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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I make dinner for my next door neighbour?

144 replies

Kindly9090 · 15/04/2021 15:42

This seems a bit silly.. But I've been living in my home for nearly a year. I'm a single working parent to a toddler.
My next door neighbours are lovely, they have both changed jobs recently and taken substantial pay cuts from what I've been told. One of them goes away 3 weeks at a time and comes back at the weekend and the other works very long hours in the NHS.. I saw her coming home late last night and stopped for a chat outside the front door.. I said if she ever wanted any company to pop in whilst her wife was away, she said by the time she gets in she has to walk to dog, put a wash on, make dinner and do all the usual things and she often passes out on the sofa by 9pm..
Both of my neighbours have been so lovely since we moved in and I felt like I wanted to do something to help, would it be silly to cook her a lasagne and give it to her tomorrow night so she doesn't have to cook.. I felt bad for her but I know its a perfectly normal scenario for most people who work!
How would you feel if your neighbour made you dinner and popped it round? We bubbled up over lock down and they watched little one for me whilst I had to run a couple of urgent errands so we are friendly.
Am I being silly or over caring??

OP posts:
Lassy1945 · 15/04/2021 17:03

@duvetdreaming

What if it was muffins and the neighbour had some spare? Horrified then too?

Yep. Same response, I take care of my own requirements thanks.

Anybody who has spare muffins is clearly very strange. Like those people who cook with left over wine Grin

The OP is a single parent, as am I, when you bake it is often difficult not to waste.
Lassy1945 · 15/04/2021 17:03

@Kindly9090

For info.. My house.. Standards and hygiene levels are spotlessly clean 😁.
Yes But they don’t know that As I didn’t know with my neighbour and didn’t want to risk
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 15/04/2021 17:03

@duvetdreaming

What if it was muffins and the neighbour had some spare? Horrified then too?

Yep. Same response, I take care of my own requirements thanks.

Anybody who has spare muffins is clearly very strange. Like those people who cook with left over wine Grin

Tbh, I love a good muffin but we can't go through a batch of 12 in 48 hours if we want to eat some actual food too. After 48 hours you could knock someone out with a nice, american chocolate muffin!
lolacola77 · 15/04/2021 17:05

It's a delightful thing to do! Just do it if you're making one anyway. It sounds as though you know eachother well enough to do this. I strongly disagree with the poster who suggested a £10 voucher - she's time poor not cash poor (especially if she's buying Charlie Bingham)!

AmyLou100 · 15/04/2021 17:06

That is such a lovely gesture. I don't think anyone would refuse a nice home cooked meal after a long day at work. Good idea to portion it up. You know it's stuff like this that can make a person feel really happy.

SilkySuky · 15/04/2021 17:10

@toffeebutterpopcorn that's made me well up. So lovely.

Original poster
Kindly9090 · 15/04/2021 17:17

@stylemeplease thank you that's so kind xxx
I suppose I'm just thinking about how I'd feel if someone did that for me and I'd feel so touched :)

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 15/04/2021 17:19

Please do

If that was me and I got some food to potentially freeze I would cry with joy xxxxx

pinkearedcow · 15/04/2021 17:23

@toffeebutterpopcorn's post made me well up a bit.

OP I would say something like "I made too much lasagna so I hoped you could help me out by eating some, you can freeze it for another time if you don't fancy it for tonight."

CroutonsAvatar · 15/04/2021 17:23

I sent a text to my neighbour who’d just had a second baby when I was cooking sometimes saying “I’m making (whatever) I know you’re probably knackered, let me know if you’d like me to do you one/some.”

Maybe do something like that saying “after our conversation yesterday, I was wondering...”

It’s a lovely gesture, I think.

Hensintheskirting · 15/04/2021 17:24

I think this is a lovely idea OP. People don't do it enough and are often scared to lest they be thought of as weird or something. It's wonderful to think of others and even more wonderful to actually do something.

MrsKingfisher · 15/04/2021 17:24

I think it's a lovely idea.

stylemeplease · 15/04/2021 17:25

I wouldn't feel hassled or worried about allergies

If you've seen a Bingham they like lasagne

Spoil them
It's not an intrusion
Knock on the door leave lasagne on the door step and rush off when she gets home
Wish you were my neighbour so I could drop you food.

I share food with my neighbours a few times a week.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 17:26

It's kind but if someone made me lasagne I wouldn't be able to eat it and it would go in the bin. I'm lactose intolerant and adversely conditioned to the taste of dairy and vegetarian. I'd ask first.

MrsKingfisher · 15/04/2021 17:27

Why not leave it with a short note on her doorstep, that way she's not obliged to eat it you'll never know or feign gratitude if she didn't want it.

sonjadog · 15/04/2021 17:29

I wouldn't be delighted if I were your neighbour. My thought process would be something like "Now that she has sent me this I will have to find something to send her and now there is yet another thing I have to fit into my day. And she just recently asked me if I wanted to hang out and I thought it was clear I didn't want to and now she is still trying to make me be friends with her and this is going to get really awkward". None of this may be fair or what you would think, but that would be my immediate reaction to this.

What I would like, is if someone offered to take the dog out for me occasionally. That would be real, meaningful help that would cut down on my work load and free up time, and it also wouldn't make me concerned about what they wanted from me. I would think that they just wanted to hang out with my dog, which as he is completely brilliant is completely understandable. So if I were you, I would suggest that to your neighbour.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 15/04/2021 17:30

@osbertthesyrianhamster

It's kind but if someone made me lasagne I wouldn't be able to eat it and it would go in the bin. I'm lactose intolerant and adversely conditioned to the taste of dairy and vegetarian. I'd ask first.
They had a charlie bingham lasagne in the bin. I think it's safe to say it'll be fine as long as OP doesn't add anything outrageous to hers.
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 15/04/2021 17:32

@toffeebutterpopcorn

Re company - when my sisters neighbour died they told his wife that they were pretty late-to-bed-ers and that anytime the hall light was on, they'd be up so she could come over for a chat/sit/tea/gin/pat the dog. They left the hall light on 24/7 for her.
😢that's so kind, especially leaving the light in 24/7. Your sister is lovely. 💐
osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 17:33

They had a charlie bingham lasagne in the bin. I think it's safe to say it'll be fine as long as OP doesn't add anything outrageous to hers.

My husband loves lasagne. But I can't eat it. Maybe it was her wife's. Or they had it and found it disgusting. I really wouldn't cook something for someone without asking first.

Exhausted4ever · 15/04/2021 17:33

Can you be my neighbour please

MNWorldisCrazy · 15/04/2021 17:35

@duvetdreaming

I'd be horrified if a neighbour did that, I can look after meals and so on myself thank you would be how I'd feel.
Wow you have an attitude problem if that's how you'd react to a neighbour trying to be kind by making your day easier. It was tradition years ago, whenever someone in the family died, neighbours would bring meals over so the bereaved family didn't have to think about cooking whilst they were upset. In this case a tired NHS worker on her own. That's literally all it means. No offence intended
grapewine · 15/04/2021 17:36

@toffeebutterpopcorn

Re company - when my sisters neighbour died they told his wife that they were pretty late-to-bed-ers and that anytime the hall light was on, they'd be up so she could come over for a chat/sit/tea/gin/pat the dog. They left the hall light on 24/7 for her.
So lovely!
MNWorldisCrazy · 15/04/2021 17:36

@Lassy1945

When I was ill neighbours cooked for me I was so touched (to the point of tears). But I binned. I only like organic meat (couldn’t say that to them!) and I have no idea what their kitchen is like or how they cook (hardly knew them) I felt dreadful but didn’t want to risk it
Wow how snobbish and mean
JorisBonson · 15/04/2021 17:36

That's a lovely thing to do OP. My mum's neighbours do it for her sometimes when she works long shifts and I know how much she appreciates it.

sadpapercourtesan · 15/04/2021 17:37

It's a lovely thing to do, and the Charlie Bigham evidence suggests it will be well received.

Even if it turns out your neighbours are nervous clean freaks/organic only/suspect you of putting Novichok in it and it ends up in the bin, it's still a kind, neighbourly gesture which will be appreciated. So I'd do it.