/04/2021 22:04

What did you each end up paying, when you calculated it?

BonnieDundee · 17/04/2021 22:20

What is it with people who come on here and complain that friends are tight because they don't want to subsidise your meal? f you expect someone else to pay for some of your food, you are the tight one.

I must be missing something

I also agree with pp that nobody who spends £45 on one lunch for themselves is struggling.

melj1213 · 17/04/2021 22:21

But then the OP would have paid £10 less

No she wouldn't.

She was going to be paying £45 originally so paying £40 means she pays £5 less than the original split. The difference in the split is £10 which seems to be confusing some people into thinking the friend was paying £10 more when in actual fact she was paying £45 + the difference for her drink.

gobbynorthernbird · 17/04/2021 22:34

I meant the OP would then be paying £10 less than her friend.

Snally82 · 17/04/2021 23:11

I am more than happy to pay for half of a friend’s drink if I’m honest. We’d always go halves.

Bythemillpond · 17/04/2021 23:15

InsanelyPregnantAndSore
Not the only one who didn’t understand the maths.

Rosewood017 · 17/04/2021 23:22

You weren't being unreasonable however this falls into one of those unspoken rules of social etiquette.

Here's the dialogue and unspoken bit in italics:

OP: Shall we go halves? though you did have an extra drink
FRIEND: Ok, though I did have an extra drink which I should acknowledge but surely she'll be fine with that
OP: Oh don't worry it's fine but it was a pricey drink
FRIEND: Thanks so much, I'll put in extra for tip and buy us a shot next time - last bit will probably never happen but it's all relative and saves the awkwardness of getting the calculator out.

FeedMeLotsOfCake · 17/04/2021 23:24

You're that bothered about such a minor incident to post it on the internet?

melj1213 · 17/04/2021 23:26

@gobbynorthernbird

I meant the OP would then be paying £10 less than her friend.

But only because the friend was paying for her meal + the extra drink, which makes up the "difference"

Like I said before, if the friends drink came to £8 (and at a place where dinner for two costs £90 I can easily see a drink being £6-8) then the OP would be paying £41 to the friends £49 instead of the £45 even split.

Thats not because the OP is paying "less" but because the new total (minus the drink) is £82, so the new even split is £41. The friend then has to pay for her drink on top.

BusyLizzie61 · 18/04/2021 05:17

@InsanelyPregnantAndSore

Am I the only one doing the actual maths on this? 50% of a £90 bill is £45 each So by paying £50 the friend would have paid an extra £5, not £10.

Sounds about right depending on the drink; glass of wine easily £3-4
Based on that I’d say YANBU

This is exactly what I have been thinking.

Creepygnochi · 18/04/2021 05:35

I hate going 'halves'. As somebody who doesn't eat a lot, and doesn't drink, I alwaus get fucked over. My friends know that unless I'm paying the entire bill, I'm paying only for what I eat and drink. I don't know why some people find it so hard to do the most basic of maths to find that number, the restaurant prints you out an itemized list.

Guavafish · 18/04/2021 05:38

Some ppl are like that with calculator and paying the exact amount! I know many people like your friend. The best thing is to let them calculate it next time!

FiveGs · 18/04/2021 05:44

OP has the friend 'form' for being careful and this is another example of that? I think unless I'm reading it wrong, any extra would have gone into forming the tip?

If so, I have a friend like this and it does grate a bit. Both of us solvent and able to splash a bit of cash on a nice meal, but the payment scenario becomes bothersome as every extra/side salad/drink is forensically accounted for as it used to be when we were hard up students. Plus she hates leaving a tip which I think, given our positions, is actually quite mean.

rawlikesushi · 18/04/2021 05:50

"She was going to be paying £45 originally so paying £40 means she pays £5 less than the original split. The difference in the split is £10 which seems to be confusing some people into thinking the friend was paying £10 more when in actual fact she was paying £45 + the difference for her drink."

But a £40/£50 split isn't fair.

If the drink was £5, take that off the £90 bill so it's out of the equation completely.

Split the new £85 bill 50/50 so they both pay £42.50.

But then friend also pays for the £5 drink.

OP pays £42.50 and friend pays £47.50.

Friend pays £5 more than op, for that additional £5 drink.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/04/2021 06:13

But a £40/£50 split isn't fair.

OP pays £42.50 and friend pays £47.50.

Raw
£47.50 isn't that far off £50! It's over £2.50 extra!

Suggesting £50 if OP's friend really wanted to pay for her drink is an easy round-up.

The friend's Maths, along with many PP's, is the issue. Melj has explained it well.

There was never an issue of the friend paying £10 more.

MaMaD1990 · 18/04/2021 06:20

YABU. She was being fair to you - you can't try to boost your argument by saying you had to spend money on a train fare and she's well off...assuming you're a grown up, you agreed to meet up and spend the travel money to meet her in an expensive restaurant. Its her money and she can say no to paying over the odds if she likes. You've really got a nerve.

RigaBalsam · 18/04/2021 06:29

Also interested in what you both actually ended up paying.

HandfulofDust · 18/04/2021 11:28

YADBU. You'd have a point if it only worked one way but she made sure she paid the extra for her drink, rather than allowing you to pay half. It can't have been much effort to calculate the extra cost of the drink and pay for it so I hardly see the big deal. Your train fare and relative salaries aren't relevant. If you're paying £40-50 a head for a meal you're both obviously reasonably well off.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/04/2021 17:21

You've really got a nerve.

Why on Earth? What has OP done wrong?!?

This is down to her friend's and many on this thread's poor grasp of Maths.

She was never paying €10 more. At most she was paying €5 more.

If they worked it out, exactly, the differential might have been £4 - £8. The friend was being silly.

Notaroadrunner · 18/04/2021 17:28

How odd. You were willing to pay £45 and she said no as she'd had an extra drink. Then she had a whinge when being asked to pay £50? I know that would be £10 more than you but only £5 more than the original suggestion you made. Out of interest what did you end up paying? £42/43? What a faff over a couple of pounds. In future just tap your card for what you had. That's what I do with one set of friends. If 3 or 4 of us go out we just pay for what we eat/drink. With another group only one drinks so she'd always pay for her bottle of wine and then we split the rest as we'd have much the same for dinner.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread