To think BIL was out of order?

[InnocentAsApples]

I met up with some family for an outdoor distanced picnic for MIL birthday today.

I haven’t been in work for three years as I have ME and I was struggling to remain in employment. My illness hasn’t really improved but I’m positive about it and hope one day I’ll be free of it (I’ve been ill for 15 years now).

MIL asked me how things are and I mentioned I’ve started to look at building up my skills and hope I can start job seeking in a year or two. BIL snorted and asked who I think would employ me?

I was confused and asked him what he meant and he said “well, let’s be honest, who would want an employee who needs so many adjustments to the work load and a lunchtime nap !”.

I laughed it off but it really stung because I think he has a point . My last employer bent over backwards to accommodate me and it was an admin role so not exactly difficult but the crippling fatigue I feel daily made it impossible.

I don’t get any respite, my daily life revolves around being absolutely and categorically knackered!

BIL comment has really made me think today WTF am I going to do?! I’ve already been told that recovery at this point is unlikely but I had hope of employment until today.

Does BIL have a point or was he just being a twat?

It was a cruel thing to say. You already know how hard your life is. And you may still be a good employee in the right role, you may have other qualities that are valuable. That is up to the employer and nothing to do with your brother in law. Who'd want to employ someone so unpleasant and lacking in social skills as he is anyway? He sounds like a bully, probably a nightmare for any employer.

Your bil is an absolute £#@& (I'm observing Ramadan so can't swear! But you're welcome to fill in the gaps.

What a horrible thing to say and during a celebration. You need to call him out on it, he needs to know how cruel his comments were.

He was being a twat!

Of course you can upskill with a view to getting back into work. You don't have to work 40 hours a week, just a few hours would be a good way to start. Job centres have organisations they work with that help people get back into work. Don't let an idiot upset you or derail your plans.

He's a twat

What a horrible, judgemental arse.
Why do we do that laugh it off this thing when someone is rude and makes us feel like shit? I'm exactly the same.
Well done on taking the steps to build your skill set.

What a jerk. That's a comment that doesn't help anyone.

He’s a twat. Best of luck!

He’s an idiot.
However, one of the plus point of the last year is a move towards working from home. Without the travel to and from work, it might be possible for you to work in an admin role from home. There is always hope.

What a nasty twat.

I’m about to start job hunting for the first time since I got ME and it’s scary. But I have a coach from a charity that helps people with all kinds of difficulties find work - this is the organisation I’m getting help from in Sussex but there should be others in different counties

impact-initiatives.org.uk/services/adults-and-older-people/workability/

BIL is an utter twat! I'm sorry he was so nasty to you, take no notice!

And yes, my job centre work coach (youngest is 3 so I’m now officially job seeking) reckons there are a lot more opportunities around for WFH or flexible options now thanks to covid. It really might be more possible to find something suitable!

Maybe his an idiot, maybe he has a point? You seem to think so.

Plus side is there is never a negative to upskilling so do that anyway. Lots of jobs are going work from home now, so maybe that would benefit you highly and give you more of a chance?

Regardless, do what you want to do, you know you have it in you as you clearly come across determined in your post.....he will also look like a bigger twat when you do get a job 😂

He's an idiot it's a shame no one pulled him up on his behaviour.
Was your DH there?

Does he think he was being funny?!

What adaptations does he think an employer would need to make for you? I'm guessing he was joking about a lunch time nap?

What a dick! Did your DH hear? Did he not stick up for you?

Sounds like he was being harsh, but he might have a point (you said you think he might yourself) .

He’s a twat.

And also it’s not even necessarily true, I now wfh full time and could easily have a lunchtime nap! And I have colleagues who work part time who have spread 3 days work over 5 days, so shorter hours each day. Plenty of companies are very flexible.

It wasnt very nice, but I think that it's TRUE, sorry. Perhaps working from home would suit you better?

you will be able to change things with support, he on the other hand, will always be a twat.

I bet you have good days op..

Every day is a twat day for bil.

Ignore op...
I bet any employer would be lucky to have you.

He's a twat.

I would try not to see him much if possible and focus on people who actually have something helpful to say.

I agree he did have a point but I think that’s why it stung. Does he not think I haven’t thought about how employers may not look favourably upon me? To hear it say it just made me deflated.

@HollyBollyBooBoo he was not joking about the lunchtime nap it’s a running “joke” with the in laws that they have to plan family gatherings around my nap times

DH was there but didn’t hear as he was talking to FIL. I haven’t told him as I don’t want to cause an issue (he would tell BIL he upset me) .

I have been in a similar position and very lucky to find a job that wanted half days 8-12 allowing me to get back in time for my nap which was at 2.

I totally get the nap sounds odd to some people but my body could not push through it. Until you have experienced ME you really can't understand how hard it is.

Good luck with the job hunt, there will be something

Don't question yourself.

Question your BIL attitude.

As mentioned above you don't need to work FT. You can work a few days a week or a few hours a day.

You can find a way because you want to.