No, EE my 80 year old mil doesn’t have photo ID

[Comefromaway]

They took her driving licence off her because of her dementia. She hasn’t been abroad for 30 years. No, she can’t speak to you on the phone to authorise her account because as we just explained she’s in a care home with severe dementia. She doesn’t even remember our names most of the time.

Yes of course we can bring a copy of the Lasting Power of Attorney but we can’t bring photo ID. No, she doesn’t have a military or police or ID card.

This is all so we can transfer the two mobile phone contracts for which they are paying £35 per month for way too few minutes and far too much data into father in laws name without him having to change his number.

And by the way, signing off with I hope she gets better soon is a tad upsetting to read as we already explained, she’s got dementia and no one gets better from dementia.

Oh that’s annoying. I don’t think they even listen to what customers tell them.

On the other hand, if everyone in the UK had an ID card, this would not be an issue...

When my mum died, I rang the post office broadband to get it changed etc to dads name. The wally on the phone said he couldn't speak to me as the account holder hadn't given permission for me to speak about her account and that they would need permission from my mum! I asked how he proposed we get that permission considering the reason for my call. Tit!!

I've had to resort to 'impersonating' my loved one recently to get around a very similar situation with '3'.

A long time ago - my mum passed away and I asked the rental company to take the tv away. They refused because my mum hadn’t given them a months notice. Sorry you bastards - mum died very unexpectedly but I’m sure she would have given you notice if she’d been able to predict the future.
Over 15 years ago and I still feel rage. Utter unfeeling jobsworth.

I dealt with all my deceased parents affairs inc selling a house, car and care homes fees, utilities etc and by far the most difficult was phone companies. I resorted to many conversations which included the words “well good luck with that as he’s dead”, and told Vodafone they could try and track him down for two old £10 contracts on phone(s ?) he hadn’t used for 4 years when he was in a care home with advanced dementia and they didn’t have my address. They put debt collectors on him. I called them up and they were apologetic to be fair. Greedy bastard phone companies. Have to give it to Lloyds and First Direct and also gov agencies. Brilliant.

EE were very helpful and kind when my dh died, but I'm sorry you've been unhappy with the service

As awful as the situation is. It is likely the operator is young and genuinely has no idea what dementia is.

Frankly? Bollocks.

I don't think it's unreasonable to provide copies of the death certificate, certain things require a notarised copy or one of
the originals. (bank was one i think) When we got my Dad's death certificate the registrar was lovely and had obviously been trained to handle berevement, she advised us to have several "originals" in registrar's ink so that we didn't have to keep going in.

My friend was trying to sort out financial stuff for her DM with a bank and despite her (DM) speaking to them on the phone they needed more proof of who she was. So they asked her when she opened her account with them. She's 94, and doesn't have dementia, but honestly, they really expected her to remember!!!???

NatWest. Insisted on speaking to Dad who had died. Eventually I made an appointment and placed Dad’s ashes and a (third) copy of the death certificate on the desk. Was accused of upsetting the bank employee!

@eaglejulesk

My friend was trying to sort out financial stuff for her DM with a bank and despite her (DM) speaking to them on the phone they needed more proof of who she was. So they asked her when she opened her account with them. She's 94, and doesn't have dementia, but honestly, they really expected her to remember!!!???

I'm 46 i can't remember when I opened my bank account

My mum is having this issue too and it's infuriating. The credit cards are the worst, they won't let her pay it yet won't speak to her about the building debts from it even though she's a named cardholder and he has dementia and in a care home.
She can't deal with his mobile phone contract either, like the OP. She has POA but no one she speaks to will do anything until they have spoken with him which obviously isn't going to happen.
The debts, credit cards and car finance are spinning out of control.

After my mum died I had to ring Barclays to discuss her accounts etc, I explained why I was calling and the guy on the phone asked to speak to her to confirm what I was saying. I was so upset I had to hang up.

Blimey, this is helpful everyone.

PIL has dementia so no driving licence and no passport any more.

What Photo ID could we get while he still has some capacity? Sounds like it would be very helpful to have something in the future.

My dad had 2 bank accounts. One, with the Halifax was closed with one phone call, they asked for the reference number from the death certificate, checked it online and the money ( £14000) was sent to me via bank transfer the following day. Santander were hopeless, I spent half an hour going through all the details, then was told I needed to fill out a form which they would send me. It never arrived. Phoned again, went through all the details a second time. The form then arrived, I filled it in with exactly the same information, sent it off and waited. After 10 days nothing had happened, I phoned the bereavement team again, went through the details, yet again, they said the form hadn't arrived and would send me another! Before the third one was delivered ( planned to be by hand this time so they couldn't lose it) they managed to find the original and eventually closed his account and sent me a cheque. It took nearly a month for less than £900!

YANBU. Getting banks and suchlike to accept LPAs is frequently more difficult than it should be.

Does she have a bus pass (or could you get one for her from the LA?) I think those have photos on.

Would they accept a Citizencard?
www.citizencard.com/

This has reminded me of the incessant nonsense from HSBC when I had POA for my Aunt.
Phoned to cancel something and they refused to do it without speaking to the account holder. Went into my local branch and they were fine.
But any time I tried to do anything over he phone they wouldn't do it. Took them 6 months to take my Uncle off everything because he wouldn't speak to customer services (what with being dead).
I put an official complaint in.

Had similar when my Dad died some years ago. One of the utilities insisted on speaking to him. After having been passed to various people on the phone with no breakthroughs, I suggested they organised a seance if they wanted to speak to him. Finally the penny dropped. Got a letter later from them addressed to Mr.Mydad (deceased).

@Purplewithred

Blimey, this is helpful everyone.

PIL has dementia so no driving licence and no passport any more.

What Photo ID could we get while he still has some capacity? Sounds like it would be very helpful to have something in the future.

Personally I'd get power of attorney and phone all the companies and have your name put on as an person who can speak on behalf of the account holder.

@Bizzybone, in case you were thinking it was racist, I assumed that the pp was thinking of a language issue, I.e. they didn’t understand the term.

We were, for the most part, pretty lucky when my DM was alive, living with dementia. The water company suggested I was added to the account as that meant they didn't have to do the 'nonsense' (the call centre operative's words) of getting mum to the phone every time I had a query. When she moved into a care home I simply cancelled the account.

The best one was the electricity company. Needed to speak to mum when I rang on her behalf. Which was fair enough. Mum's sitting next to me - but she is profoundly deaf even with her phone at full volume. So I explained this to them and explained to mum what she needed to do. I could hear the man saying 'Mrs LondonJax, I just want to confirm you're OK with your daughter speaking to me'. 'Sorry' say's mum. 'Your daughter is with you?' 'yes' says mum. 'Are you OK for her to speak to me'. 'Well, she just was, wasn't she. You're being bloody stupid'. Hands the phone back to me and the man said 'I take it that means it's OK!' I must admit we were both giggling away - I guess he was used to dementia people being 'blunt'. Not his fault. He's got to protect mum from fraud. It's the ones that insist on trying to have the exact words 'I agree to my daughter handling this' that annoy me. Deaf, dementia, stroke or whatever, take an OK any way you can!

When mum died we were very lucky with Barclays. I'd already registered the POA with them as I had to take over her account for bills etc. Rang them, explained mum had died. I was put straight through to the bereavement team who dealt with everything smoothly, explaining the reasons for the bits of 'jumping through hoops' that you always have to do with paperwork. I confirmed she had a will that I was executor of and they transferred her remaining balance to me within a week.

BT was the worst I've dealt with - to the point I went to the Chairman's office in the end. Mum's phone line (her lifeline) went down. Two weeks of calls to the call centre (who were based overseas at the time) was getting nowhere. I had to explain to at least three different people what 'council flat - sheltered housing' meant as they didn't have them in their country. As soon as I got someone based in the UK (and that's nothing to do with their accent or race btw) they understood what I meant by her being vulnerable. But when the engineer didn't arrive I was back to explaining her vulnerability. Madness.

Re death certificates, always ask for more than you think you’ll need.

It’s relatively easy when you’re there anyway.

I got a dozen for both my mother and an aunt - made things that little bit less of a PITA for the executors.

Santander when I had to deal with DMs estate were great, Prudential ( or whatever they are called now ) and premium bonds were bloody awful!

Re people not understanding that you don’t recover from dementia, after far too much personal experience of it, I was no longer surprised that some ‘helpful’ people liked to inform me that diet, exercise, ‘use it or lose it’, etc. would do the trick. ‘Oh, you really ought to make her do this or that for herself....’.
There are plenty of such ‘experts’ about, who ‘read something somewhere’...

Anyone else remember @rindercella ?

A MNetter whose DH died a while ago, and who had a terrible time with some companies . And who made a fuss about it, telling people higher and higher up the chain how unacceptable it was. And that even though staff wouldn't necessarily care/sympathise about the demise of a customer they'd never met, they needed a different script to switch to once death is mentioned. I'm pretty sure she spoke to staff training events to show how badly wrong systems could be otherwise.

I'd really thought this was a battle fought and won a few years ago.

But I suppose dementia is a new angle.

And I'm cross that options to deal with issues in writing are so poor. A deaf person who is not using the internet is being cut off from services. And I think that's a shame. I get why companies want as much business as possible on cheap email/internet systems, but I think for essential services, there still needs to be a system for those who cannot use electronic means (easily or at all)

The posts on this thread have reinforced my idea that contracts are not a good idea when you are elderly. I have a package which I top up each month (EE) with a top up card. They are offering me an automatic top up if I register my bank/credit card with them. Of course they have also offered countless contracts which I refuse due to trouble I had years ago. Also if I top up regularly each month they have enhanced my minutes and data every three months so at the moment I am better off than any contract they have offered me. I am so sorry for all your frustration at a time when your stress levels are already high.