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AIBU?

To have had enough of caring for my disabled dd

180 replies

chickensaresafehere · 15/04/2021 15:25

14 years & I'm tired.

Tired of being a constant carer,of it being all my world is.
Tired of thinking & worrying about the future. Hers & mine.

Tired of not being able to relax,of constantly being in fight/flight mode,so much so I've totally lost the ability to chill out. It's exhausting.

Tired of dreading school holidays.

Tired of having loads of services cut & respite taken away because of Covid.

Tired of not liking the person caring has made me into. I've lost who I am.

I know IABU. She is my world & I would do anything for her. So think before you judge me.

OP posts:

Report

Outnumbered99 · 15/04/2021 15:49

I empathise OP, I'm in a very similar situation. I have little practical advice but you are definitely not alone. I am very surprised through the pandemic that we haven't heard a lot more about the effects on unpaid carers, especially on the removal of respite.
Thinking of you

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 15/04/2021 15:51

No judgment here. Just hugs, tea and biscuits sent your way

GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 15/04/2021 15:52

I'm sorry that it is tough and sorry that our society spends more on things we don't need that important issues like care.

Immensely tough for carers.

Tooshytoshine · 15/04/2021 15:58

No judgement from me, only kind thoughts and respect.

It must be exhausting. I have no advice beyond letting yourself feel this without guilt. My son has social and emotional difficulties and profound learning difficulties. It's full on, but I'm not his full-time carer. I have thoughts like yours and have a fraction of the responsibility.

Be kind to yourself xxx

Zalto · 15/04/2021 16:01

I don’t judge you.

I’m not in the same situation as you, but my sister is and I can see how much it has broken her.

It’s so very, very hard.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 16:01

YANBU

GettingUntrapped · 15/04/2021 16:05

I too think it is incredibly cruel of the government to not support parents like you more. It's inhumane as you can't really have a life of your own.
Tell the authorities you can't cope and need much more respite.

WT422 · 15/04/2021 16:05

You are not being unreasonable and what you're feeling is completely normal for someone in your situation. Wishing you all the best

Diesse · 15/04/2021 16:06

No judgement at all. I think you’re a lionheart 💚💚💚

SuperheroBirds · 15/04/2021 16:10

Of course you are tired, no judgement here. Just because you love someone it doesn’t make it physically easier or mentally less exhausting. It sounds like you are a good mum, and doing your best. You need to recognise that and not expect yourself to be superhuman x

HEYBritneyAreYouReadyy · 15/04/2021 16:12

No judgment here. Just love, hugs & flowers.

therarebear · 15/04/2021 16:13

How could anyone judge you? I'm in tears for you. X

x2boys · 15/04/2021 16:16

@GettingUntrapped

I too think it is incredibly cruel of the government to not support parents like you more. It's inhumane as you can't really have a life of your own.
Tell the authorities you can't cope and need much more respite.

Whilst I know you mean well respite just isn't available in many areas and the any little bits people get parents have to fight tooth and nail for

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 15/04/2021 16:17

I doubt there'll be any judgment from people with experience of being a carer.

The added stress of the last year has made me feel like my brain is leaking out from my ears and eyes - if I could have a month to myself on a desert island, I'd take it. I feel like I've become a caricature who is not allowed any personal needs and whom many regard solely as a support human to others.

TableFlowerss · 15/04/2021 16:18

Aww OP it must be so so difficult for you. When you read this post and struggles, it just puts everything else in to perspective really.

Does dd have a diagnoses? Is there any emergency care that can help out a bit to give you a break? X

WhyNotNow21 · 15/04/2021 16:19

Hopefully school restarts soon. Try to hang in there. I'm so sorry. Just wanted to give hugs and support online and a cyber salute to you for all your incredible giving to your DD. I can imagine it must be relentless and exhausting and makes your hope dry up.

Is there any chance for a reprieve at some point. Are there any charities you could get in touch with to ask for help with? That might support you with occasional time away from the family to just be alone and be you, help you with your dreams and hopes?

Maybe here? carers.org/grants-and-discounts/charities-that-support-carers

TableFlowerss · 15/04/2021 16:20

The government should be doing more to help parents like you! If you walked out, they’d have to step in!

dontdisturbmenow · 15/04/2021 16:23

Which fool would dare judge you! Noone can fully understand what it's like to care for a disable child unless you do yourself, but everyone should u nderstand how utterly consuming and draining it must be.

MerryChristmasToYou · 15/04/2021 16:24

You need to sort out some respite. I don't know how but I'm sure one can find out.

It is perfectly understandable. You need a break too.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 15/04/2021 16:24

YADNBU. We're in self isolation now because a respite worker for disabled DC tested positive. Just now one of DC shat in a hole they made in the sofa base, because I took my eyes off him for one second to do something. Caring can be relentless.

ArabellaScott · 15/04/2021 16:26

I'm so sorry, OP. It sounds unimaginably hard.

Hoping you get some respite care sorted out very soon. Take care of yourself, as much as is possible.

anotherday235 · 15/04/2021 16:29

So sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope reading this thread will at least make you feel a bit more supported and appreciated even if it doesn't help with the sheer exhaustion. Thinking of you and hoping you get some rest and strength to carry on with the important role you are doing.

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DaisyDreaming · 15/04/2021 16:30

You aren’t being unreasonable and I bet every single parent of a child or adult with special needs, especially challenging ones could of written your post at some point. I’ve not been there myself but know so many wonderful parents who feel the same way as you do

notanothertakeaway · 15/04/2021 16:31

No judgement from me. I am in awe of family carers. My advice would be not to downplay it when talking to social work. Due to budget cuts, I can imagine respite is offered to those who appear to have the greatest need

NKFell · 15/04/2021 16:34

I can offer no help I'm afraid but just wanted to say you have no judgment other than how hard it must be for you. I hope you get a rest soon

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