Would you forgive this? Aibu?

[breakingupslowly]

So I’m with a guy who has lied to me in the beginning of our relationship. We’d put things behind us but something didn’t feel right, and so I asked him things about stuff I’d been having doubts about. For example, he used to fawn over naked women on Instagram, both people he knew in real life and “models”. When we made things official, he made me promise that if any guy from my past or anyone in the present messaged me, that I’d tell him. I agreed and asked him to do the same. So now, after pulling it out of him, he’s told me that a girl from Instagram (who is also an ex) and whose pics he’s been liking cos she leaves very little to the imagination, has messaged him a few weeks ago. He’s only told me now because I asked him.

Aibu to end it here? Sorry if this post doesn’t make much sense, I’ve just told him to leave and I’m shaking.

He absolutely doesn’t sound worth it. Definitely get rid.

Not unreasonable at all! He's lied multiple times, you've dodged a bullet.

Sorry, but yes, leave him. He doesn't respect you.

Have you posted about this before? It sounds like another recent thread where a poster was annoyed about her new partner liking photos of bodybuilder and fitness women.

Anyway, what he likes or otherwise on Instagram is neither here nor there in my opinion. Ultimately, it sounds like a lot of drama for a new relationship. He's lied by omission regarding contact with an ex and you're understandably upset. This stage in a relationship is meant to be fun and happy, not full of drama. You're better off walking away.

Why would you even consider putting yourself through more of this shit, OP? He has zero respect for you. Get rid!

So one rule for you and another for him? Get out now. To be honest, I couldn't be in a relationship where on needs to go ogling pictures of good looking women on SM or anywhere else. How sad.

No I haven’t posted about this before. I just feel heartbroken because things were going so well. But he’s lied so much, and this time was by omission yes but it doesn’t make it any better. I’ve told him everything and even up front about anyone who’s contacted me, because he relentlessly asks me. But the same doesn’t apply to him apparently.

@ChangedName4TheSakeOfIt exactly. I’m done. Lesson learned here is to always trust your gut instincts.

Yup. Dumping time.
Tbh it was a mistake to stay with a proven liar, so he can't say he hasn't been given a chance.

He sounds like a nightmare. Dump him and move in. Who can be bothered with these crazy manipulative men?

Oh goodness dump him. It's the fact he's lying and withholding information. You don't need that in your life

He doesn't sound worth dating regardless OP, you shouldn't have to tell monogamous partners that creeping on nude instagram models isn't ok, or get them to agree not to lie to you. He sounds offputting and frankly quite tragic.

Don't stay with anyone who leaves you 'shaking'. The whole agreement of telling one another about people messaging would never happen in a healthy relationship and clearly he expects you to comply but won't himself. I don't imagine he'll stop looking elsewhere when he hasn't so far, sorry, I know it's awful.

You're doing the right thing. Get a hor cup of tea and get rid of the shakes, and focus on something else if you can, you don't need him for anything.

YANBU, once a liar, always a liar.
Imagine this situation a few years down the line with dc & a situation where you're dependent on him.
Then run for it.

I’ve given him far too many chances. This is just the final straw. He said he told her straight away that he was happy with me, but why not tell me?! He clearly enjoyed the attention from her

I’ve told him everything and even up front about anyone who’s contacted me, because he relentlessly asks me.

He relentlessly asks you because he doesn't trust you and the reason he doesn't trust you is because he's judging you by his own standards and he knows he can't be trusted! You have most definitely dodged a bullet OP, glad to hear you're done

Honestly I would get out of it ASAP. He’s a liar. This will never change.

**For example, he used to fawn over naked women on Instagram

Are you sure he is using Instagram? They don’t allow nudity on the site.

Men will look at women whether their partner likes it or not. But he's a liar. A consistent liar. Lose him

@Blankspace101 not full nudity but might as well be. The typical porn style pics of women in barely anything other than a skimpy bit of material.

He'll be like this forever no matter what he promises. Get out now and don't let him convince you otherwise x

You're worth more than this man OP. Focus less on what he looks at on Instagram and focus on what mattera: that he clearly likes having his ego massaged by other women and isn't going to change.

I agree with a PP who said that having to confess when people message you isn't normal behaviour in a healthy relationship.

You're better off without him

he made me promise that if any guy from my past or anyone in the present messaged me, that I’d tell him

This is more of a red flag than him following Instagram models. Very controlling and possessive. Straight in the bin for that alone.

We’d put things behind us

What exactly did he put behind him? He caused you pain and by putting things behind you I assume you meant it wasn't discussed again? Win for him, eh?

He didn’t have to put anything behind him because it was him who did all the fucking up. Why am I so surprised that he kept something from me again? 😭

Quite apart from his blatant hypocrisy, I couldn't stay with someone who relentlessly asks me who I've been communicating with. Make a note for yourself never to agree to anything similar again.