To not want them at my wedding?

[Laila747]

Hi, I’ve NC for this as it’s quite outing but I’ve been around a while!

Me and DP have been together for 6 years now. We’ve known each other longer but got together a year or so after he divorced his wife. I was never the OW and had never spoken to his wife before.

DP brothers, parents, aunties, uncles etc all welcomed me in to the family straight away, have been nothing but lovely to me since I met them. His 3 sisters on the other hand have never spoken to me, ignore me at parties, weddings, bbqs and if we bump in to them somewhere.
They’ll hug and kiss everyone else, chat to everyone else but never, ever acknowledge me.
I’m not bothered anymore, I can’t be arsed with drama and they don’t impact my life at all...but obviously I feel sad for my DP (they still talk to him) but we’re not invited to anything they arrange, because of me.
DP proposed about a year ago and due to Covid we’ve only recently started thinking about the wedding. He’d like to invite his sisters and then “It’s up to them if they want to come or not” I don’t want to invite them...they’ve made it quite clear they don’t like me so I don’t see why we should.

I don’t want to cause upset within the family, especially not to DP or his parents because they are lovely and genuinely make so much effort to make me feel welcome and part of the family.

So what do I do?? Invite them to keep the peace knowing they probably won’t come anyway or not invite them so I keep control of the situation and they’re aware I don’t want them there anyway?

I’d invite them- it keeps the peace and also makes you look mature enough to rise above their pettiness. if they don’t come then that’s on them

It is his day too and he would like to invite them. I agree with him, it fulfils your obligation toward close family and they probably won't come.

Whether you decide on no plus ones is also your choice

I'd invite them and let them choose , at least then it doesn't exclude them and if they don't turn up you'll know that you tried

I don’t think you should invite them; he should be standing up for you more and telling them their behaviour is unacceptable

I'd invite them just to show you are above their behaviour, but be delighted when they don't come. Congrats by the way.

I’m with everyone apart from Shox.

Has he ever addressed this with them? I think it’s awful for them to completely ignore you and understand why you wouldn’t want them there, can you invite them on the understanding he has a conversation with them in advance about their behaviour?

I totally get why you don't want them there. I can see he is in a difficult position with it.

I think I'd be tempted to invite them to the evening only, I think they'd hate that...

But ultimately I would probably invite them. But I would have friends on standby to manage them if they did decide to come (which is unlikely). And I would have my say on the seating arrangements..

Invite them. There’s a slight chance they may start to accept you after the wedding anyway, not that you are fussed after this point but the day is not just about you as pp said. Your DP would like them there if the will come.
I know it feels shit to have people who have treated you so badly at your wedding but it’s probably not about you/your personality at all.

When you say you got together a year after they divorced, is that a year after they split or a year after the paperwork was finalised?

Invite them, be the better person in this scenario.
Up to them whether they come or not.

Why invite them when they’ve ignored the op and been so rude to her? Fuck them. Your fiancé should be addressing this with them and standing up for you though, op. His unwillingness to do so, if he hasn’t, doesn’t demonstrate he puts you first

There's absolutely no way I would want anyone at my wedding that didn't welcome me into the family and whilst your OH is really close to them he should take your feelings into consideration and come up with a compromise, maybe just inviting them to the evening?

How would he feel if the tables were turned?

Also, you say they probably won't come anyway, but they sound quite nasty to not be accepting of their brother's partner, so they might turn up just to spoil ?

Look, you have to understand that your DP had a life before you - he was married, however eventually unhappy that was. And his sisters probably bonded with his exW and accepted her as family. Speaking as a sibling of people who’ve married, divorced, and re-married, it can be tricky. Just because your DP has left his exW doesn’t mean they may want to cut ties.

So invite them.

Invite them. It’s on them then to make the decision. If they decline it’ll perhaps make others in the family question why they’re treating you so badly, especially if others like you and have a good relationship with you.

Have they ever given you any indication as to what the problem is? It all seems really bizarre behaviour, especially as all three of them seem to be united in it. Are they great friends with the ex or something?

I think an evening only invite is a lovely compromise

I wouldn’t pay for the privilege of having people attend my wedding who ignore me.

I bet they would turn up and would continue to pretend you don’t exist. On your bloody wedding day. Not a chance.

I'd invite them and hope they have a fantastic time watching their dbro and his amazingly beautiful wife enjoying one of the best days of their lives.
I'd greet them, give them the most wonderful smile and thank them for coming.

Why has DP never called them out on their behaviour?

My sister in law also hates me - always has - I wasn't the OW or anything but she feels I'm "not good enough" and have "taken her brother away".

We invited her to our wedding 13 years ago - I managed to avoid her most of the day/night which was good.

She got married about 2 years ago now and did NOT invite us to her wedding - presumably because of me.

While she may have felt she had grounds to my DH is FINISHED with her for doing it.

Worth thinking about - will your Fiance be upset if they cut ties because he/you don't invite them to the wedding?

(*to be honest I'm glad I didn't have to go and be nice at the bitch's wedding but my DH was really hurt by it)

Why has a man who is serious enough about you to be in a longterm relationship with you and want to marry you never addressed the fact that some of his family behave this way to you?

Why are they like that with you? Why haven’t your PIL or DP done anything to change the situation?

Tough one. If you invite them and they come purely because of their brother it means you'll get ignored on your wedding day. I don't think anybody should be treated like that at their own wedding

I think it's time to get this sorted out

Your partner needs to sit down with the three of them, no doubt one is the ringleader and the others trot along behind her. Get to the bottom of this then make a decision based on what they say

You've done nothing wrong, this sounds very unfair treatment

It's up to your partner - did he behave badly to his ex? His sisters seem to think so - he needs to speak to them and find out exactly why they are so hostile to you.

My dad refused to acknowledge my now dh for the first 2 years of our relationship. I invited him to the wedding but gave him no role in it (mum walked me up the aisle) and am fairly low contact with him now.
I agree with those that say your fiance should at least question his sisters about their poor behaviour.

@Laila747 Just a heads up, your other thread is the name change one but this seems to be your original username. In case you want to report your own thread to be taken down?