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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HR meeting in the morning

53 replies

Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 20:36

Sorry to post here but desperate!

I have resigned but made it clear that I feel pushed out. I’ve worked at the company for 20 months and my notice will make it 23 months (so not meeting two years).

There are a multitude of issues which are hard to prove but the main evidential ones are that:

  • we have annual mini promotions, this is based on your performance. We work on projects. For the last 6-8 months I have been utilised 0-10%, people at the same grade have had 70-200% utilisation. I have been asking for work constantly. Without the work I’m unable to show I deserve the promotion (which I know I do). I wasn’t promoted this year as a result.
  • one senior employee, who left a few weeks after telling me, said that I would be a scapegoat for promotions as I didn’t join as a graduate. He then marked me down out of nowhere (not allowed) then agreed he shouldn’t have but it’s too late now (it wasn’t). He was angry with the company and the system it turns out and I was his easy punching bag.
  • during the pandemic I reached out to my work coach multiple times. First was that I had to care for CEV parents and felt very emotionally drained. The second was to explain that I’d been diagnosed with a MH issue that I consider a disability. This coupled with not getting any work has created panic as I’m so not used to working, I live in fear of work. When I have had bits to do I’ve been fine though, it’s just all due to a lack of support and fear of power hungry bosses.

Tomorrow I guess I’m meant to explain my resignation letter. Is there any point going into detail? This is the FIRST time someone has listened to my cries for help. I’ve spoken to several senior people and only upon resignation did they say they could find me work.
Or will it just be not worth my time going into much detail, and should I just nod and arrange my exit interview?

I absolutely did not want to leave. I wanted to stay at least 2 years for CV’s sake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 20:39

Sorry, on point 3 with work coach. He did nothing. Told me that he’s “sure there’s an EAP system”. He also suggested a promotion would be bad for my MH (??) and he’s the person who is meant to represent me and push for a promotion. He also told me I should resign or consider it.

OP posts:
HollyWoodGurl · 14/04/2021 20:49

I would speak to ACAS. I’m wondering if it is possible they are discriminating against you because of your MH issues.

Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 20:53

@HollyWoodGurl thanks for your response! I’m doubtful because I only told one person, who is senior to me, and I don’t think badly of him so can’t imagine him telling them, he’s just lazy and not good at this side of his job

OP posts:
Babygotblueyes · 14/04/2021 21:02

What have you got to lose by being open?

HollyWoodGurl · 14/04/2021 21:05

I think the fact that HR have asked you to a meeting means treat they want to hear your side of the story. If they are a decent HR dept they will be being very careful to ensure they no discrimination has taken place

SummerWhisper · 14/04/2021 21:13

Tell all, but stick to the facts. You can of course say you feel pushed out, but keep it factual as to why. A colleague telling you to resign is a big red flag. Think about the reasons for that.

Miltonma · 14/04/2021 21:14

Are hr aware of the medical issue? You don't need to have been with the company for two years so they may just be trying to find out if you plan to sue them for unlawful discrimination?

KingdomScrolls · 14/04/2021 21:23

Have they been misguided eg gave less work so you could support your vulnerable parents and so you didn't worsen your mental health at a difficult time, but by doing so have restricted your opportunities? If there was a reduced work plan to be implemented (I've done so for two of my staff) it should've been through a recorded HR process with a plan to exit back to usual workload and options for support via occ health etc

DrManhattan · 14/04/2021 21:27

You have handed your notice in but they are having the meeting now? Have they accepted it.

Lucyccfc68 · 14/04/2021 21:46

Could it be an exit interview? Lots of companies do these when you hand your notice in.

Thatwentbadly · 14/04/2021 21:54

Sounds like an exit interview to me. They ask the good and bad points of working for the company and then usually don’t do anything different.

Botanica · 14/04/2021 21:54

How you handle it would depend on what you want to achieve from it all.

Are you planning on raising a case for unfair dismissal?

Or just want to move on with your dignity intact and without burning any bridges?

If the latter, I would keep it very much to the point and bite your tongue on anything that could be viewed as subjective.

A lot of what you wrote sounds to me like a lack of fit - personalities, culture, expectations. Sometimes best to just recognising some places are a better match than others and to draw a line under it all and move on with our head held high.

Hopefully you'll have a better, more enjoyable role ahead of you in your next position.

Bonesy1 · 14/04/2021 21:59

I suspect they are exploring reasons for your resignation, and trying to do damage limitation/fend off any signs of constructive dismissal. I would prepare key points, keep them calm and measured, and offer one example of each. Don’t feel rushed or pushed to answer or say more. Let them do the talking, but do get your point across. You deserved better guidance and line management support

8bitgame · 14/04/2021 22:00

I would go to the meeting and be honest.

If the situation at work has exacerbated your MH condition, which they were aware of then they may have breached their duty of care to you.

HR will be concerned about this along with any potential discrimination in case you are planning to go to tribunal.

It does sound like you have potentially been discriminated against if your work coach said that they were not promoting you as it would be (in their unqualified option) bad for you mental health. Raise this at the meeting. Do you have any evidence? Emails / texts etc?

At worse you will have highlighted issues where the company can hopefully learn and improve. At best you may walk away with a settlement agreement or, if it's what you want, your job back with some proper support.

Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 22:01

@KingdomScrolls no, they are unaware about my parents. My coach never did anything with what I told him. People skills are very low in my department and it’s one of the biggest criticisms of staff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 22:01

@DrManhattan

OP posts:
Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 22:02

Whoops @DrManhattan - what do you mean accepted it? I handed it to our department HR woman and she emailed saying “thanks I have forwarded it to HR”

Apparently speaking to HR is normal and part of the exit process

OP posts:
Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 22:05

I don’t plan to sue, I would have minimal proof and I wouldn’t want the headache.
I don’t want to leave on bad terms but I don’t want to pretend it’s been fine and dandy, when I’ve missed out on opportunities, pushed my career back by a year and been treated quite badly by some colleagues.

I want to highlight the issues. I want there to be change, maybe not for me but for the other colleagues who have felt the same.

I think discrimination would be impossible to prove.

OP posts:
8bitgame · 14/04/2021 22:07

I would definitely go to the meeting and I would say very clearly that you had put them on notice of your MH condition and it was foreseeable that not giving you work would exacerbate this and you feel they have breached their duty of care in this regard.

See what they say.

I agree you will struggle to sue without any evidence but maybe they will improve for others.

fiorentina · 14/04/2021 22:14

It’s an exit interview but they can learn from your experiences so being honest and factual is good. However I wouldn’t go in with your hopes up that this will benefit you unfortunately. I think as you’ve clearly told them you were struggling with balancing caring duties, your own mental health it would potentially have been irresponsible to push to promote you but sounds like you were not given the support you needed. Do you have a new role to go to?

Original poster
Abracadabra14 · 14/04/2021 22:23

This is most likely to discuss reasons for leaving and to arrange exit interview. The exit interview isn’t done til closer to leaving date, I won’t leave til July.

@fiorentina yes I have a new (better) role. But I really feel panicky leaving in the midst of the pandemic / worried about job security.

The thing with my parents came up when I was explaining my general well-being in a coaching call. The MH issue came up after months with no work and I explained how I was worried and felt like it was affecting my career not having this work. So not sure he could make that conclusion.

Also, I should add, I have been a loud voice for change in the department around diversity - when I mentioned how I was annoyed no one seems to care, my coach asked if I’d considered working for a charity.

I spent a degree and three years to get my ACA, then years working to get to this position. So I took that badly.

OP posts:
HosannainExcelSheets · 14/04/2021 22:28

Remember that HR's job is to protect the company. They are there to try to make sure you don't cause any problems. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that HR care about your side of the story or you in any way at all.

You're not obligated to say anything much at an exit interview. It's best to stay dignified and move on. You've already left.

TheKeatingFive · 14/04/2021 22:43

What HosannainExcelSheets posted is spot on.

It doesn’t sound like the company was a good fit with you. I doubt they really care about your side of the story, that’s not the point of this. You would be wise to keep this light and brief and move on with your life.

Poppins2016 · 14/04/2021 22:49

yes I have a new (better) role. But I really feel panicky leaving in the midst of the pandemic / worried about job security.

Trust your instinct to leave. Your new, better, opportunity sounds like a really good move. You don't have any more job security in your current role (under 2 years service with issues flagged) than you will.in your new role. I'd say you have nothing to lose.

Womencanlift · 14/04/2021 22:52

From your comments on promotion, coaches and utilisation I can take a guess on where you work (at least the type of area you work in). Take it from experience that type of work is suited to a particular type of person as it is very dog eat dog

Don’t be concerned about this HR meeting as pp’s have said be factual about your experience and if you have ideas on how they could have handled things better then share it. Yes it won’t make any difference for you but could help similar people to you in the future

Good luck in your new job