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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want to leave DS for two nights at 18 months old?

43 replies

Slatternforlife · 14/04/2021 07:29

We had a holiday booked for two nights last year in Cornwall, just me and DH, but due to Covid it was cancelled.
DS was going to be staying with my mum and I felt comfortable with it at the time as he wasn’t particularly clingy and very chilled.
Now though we are supposed to be going at the beginning of July and I’m already starting to dread leaving him.
He’s very very clingy with me at the moment and much more hard work (but fun!) than he was when we were originally going to leave him and due to Covid mum, who was going to be looking after him, has only ever had him for a few hours at a time and I’ve always been in the house working elsewhere.

I just keep thinking it’s not going to be fair on him as he’s not used to it and we are going to be really far away, it’s not like we can just pop back if something goes wrong, it’s a five hour drive! (We picked it because we had some credit to use for the hotel).

I’m in a dilemma now as what to do, DH is fine with going and can’t wait and I’ve been looking forward to it up until now when the anxiety has kicked in and I just keep thinking but what if something goes wrong while we aren’t there? I trust mum or I wouldn’t have suggested her looking after him in the first place but I just can’t shake the feeling :(

OP posts:
Archaea · 14/04/2021 07:35

Is there no option to take him too?

user1493413286 · 14/04/2021 07:36

I think that feeling is very normal; my DD is 4 and even now I worry sometimes even though she’s stayed with family members quite a few times. We went to a child free wedding abroad for 3 nights when DD was 18 months (we’d committed to it before I realised how hard it would be to leave her) and she stayed at home with my mil; i did miss her a lot but I felt confident about my mil in law having her and it was actually really good for me and DH to have that time away together and amazing to have a bit of a break.
I’d definitely suggest that your mum tries out having your DD overnight or at least for the evening before you go though so that she can have experience of bedtime and that will help your DD settle too.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 14/04/2021 07:37

I'd just take him.

pictish · 14/04/2021 07:37

It’ll be fine. You can stay in touch on the phone. Just go.

DelBocaVista · 14/04/2021 07:38

He'll be fine! Me and DH have had regular city breaks abroad since DS was 1. It's good for us to have adult time and DS has a ball being spoilt rotten by the in laws!

Could you get you mum to have him overnight a couple of times before as a practice run?

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/04/2021 07:40

Surely you have time before the holiday for a trial run? Even if its just one night.

Original poster
Slatternforlife · 14/04/2021 07:42

Can’t take him it’s an adults only place.
Yes I think we can probably do a night where she stays here and watches him and then a night where she takes him to hers but I’m
still worrying!

OP posts:
Springchickpea · 14/04/2021 07:42

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here, it’s more about how you feel and what you want.

Plenty of people start to leave kids at this age overnight, and it’s quite a normal thing to do in a) non covid times and b) if grandparents live nearby. My sister lives near our parents and has always been off on this/that romantic weekend. And I left my youngest at about this age to go on a work overnighter - but obviously the kids were at home with DH.

At the same time, if you don’t want to that’s perfectly fine. Honestly I’d look at taking him with you because Cornwall is great for kids. It will be a different vibe, but that’s the right choice for some people. It’s probably what we would have done in that situation.

StevieG55 · 14/04/2021 07:47

Yeah I wldnt can't u take him with u? Especially as ur mum has hardly watched him and it way too far away.

My mum looks after my 16 month old once a week while I'm working and even she and I wldnt be comfortable with 2 overnights. I'm trying to talk her in to taking her for one overnight. She's not so keen as she mainly doesn't sleep through and only wants me in the night so we r both a bit worried about that.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/04/2021 07:47

It's natural to worry, but you still have another couple of months, lots of time for him to settle with her.

It'll be fine!

Livingonadream · 14/04/2021 07:49

I would try and go still and try not to worry. It will be good for you, your child and your mum!

MsChatterbox · 14/04/2021 07:51

I would spend from now until then doing weekly "settling in" sessions with your mum. Start leaving him there for an hour. Increase it by an hour each week - building up to an overnight stay with her. Have her stay overnight with you before that and she can do bedtime with you. It's a completely normal feeling. I would be exactly the same!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/04/2021 07:52

He will be completely fine! Try a night earlier as a practice

Original poster
Slatternforlife · 14/04/2021 07:53

Thank you. If she does it she’s staying in our house with him so everything will be familiar and baby proofed etc so he won’t have to deal with going elsewhere as well as us not being here so hopefully that will help as well

OP posts:
Wiredforsound · 14/04/2021 07:56

Your mother managed to raise you and any siblings you may have. What makes you think she couldn’t look after your child? I’m assuming you have Zoom/messenger/House Party/a phone for regular contact? You’re going to Cornwall, not Australia. It is entirely your choice, though it really sounds like you could do with a break!

Wiredforsound · 14/04/2021 07:57

Wait, this isn’t even happening for 2.5 months and already you’re anxious about it? You DEFINITELY need a break!

pictish · 14/04/2021 07:57

I agree that it sounds like you would benefit from a break.

LeibnizQueen · 14/04/2021 08:02

Crikey I wouldn't even consider taking him. I really don't understand those suggesting it. Glad it's not possible due to location.

Would totally wipe out the point of the break surely. 5hr drive x2 with 18month old would be hard going at the very least before you add on the fact that the child's needs would then dominate the whole break

Trial the night away and just go. Sounds like it could be much needed for you.

Ellieboolou33 · 14/04/2021 08:04

Send him to mums and go!
Assuming your mum is loving and wants to have him I don't see a problem. It's 2 nights!

LeibnizQueen · 14/04/2021 08:04

I'm very much of the opinion that you need to invest in marriage preservation when kids are small and hard work.
Preservation before its is a crisis I mean.

Mindymomo · 14/04/2021 08:11

Do a night with your Mum soon and see how it goes. My MIL had my son from 10 months old, as we went to a wedding for a night. It’s normal to feel anxious and when your away first time, all you do is talk and think about them.

BeeDavis · 14/04/2021 08:32

If you can’t leave him now you never will! Not good for you or the child. I’m pregnant and due in October. We already had a night away planned in December before falling pregnant and we will be going. My mum has insisted and she’ll have the baby. I would hate to be in a situation where me and my fiancé can’t have a night away from the child!

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 14/04/2021 13:56

Lots of sessions between now and then for him to get used to her looking after him will be an investment for this trip and many others.

If you can, invite her for dinner a few times and get him used to her putting him to bed. Let her have lunch with him in her own with you out of the house.

Sometimes, if he comes to feel more familiar with his gran and enjoy visits to her house, it is better for a child to be away from home, rather than at home where Mummy usually is.

See how he is over the next couple of months.

notlovinglockdownlife · 14/04/2021 14:08

Just go. DS will be fine and it'll do you both good. I'm sure your mum doesn't need to practise putting him to bed either Confused

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2021 14:15

Let him stay at mums for a night now

Or her cone to you and you go to hers