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AIBU to not say hi to ex inlaws?

14 replies

lockdownlife2 · 15/04/2021 13:16

Me and ex split a few years ago, we have a good relationship and we coparent. But I just don’t like his family, especially his mum and sister. They’re horrible people, I was married to him for 8 years. Ex SIL attacked me when I was pregnant, ex mil talked shit behind my back and coming to my house like “hiya..” so fake and not knowing I knew everything she said. She said her son deserves better, I’m a bad mum and her son should have married one of all those other women “who were hitting on all the time” 🙄. They lie, use, and slander people. Ex SIL will only call ex DH if she needs something, they will only see each other once a year for Christmas at their mums. And of course ex DH is the golden child and does nothing wrong in his mums eyes. He doesn’t class SIL as family, the only family he has is his mum and I, ex and SIL have this fake relationship, and I feel sorry for him. She does nothing for him, but she will only call him if she needs something and he will help her. She pays him back by chatting shit about him. SIL and MIL also chat shit about each other, it’s just a weird family. So when me and ex separated in 2018, SIL said to ex that he’s happy he’s met someone new because now she gets a “ new SIL”. She was literally happy that my marriage broke down, I’ll admit I never spent any time with her, because I didn’t want to spend time with fake people. But seriously who says they’re happy someone’s marriage broke down because that means they’ll get a new SIL? Funny enough, that “new SIL” has exactly the same relationship I had with ex SIL. They only see each other once a year for Christmas that’s it. I had so much anxiety when I had to spend time with his mum/sister at Christmas or when his mum would come round, sometimes she would just come round and ignore me the entire time and just chat to her son even though I was sitting next to him. Would come in the house, hug her son and grandchildren and completely ignore me and I had no idea what was wrong. I’m so happy I’m out of that situation.

So my question is, if I see them in public what do I do? Should I say hi or just ignore? I often think about this, because we all live in the same area although his sister lives 30 mins away and his mum lives 10 mins away but we all live in London and who knows we might run into each other in the future. What would you do?

OP posts:

Amiable · 15/04/2021 13:19

I would definitely ignore.


sillysmiles · 15/04/2021 13:22

Personally I'd say hi and keep walking. I wouldn't like them to think they were important enough to affect me!


skirk64 · 15/04/2021 13:22

Smile, stick your middle finger up at them, and continue with your day. Don't stop, don't speak to them.


pippistrelle · 15/04/2021 13:23

I think I'd go with a casual hello, nothing more.

But really, what I'd focus on is not spending any more time thinking about them. They're substantially out of your life, you're happy about it, don't let them poison your thoughts any further.


Milkshake7489 · 15/04/2021 13:26

They sound horrible and you are well within your rights to ignore them... but a bright and breezy hello as you walk by will annoy them more Grin.


Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 15/04/2021 13:26

I would smile a cheery "good morniny/afternoon/hello" and walk on past with my head held high.
Treat them like you would someone you vaguely know from around town/school gates etc
It's the nice thing to do and paints you in a good light (no bitching that you've ignored them) and more importantly people like that cannot stand the idea that you have moved on and are happier and they are of so like consequence that you are so over it you can be polite.
They will be confused and then annoyed.Grin


Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 15/04/2021 13:27

I say I would do this but in reality I would probably fall over trying to hide behind a bin or a lamppost to escape Grin


Frymetothemoon · 15/04/2021 13:28

Definitely say hello, like you would to anyone else out of politeness, but no more. It will frustrate them more than ignoring them would


VimFuego101 · 15/04/2021 13:29


I say I would do this but in reality I would probably fall over trying to hide behind a bin or a lamppost to escape Grin


lockdownlife2 · 15/04/2021 13:38

The “ignore” approach would suit ex Mil well, she’s really good at that. One time she refused to come inside my house unless ex DH was present. She would park outside my house and sit in her car for an hour waiting for him to come home. As her car was parked just outside my house, the children could see her from the window and she would just sit there and wave to them, and they’re confused as to why “nanny is not coming inside”’ Oh the stories I could tell. They don’t occupy my thoughts anymore, but there was one time in my life where I would constantly sit there and think what is wrong with me, why can’t I get on with them? I’ve made my peace with that, and realised the problem is not with me, it’s them.

OP posts:

araiwa · 15/04/2021 13:39

I'd say hello but wouldn't stop


goldielockdown2 · 15/04/2021 13:45

See how you feel on the day should it ever happen. Stop giving them so much (any) headspace!


lockdownlife2 · 15/04/2021 15:52

Also realising that his mother would project her own insecurities onto me helped, because she wasn't happy with her life she wanted to bring me down. Honestly when he finally moved out, the knot in my stomach was gone and my chest wasn't heavy anymore. I could finally breathe knowing she wouldn't be in my house. In the beginning after he moved out, ex did ask me if he could bring his mum round to see the kids as "it's easier that way" but I put a stop to that, he didn't live here anymore and had no say in who can/cannot come. Now she only sees the kids when their with him.

Just looking outside my window everyday and not seeing her car makes me so happy. Took a while to get used to though, when you're so used to seeing the devil everyday Grin

OP posts:

Kissingspines · 15/04/2021 16:06

Don’t break your stride, wave and say “see ya” and think to yourself “wouldn’t wanna be ya!”

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