Are these unreasonable works hours

[Notadisneyprincess]

Dh is a shift worker, combination of earlies, lates and nights. Very much goes in for when his shift starts and leaves when it finishes. Unable to work from home due to nature of job and never worked in an office environment.

I work in an office based role, tho currently wfh since last year. Long term likely to be 2 days in the office 3 at home.

I work 8 hours a day, sometimes more depending on workload. Current routine is roughly:

Get up and get dd up and ready for school. Will log laptop on and open key documents before leaving for school drop off at 830.

Back home and online working for 9am

Work until about 12, take 15 - 30 minutes for some lunch depending if I am doing pick up for dd. May also put some washing on or empty the dishwasher.

If doing pick up will leave about 3pm for 315 pick up

Back one 330 ish and work until 5pm. Sometimes later if something needs finishing urgently

Stop as needed in the day for to get a drink/bathroom etc, but these are usually 5 minutes etc

Dh thinks this is unreasonable and I am working too much and that I should be able to stop for 10 minutes here and there. Mainly to have a chat with him, watch something on TV with him etc.

During the home school phase as well i was doing the majority of schooling so would occasionally work after dd had gone to bed to catch up. Work had agreed this and luckily they are an understanding employer as I appreciate i was lucky here.

I really don't think my day is unreasonable, but just wondering what other people think

He either doesnt respect your job (and you), or he is a skiver at work and doesnt understand most people aren't.

Interrupting your calls and meetings is sabotage of your career.

Ask him which of those options is the reason for his behaviour.

You need to get out of the mindset of persuading him/explaining it to him, it's ok if he doesn't understand your job/wfh/etc, he doesn't have to but he does need to listen to what you say and not argue with you about it. You don't exist for his amusement.

Something tells me this isn't the only way he is a total dick to you.

When he is at work could he pop out for a chat with you if you hovered outside his workplace? Or watch something on tv with you during his shift? If not, this really shouldn't be particularly difficult for him to understand.

I don’t say this lightly but it almost sounds abusive. Why on earth would he sabotage your job like that?!
My DP wouldn’t dream of interrupting
me when I’m on a work call and even stayed in the kitchen after dinner last night so he didn’t get caught on camera walking past me while I had a late call with a US client.

I agree with a previous poster, I can imagine he’s a bit of a dick in other ways as well.

Agree that's actually quite short working hours so not sure why he is complaining.

Quite often he will pop in when I am on calls and expect me to be able to answer him when I am talking/presenting. He doesn't understand that when I am at work its no different to being in the office and if I was in a meeting at work I wouldn't be able to answer his messages on my phone

Unless he has additional needs, he does understand. He just doesn't think it (or you and your job) matter.

Your hours sound fairly normal and if you have a home office set up, he shouldn't even enter it when you are working unless the house is on fire or similar.

You're working and as for him thinking you can sit and watch TV with him while you're supposed to be working, that's ridiculous.

Sounds like he doesn't take your job seriously.

Is your dh really thick? He is a grown adult, who also works, and doesn't understand why you can't watch telly with him while you work!

@Umbivalent

Your hours sound perfectly reasonable. It's your DH that isn't.

Yeah this. You’re not being paid to watch TV/ chat with him. You wouldn’t be doing that if you were in the office, would you.

I think you've got it pretty cushty.

You work 3 hrs, half hour break, work 2.5 hrs, half hour break, work 1.5hr. Plus breaks for toilet and drinks. I really don't see what more you could want. You work 7 hrs with two half hour breaks. You're legally entitled to one 20 minute break.

Your husband sounds ever so clingy. Get a lock for the office door and a do not disturb sign?

@Notadisneyprincess

he's complaining that I don't move away from my computer enough and that I work in the room we have dedicated as an office (which has multiple screens set up in) rather than bringing the laptop into the living room and sitting with him.

I probably pop out to get a drink 5 - 6 times a day (i drink a lot of water) and toilet breaks etc, so I do get up and stretch and walk around.

Quite often he will pop in when I am on calls and expect me to be able to answer him when I am talking/presenting. He doesn't understand that when I am at work its no different to being in the office and if I was in a meeting at work I wouldn't be able to answer his messages on my phone.

I also have tried to explain that I have a really understanding employer and I would like WFH to continue so I don't want to be seen to be taking the mickey and not getting the work done!

He basically thinks I work too much. Should also point out that I am 32 weeks pregnant so I am trying to take things easier which is why getting out for a walk and some fresh air is important to me at the moment.

Actually, from reading this I think your partner is either stupid or acting like a spoilt, petulant child who wants your attention. You’re not working too much. It’s not as if you’re on your feet 14 hours a day. You’re pregnant, not ill. You’re doing about 7 hours (which is not excessive), and are taking regular breaks etc... Why the fuck can he not entertain himself when you are at work?

sounds like a very normal, flexible work day. No evening working and able to do school run. Sounds great.

Your husband is very wrong, if you were working in the office you wouldn't phone him up to chat. You are at work

to be blunt, is he really really stupid?

Why does he need you to watch TV him? Watch with Mother or Postman Pat?

he's complaining that I don't move away from my computer enough and that I work in the room we have dedicated as an office (which has multiple screens set up in) rather than bringing the laptop into the living room and sitting with him.

He sounds really clingy and needy. Would drive me batty. He needs a bloody hobby or something.

Quite often he will pop in when I am on calls and expect me to be able to answer him when I am talking/presenting. He doesn't understand that when I am at work its no different to being in the office and if I was in a meeting at work I wouldn't be able to answer his messages on my phone.

Even my 6 year old understands that he can't interrupt me when I'm in a meeting. This is ridiculous behaviour - I'd be furious with him.

@Angrypregnantlady

I think you've got it pretty cushty.

You work 3 hrs, half hour break, work 2.5 hrs, half hour break, work 1.5hr. Plus breaks for toilet and drinks. I really don't see what more you could want. You work 7 hrs with two half hour breaks. You're legally entitled to one 20 minute break.

Have you misread the post?

I agree that you shouldn't take extra breaks just to spend the time with DH.
But if you're both at time, I think it's odd that you don't eat lunch together or at least have a 5 minute chat over a cup of tea. And if you're doing things like popping to the shop while DH picks up the DC, I can see why he thinks that you have some control over taking more breaks if you want to.

I'm in a similar-ish situation to you OP. My DP works shifts, early or late, but no nights. I'm currently WFH in what would normally be an office based role.

DP likes us to spend time together when he's home, as do I. But, he asks me if and when it's possible. He is aware that my work is important, so he tried to fit in around that. Today I started earlier, and will finish a little later, but I am taking a longer lunch break so we can go for a long walk together and get a coffee.

He also wouldn't think to interrupt me while I'm on a call. In fact, he makes himself scarce, and intercepts all interruptions from my DDs.

Your DH is taking the piss.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz if I have I can't see what I've got wrong.

@GoldSlipper

If your partner is home could he not do the school run? This would allow you to take a 1 hour lunch with him - spend a little bit of quality time together?

When I was WFH I adjusted my lunch so I could take it with DH who was also WFH.

That aside - your work day sounds normal.

A 1 hour lunch for a 8 hour shift?

Gosh I am in the wrong job!!

That sounds fairly normal, though still short ish probably for my field. I work about the same in the course of a day, start 8:30-9am, short lunch (having it now), school run 2:45-3:15 (dh does morning one), work til 4:45. But then I also often work 8:30-10pm after dc go to bed.

I do stop to do things here and there during the day. Some days I will go for a run at some point or do 30 minutes of yoga or take a walk. I certainly wouldn't watch tv during the day. I would be annoyed if dh was home and trying to talk to me. A sort conversation while I was making lunch, fine. But definitely not regular interruptions and definitely not while I'm actually working.

OP your hours sound perfectly normal. If you were physically at work he wouldn't expect you to be providing him company and as for the working in the living room, it will must take you longer as you won't be concentrating properly.

You're doing quite well actually. My day follows a very similar pattern to your but I end up dipping in and out from 5-9pm while trying to do dinner and bedtime and then at 9pm may work a bit more. I feel like it never ends and the lines are so blurred but still prefer working from home. I dint take a lunch break at all. I'm manically busy most of the time.