Friendships at different life stages

[Caerdydd99]

I am 46, have 2 kids (teens) and am fully in perimenopause with all that brings. I have a good friend expecting her first baby at 47.

Aibu to be finding it hard to navigate the friendship because of the different life stages we are at. I find that, as much as I really try, I find it hard to be interested in baby stuff. I am trying to be supportive.

On the flip, she’s not interested in teen stuff or perimenopause (I think she doesn’t want to face the fact that it’s coming to her soon because it highlights that she’s an older mum)

Aibu to find it so difficult & an unusual dilemma- I want to hang out & chat with people I can talk to about this stage of my life. Same for her. Feels like there’s no middle ground at the moment & might not be again as she’ll have a toddler when my kids are leaving home. I find I am not that interested in little kids as much as I was because I have been through it and I am not as patient as I was!!

I am trying to be a good friend but I honestly don’t want to spend hours talking about baby stuff anymore - and she’s not interested in anything else at the moment (understandably) as she won’t have teens until her 60’s.

It’s all so weird! She’s an old friend & I love her a lot but we have suddenly hit this strange thing that I didn’t expect.

She was travelling when my kids were small so it was different and I guess the roles will reverse. Anyone experienced this?

Hi op know what you mean. I was temping and found baby chat just boring. But then I prob bored her too with teen talk. Its hard when friends at different stages Im 48

@EssentialHummus

I dunno. I'm 35, with a toddler and pregnant. I love having friends at different life stages, especially women who are older than me. I remember making friends with a few when my DD was around a year old, and it was such a breath of fresh air after a long time spent discussing nothing but weaning, sleeping, local nurseries etc. I love hearing about what other people are up to outside my silo and (not to sound too patronising I hope) gaining a bit of perspective. I also have a single gay friend around my age and when we meet up we basically do a deep dive of the local property market - don't think it'd appeal much to anyone else but I think it's absolutely brilliant.

Your friend is excited and her pregnancy is the only thing on her mind. Hopefully she'll settle down soon.

Yes I'm like you. It's interesting to hear people's news who aren't in exactly my situation. Just a bit of variety. Although, I think it should go both ways and the friend should also show some interest in her life too.

Just move on The friendship is doomed for now. She needs to chat to other mums but look at older mums to get the support she needs. I doubt the 20 somethings will feel much in common with her. Either way, you want to be expanding your horizons, not narrowing them in the motherhood mafia.

@Dozer

Don’t think the majority do this.

I actually don't think I speak much, if at all, about my kids unless it's a parent with kids in the same bracket.

It tends to be boring for anyone else.

"HUH? Did you just come on here to make bitchy comments about someone you dont know?"

I don't think I've been bitchy. I'm just trying to see things from your friend's point of view and offer a different perspective, incase it helps you to maintain and continue valuing the friendship.

Is it possible you've been a bit guilty of pigeonholing her in to a sort of 'fun friend to rely on for escape from the drudgery of parenthood' role in your own life? You say this was a change you didn't expect in your friendship, if you're close has she never spoken of hoping to have her own family?

This was pretty much her last chance at motherhood, it's heartwarming news. I'd try and focus more on what this means for your friend.

I'd be too thrilled for a pal having a baby at last to get properly bored with the baby talk. Of course it's a bit annoying but it's a natural part of becoming a mum and taking the change seriously.

On the perimenopause point, don't be so sure your friend will be joining you soon - if she's having a baby, chances are that she's still got a while to go. I'm in my 50s with no signs of it at all so far, and I don't feel part of my friends' conversations about it. I don't find them boring though