To tell ex to stop trying micromanaging me

[UseMyName]

He text me this morning to ask if our son put eczema cream on (he told me to remember to do this at drop off less than 24 hours ago) and to make sure he eats healthy and exercise.

I told him I don’t need to be micromanaged or told how to look after him and he’s told me I’m out of order to say that to him (this was all by text).

Watch out - my ex sent texts like this, subtly implying I was negligent somehow and he was super-concerned, utterly brilliant dad, but in reality it was him who was neglecting our child when they were in his care and deep down he knew what a crap parent he was, but wouldn’t admit it.

His constant tests and demands I text him 4 times a day to ‘report in’ were not only abusive, they were a clue, and I wish I’d realised it. He’s up to something. Either he’s crap, or he’s trying to make you look crap, or himself good. Or simply trying to ruin your time with your child.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I sympathise.

Take pictures of your son’s stools and send them to your ex ditto urine. Pictures of food, measure his drinks and tell him how many mls he has drunk. Time his sleep and video any exercise with you shouting encouragement in the background... he will get bored before you do!!

Looking on the kindlier side, if your split was fairly recent he may just be struggling with this new aspect of parenting - ie having no control/knowledge of how things are going when they're not with him.

My DP's ex also had this issue - she would text him reminding him to get them to eat fruit or put them to bed by X, and he eventually had to tell her to back off as he can look after his own children.

It wasn't anything malicious or meant to be controlling on her part, but it was just a transition in getting used to the fact that she couldn't know or control everything for her children when she had before.

Tbh it sound like he is worried you are not caring for your child properly ie his hands will need alot extra cream to help manage them and also a bad diet can trigger flare ups nothing he has said is controlling or micromanaging

But you thought was the good guy at one point. Abuse isn't acceptable but wow they must have been frustrated!
You could all send identical dc updates at the same time!!. Childish but exes are twats at times. All the time ime. My exh tried to discredit me in court for 4 years.
The dc went nc with him due to abuse and neglect.. I sometimes wonder what those people now think that apparently I was the shit parent yet he hasn't got the dc now..

@Dddccc

Tbh it sound like he is worried you are not caring for your child properly ie his hands will need alot extra cream to help manage them and also a bad diet can trigger flare ups nothing he has said is controlling or micromanaging

Given that this is representative of his behaviour, then yes, it's controlling/micromanaging behaviour from him. Especially as this is not a recent split, they separated several years ago.

He absolutely isn't worried about his dc. He is worried op is doing a better bloody job than he has done with any of his dc..
When the mw/hv was due and I had ran round like a fury tidying and getting dc sorted now exh would grab the baby and open the door as if all was down to him.. He panicked when we divorced and it was down to him in his time. He failed. He couldn't cope with not having me to present our life as a perfect one. He never lifted a finger when we were together..

[quote UseMyName]@Mmn654123 it’s in his hands so it’s bad at the moment because of all the extra handwashing/gel use it’s actually cleared up on other problem areas of his body.

He’s 10.

I’m tempted to reply ‘unsubscribe’ 😂🙈[/quote]
In that case, without fail, every time he is alone with your son you should text him and ‘remind’ him to apply the creams. Just for a laugh.