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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My child has been left out of every trip and outing with the nursery

100 replies

CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:22

My DC has been going to nursery for a year.

The nursery takes the children on regular outings and trips to parks, garden centres and places like that. Pictures and snippets of videos from these outings are posted on the nurseries Instagram page often.

It came to my attention that my DC has never once gone on one of these outings or gone anywhere with the nursery, but the captions on the videos state that "all children at * nursery get to experience the great outdoors with them" and other similar captions portraying inclusivity.

After another of these videos popped up on my newsfeed I sent a polite message and asked whether those trips are only scheduled on certain days as my LO hasn't had any of those opportunities yet. They read it but I got no response.

I'm aware that my DC can be quite a handful but they do have special needs, as do %80-90 of the other children at this particular nursery.

AIBU to think it's unfair to include my child in any of these trips?

OP posts:
Horehound · 14/04/2021 09:23

Yeh that seems unfair. Can you call them and ask rather than messaging. That way they can't ignore you

Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:25

@Horehound

Yeh that seems unfair. Can you call them and ask rather than messaging. That way they can't ignore you
Im planning on raising it in person when they return next week for that reason. My poor boy loves outings Sad
OP posts:
shouldistop · 14/04/2021 09:25

What a shame. I'd call them to find out what's going on.

Horehound · 14/04/2021 09:25

Aw what a shame. Hope you get it sorted

Thatwentbadly · 14/04/2021 09:27

Is he there every day and all day? Are these trips happening when he is at nursery?

Kpo58 · 14/04/2021 09:27

Have you accidentally signed a form that says he isn't allowed out on trips at nursery? I know that mine had a form to allow them to take the kids out.

Mackie2020 · 14/04/2021 09:27

Just to clarify - are you saying the nursery only plans trips on days when your DC doesn't attend? How many days a week are they there?

Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:29

He's there three full days a week.

I did wonder whether it was the case that the outings were routinely scheduled on a day he's not there, as a matter of routine, but them not clarifying that and the lack of response made me a bit Confused

If that was the case, I'd have hoped adaptations would be made to account for the children who aren't there on, say, Thursday's or whenever.

Not every child there goes mon-fri

OP posts:
bjjgirl · 14/04/2021 09:30

If they happen on a day your dc is not at nursery then yabu, as the nursery may have had to rely on staff availability for the outing. Also if your dc has additional needs is it possible for them to adequately staff it? Perhaps you could volunteer to accompany?

Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:30

I've never signed anything to say he shouldn't be taken out no, I actually think he'd really benefit from those trips out.

OP posts:
RevolvingPivot · 14/04/2021 09:30

How often are these trips? Do you think it's a coincidence?

Are the trips always on the same days? They must be if your son hadn't been on any.

TheSockMonster · 14/04/2021 09:31

It does seem like a very odd coincidence seeing as he’s been going there for a year. Maybe there are genuine reasons why it wouldn’t be safe to take him, but if there are they should be upfront about this with you.

shouldistop · 14/04/2021 09:31

It seems odd that if he's there 3 full days a week they wouldn't switch around days to include all children.
My sons nursery have an Easter holiday programme just now with different activities every day mom-fri, they switched them around for the second week so everyone got a chance at everything.

user1471523870 · 14/04/2021 09:31

Maybe you didn't consent to him being filmed/photographed/put on social media/etc? This would be the case for my LO.

Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:31

@bjjgirl

If they happen on a day your dc is not at nursery then yabu, as the nursery may have had to rely on staff availability for the outing. Also if your dc has additional needs is it possible for them to adequately staff it? Perhaps you could volunteer to accompany?
It's a nursery primarily for disabled children and the staff ratio reflect that.

I can't say for sure whether the trips are on the same day every week or whether they alternate days, as I haven't received a response.

I'm going to raise it on Monday.

I'd be more than happy to accompany them on any trips to supervise If that was ok with them.

OP posts:
delilabell · 14/04/2021 09:32

My ds's pre school would invite everyone to trips out (not just a walk to the park) and events eg mothers day stay and play, whether it was thrir day in or not.
At his previous nursery they wouldn't take him as he was "too much of a handful" (undiagnosed special needs)

bjjgirl · 14/04/2021 09:32

The thing is that they may have different staffing levels on different days, they can't be expected to amend their staffing due to your availability, as this will cost the business and the staff may have childcare needs etc

Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:33

He regularly appears on the Instagram page (with his face blurred out, like the other children) just never featured on the days out.

I recall signing something to say they could post him on their social media, as they blur all the children's faces as a matter of protocol.

OP posts:
Shoppingwithmother · 14/04/2021 09:35

Just a thought, but have you refused consent for photos/videos? Could it be that either they have gone, but not appeared in the photos? Or that the nursery are only taking children that can appear in photos (not that it would be ok if this was the reason)?

Thatwentbadly · 14/04/2021 09:35

When DD1 started nursery her baby room was under capacity so they often when on little trip so we the digger etc when they had more children in they stopped going on as many trips.

Shoppingwithmother · 14/04/2021 09:35

Sorry, cross post!

Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:37

I'm happy to be flexible and do what I can on my end to enable them to include DS, they've just never spoken to me about it.

I've been thinking this for a while but didn't want to make a fuss incase it's a case of "we always go on Thursdays and Fridays, and always have"

But then I feel there should be some adjustment made (happy for that to be on my end) which enables him to be included.

The last video that went up was the children all sitting in the new mini bus with the manager doing a voiceover saying how all of the children at the nursery get to experience days out with them and that's what prompted me to reach out.

The reading and not responding has now made me wonder whether it's a deliberate thing because they think DS will be too disruptive, it wouldn't be the first time I've got that impression.

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriousGe · 14/04/2021 09:39

I'm 100 percent sure he hasn't gone on any of the trips as we have a nursery-parent book that comes home with him at the end of his days which tells us what he's done during the day. No mention of ever going out. It's always stuff like..

Played with sand box
Sang songs
Did numbers
Story time etc

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 14/04/2021 09:42

You sound extremely reasonable and very willing to do anything you can to help.
(Just an aside but a send placement cannot use inadequate staffing as a reason to exclude if it's a funded send placement).

So I think if you approach it with the attitude you have "it would really benefit my ds and I'm happy to volunteer to support nursery on trips out" it should be a good and hopefully productive conversation.

The only reason they may not take him if he's there that day is because their risk assessment shows they cannot make him safe. But again this is something you can work with them on because you know your best.

PicaK · 14/04/2021 09:44

Just to say if they return next week then they won't be replying to your email because they're on holiday.

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