To not want them at my wedding?

[Laila747]

Hi, I’ve NC for this as it’s quite outing but I’ve been around a while!

Me and DP have been together for 6 years now. We’ve known each other longer but got together a year or so after he divorced his wife. I was never the OW and had never spoken to his wife before.

DP brothers, parents, aunties, uncles etc all welcomed me in to the family straight away, have been nothing but lovely to me since I met them. His 3 sisters on the other hand have never spoken to me, ignore me at parties, weddings, bbqs and if we bump in to them somewhere.
They’ll hug and kiss everyone else, chat to everyone else but never, ever acknowledge me.
I’m not bothered anymore, I can’t be arsed with drama and they don’t impact my life at all...but obviously I feel sad for my DP (they still talk to him) but we’re not invited to anything they arrange, because of me.
DP proposed about a year ago and due to Covid we’ve only recently started thinking about the wedding. He’d like to invite his sisters and then “It’s up to them if they want to come or not” I don’t want to invite them...they’ve made it quite clear they don’t like me so I don’t see why we should.

I don’t want to cause upset within the family, especially not to DP or his parents because they are lovely and genuinely make so much effort to make me feel welcome and part of the family.

So what do I do?? Invite them to keep the peace knowing they probably won’t come anyway or not invite them so I keep control of the situation and they’re aware I don’t want them there anyway?

@Phrenologist

Why has a man who is serious enough about you to be in a longterm relationship with you and want to marry you never addressed the fact that some of his family behave this way to you?

This, I think, is the more pressing question.

It isn’t only your wedding, it is his wedding too and he should be allowed to invite his sisters if he wants to. In any case, going along with it shows you to be the bigger person.

I can't help wondering why your DP hasn't asked them what the problem is long before now. It seems strange that all three of them don't want anything to do with you. And it will compound the rejection even more if they are invited but decide not to come. Were they very good friends with your DP's ex?

Just noticed that Phrenologist has expressed it rather more eloquently than me!

Invite them don’t stoop to their level, rise above it! You are a better person ☺️

@FunnyWonder

I can't help wondering why your DP hasn't asked them what the problem is long before now. It seems strange that all three of them don't want anything to do with you. And it will compound the rejection even more if they are invited but decide not to come. Were they very good friends with your DP's ex?

Yes agreed. There must be a huge back story to this - why have they just decided they don’t like you?

If my siblings treated my partner this way, I'd cut them off. There is no excuse for this sort of disrespect, and there's no excuse for your fiance's failure to stand up for you.

OP, I really think the more pressing question should be: Why are you planning on marrying a man who lets his sisters bully you without consequence?

Fuck them. They wouldn’t be coming to my wedding. My DH would have called them out for their shitty behaviour!!

I wouldn't invite them. This is why people who treat others like shit get away with it. While you are sitting there thinking you are the bigger person, they come ignore you and ruin your day and you regret it. People like these rarely ever turn around and start treating you nice.

Why don't you rather have a discussion with them about this prior to the wedding, and then your decision will be clear.

I think it comes down to them being his family and he wants to invite them.

You've started two threads on this, under different usernames, OP. Both are getting replies:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4217441-To-not-want-them-at-our-wedding

I would invite them but if your DH hasn't stood up for them before, I would expect him to talk to them about whether they planned on being polite on the day if they do say yes. If their behaviour is as overt as described then I don't think "it's his family" really cuts it, he should have spoken to them about it before.

@MeltsAway

Look, you have to understand that your DP had a life before you - he was married, however eventually unhappy that was. And his sisters probably bonded with his exW and accepted her as family. Speaking as a sibling of people who’ve married, divorced, and re-married, it can be tricky. Just because your DP has left his exW doesn’t mean they may want to cut ties.

So invite them.

But the OP hasn't asked them to cut ties with the ex, she only wants to be treated well. There's no excuse for their behaviour.

It looks like the OP's posted two threads by accident, so we're going to close this one now and direct everyone over to the other one, here.

Thanks all.