Stopping breastfeeding

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How did you stop bf? My ds is 2 1/2yo and shows no sign of wanting to and is obsessed with it! A few friends have said their child just stopped wanting it one day. When does this happen? Does this happen? My ds wakes in the night for it multiple times. I so want a decent night sleep!

If I were you, I would go cold turkey. I did with both of my children. Waking several times at 2.5 needs to stop, for both of you. You will have a few rough nights, but then it will be all behind you.

I am in the exact same boat with the same age but my daughter is mostly night weaned. I only feed her at 4 am otherwise she would start the day then.

She's boob obsessed if I'm there but if I'm not she is happy to go without. As soon as she sees me it "sit down mummy" as she wants it.

I would love to stop too so no advice I'm afraid but a hand hold

Thanks both, I appreciate the advice. I don't mind it so much in the day as it's only if I sit down that he'll ask for it. The night time is the one I think seems impossible to crack. He comes into my bed at about 11 and would happily stay latched all night if I let him. I'm going to try tonight not letting him have it and see what happens.

For night time feeds I went cold turkey. I wore a vest and a high necked pyjama top to stop DC from helping themselves during the night and when they woke up I gave them cuddles but no milk. We had around a week of rough nights because hell hath no fury like a pissed off toddler but the message sank in and the night feeds stopped.

For during the day I dropped any sort of schedule or plan and adopted a policy of "don't offer, don't refuse" so I didn't offer any feeds at all but if DC 'asked' for a feed then I gave them one. All four of them naturally dropped their feeds and within a few weeks of doing this they dwindled down to only having their bedtime feed then that was easy enough to stop cold turkey once we were ready for it.

I reduced length of feeds. So to begin with it was like 30 seconds, then reduced it to like 20 seconds, then 10 seconds. I did this over a few weeks, by them time we got to 10 seconds the feed wasn't worth the effort so naturally stopped

I just said no. I had to stop cold turkey for reasons beyond my control so I just started saying no and offering her cows milk instead. If it was in the daytime I would try and distract her with something else, at night I just gave her big long cuddles instead. At 2.5 your DD does not need the milk for nutrition, it's all about comfort. It only took about 5 days before she forgot all about it.

I think I used the phrase- 'nearly all gone' for a while, then- oh dear- all gone! And offered a cup of milk. It was never as bad as I feared it would be. One child was much easier than the other, we always just got it down to one feed before bed through distraction, then that was the last to go. Good luck!

Thank you, everyone! Last night I covered up as a pp suggested and when he came into my room he asked for milk but when I said no and cuddled him instead he only did a very short whimper then went back to sleep. 🤞 for the same tonight. I felt so lovely and refreshed this morning. I really appreciate your advice. When I talk to people about it irl, they say how it's only for a short time and i'll miss it when the night time feeds are gone. I hate these comments, it makes me feel like a mean, moaning mummy.

Last night he woke at 3am, asked for a cuddle and went back to sleep until 7:15!!

Excellent, OP, glad you're getting more sleep!

Yay! Glad it's going well. More sleep changes everything!

I cold turkey night weaned with both at 14months, though DC2 was sleeping 11-6 by then anyway. DC1 was not and night weaning took 3 nights where DH went in to him and essentially held him whilst he screamed. It was pre covid, so I slept elsewhere as both DH and I knew he would really hate night weaning. As yours is older though you could follow the Jay Gordon method.

Actually stopping breastfeeding in the day was much harder. I did "don't offer don't refuse" with both. And also actively distracted when they did ask, only giving it them when they were persistent, as I figured they really needed it at that point (not necessarily the milk, but the contact, the closeness etc). DC1 took ages to stop asking and in the end I had to offer "hand booba" instead, so he did about 6 months of holding my boob in comfort rather than feeding. He's 5 now, and very, very occasionally when ill or really upset he will ask for hand boob.

DC2 is 2.5 and still feeds about once a fortnight, she's easily distracted if not very tired or upset. I don't let her feed when tired though, unless overtired due to something we've done (keep her out late etc) as I won't let her feed to sleep.

Can I ask, without offending anybody, just genuinely interested. Why are people breastfeeding at 2.5? Is it comfort?
I know someone breastfeeding a child of that age, and am not comfortable enough to ask as we’re not close enough but I don’t really understand.
I never breastfed so admittedly don’t know anything about it past the initial stage of being babies only nutrition.

@Blossomplease6

Can I ask, without offending anybody, just genuinely interested. Why are people breastfeeding at 2.5? Is it comfort? I know someone breastfeeding a child of that age, and am not comfortable enough to ask as we’re not close enough but I don’t really understand. I never breastfed so admittedly don’t know anything about it past the initial stage of being babies only nutrition.

It is still nutritionally relevant at 2.5. My kids have never drunk cows milk, just breastmilk (they have cows milk on cereal and stuff, just never as a drink). Where as other children drink cows milk instead, I just didn't see the point.

The child also likes the closeness and comfort it provides (and some parents like that too). I don't like breastfeeding, I only did it with DC1 as I had pre-natal anxiety and post-natal depression which made me essentially prostrate myself if I didn't do "THE BEST" for my child (as in what the so-called experts say). I actually found breastfeeding quite easy, but far from enjoyable. I did it with DC2 because I couldn't be bothered with the faff of having to remember to sterilise and take bottles with me!

Biologically children are designed to wean at somewhere between 4 and 8 (when the 'milk' teeth start to fall out and the jaw alignment changes to reduce the effectiveness of suckling). Average age of weaning across the globe is between 2 and 4 and the WHO recommends feeding until at least 2 (though I take what they say with a pinch of salt). Breast milk contains enzymes, bacteria and antibodies which change and adapt to a child's needs so can continue to support them as they grow, it doesn't stop being nutritionally beneficial at 6 months, 12 months or whatever. Its unusual in the UK to feed past 1yo but that's cultural rather than biological and lots to do with the sexualisation and pornification of women, though is now jus culturally normal due to the slow pace.

Obviously lots of women don't want to breastfeed and it is is wonderful that in the UK and most western countries we have that option so readily available. And whilst I think there is merit in the benefits of breastmilk on a population scale, it isn't something which should be dictated to women.

The fall of breastfeeding in western cultures is a fascinating subject!

And I'm always happy to answer extended breastfeeding questions, whether someone is trying to offend me or not!

@dotdashdashdash - that is an excellent post. So often, threads about breastfeeding become rather 'hot' because it is so emotive for some women, but your response is so balanced.

I also really appreciate Dot's post - thank you!

I'm still feeding my 15 month old, and it feels as natural as it did when she was 5 months. She's still a tiny mammal!

@Blossomplease6

Can I ask, without offending anybody, just genuinely interested. Why are people breastfeeding at 2.5? Is it comfort? I know someone breastfeeding a child of that age, and am not comfortable enough to ask as we’re not close enough but I don’t really understand. I never breastfed so admittedly don’t know anything about it past the initial stage of being babies only nutrition.

I'm still going at 2.4 for a number of reasons.

Mainly because my daughter doesn't want to give up even though I'm ready.

She has a serious illness last feb where she was hospitalised and boob kept her off a drip as she wasn't eating or drinking.

Then covid hit, and thought well il keep going in case we get it. We got it over Christmas abs she stopped eating and drinking for two weeks.

Then we had a major bereavement which affected us all and she wanted the comfort.

She is night weaned and today has only fed 4/5 times mostly just quick ones.

It's not uncomfortable, she's only bitten a couple of times (that was worse than child birth), she just loves the boob too much lol x

@dotdashdashdash thank you for such an informative and non confrontational answer

@dotdashdashdash

I second that's the best respond I've seen

We had another good night, just requested a cuddle at 3am. I'm finding the day harder as it will get to late afternoon and will just want milk. I've followed what others have said about don't offer, don't refuse and this suits us both.

I weaned my DS off at 20 months. Tbf I was about to give birth so I knew the newborn needed my milk more than an almost 2 year old did and I really didn’t want to tandem feed. I think by that stage he only tended to have it at nap and bedtime anyway but if I hadn’t weaned him, I reckon he’d still want it now (he’s 2.5 like yours).

We just went cold turkey and it wasn’t as traumatic or upsetting as you’d think. DH started taking him to bed which helped and he surprisingly just went to sleep pretty quickly without boob. If he asked for it during the day, I’d say no and distract him or offer him a drink/snack. Eventually he got the point, his baby brother came then anyway so that totally took his mind off it .

I wanted to stop for months and months but it just became too convenient a tool to get her to sleep. In the end I also went cold turkey at 2.4 yrs, and very abruptly from one day to the next. I didn't really plan it which was good because I hated the idea of thinking this would be our last time together. So the last feed ended up being a totally normal one and I didn't even realise it at the time.

It happened on a day where DD was being fussy and skipped her nap. So she was extra tired by bedtime and on a whim I tried putting her down without nursing for the first time in her life and it worked! The next morning DH took her to MIL's for the day so she skipped the wake-up and midday feed as well. That was a longest streak we ever managed so I decided to roll with it.

The first few nights I gave her milk in her magic cup and she drank from there before going to sleep. She did cry for boobs at first (hard to listen to) but it decreased dramatically over 3 nights. By the 4th night she didn't care at all and went to sleep right away.

My tip is to let the toddler stay up a bit later so they're more tired and willing to sleep. Or even consider skipping the afternoon nap altogether just for the weaning phase. At bedtime, close the door and take a bath/leave the house or do something where you can't physically go back into their room for 10-15 mins. If the crying is hard to bear, wear earplugs or listen to music just for that time. Chances are huge it will stop after a few minutes.

DC1 took ages to stop asking and in the end I had to offer "hand booba" instead, so he did about 6 months of holding my boob in comfort rather than feeding. He's 5 now, and very, very occasionally when ill or really upset he will ask for hand boob.

This is one of the cutest things I've read! Hand boob

Thank you all SO much for the advice. We are now about a week in and he is completely sleeping through the night! He still asks for it in the day when it's getting closer to bedtime and he has it at bedtime but not at all in the night. I feel so happy and have so much more energy! Thank you all! I second what a pp said, hand boob is the cutest thing I have read on here!

I love the concept of 'hand boob'! My toddler 2y3m holds on to the other boob when she's feeding as if she's afraid it's going to run off and escape.....
I would like to give up breastfeeding now so following this thread for ideas; it's not so much a problem at night as she doesn't wake up wanting to feed - EVERY TIME I try to sit down during the day it's 'BOOBY!!!' and she's there trying to maul me. Exhausting! I appreciate that it's a comfort thing so it feels brutal to just refuse