Evangelical family member

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

How do you stop a family member proselytizing? There's not a snowball's chance in hell that they're going to change my mind, and it's just become irritating and rather awkward.

The latest is that his prayers have miraculously cured someone of cancer. Not sure if he actually thinks he's the Messiah...

This is the message. It makes me cringe, especially the "We're still working..." bit: Something you may or may not be interested in ... I prayed for a work associate a few weeks ago (he said the docs told him he had stage 4 lung cancer as I understand it) told me yesterday his lungs were now clear. We're still working on some other parts of his body which still have cancers, but the prognosis is much more optimistic. He described it as a miracle. His words, not mine. X

I think I’d use his words back at him e.g. “you may or may not be interested in...”

So something like “you’re right I am not interested in this but am happy for your colleague that the medical care they have received has had a positive effect”

Someone here might word it better.

I don't see the point on responding at all. Better to ignore.

My father in law is like this. I said to him one day, I will believe in God if he turns my fingers into bananas overnight
He's stopped trying since that conversation.

He's a lovely man and his heart is in the right place, but he isn't going to change my mind, and funnily enough I'd say I was agnostic, but his pushiness just pushed me away!

Just reply to the curing cancer comment as we say in Scotland - did ye aye?

I don't think seeking to persuade him with your terrific rhetoric re the opposing scientific arguments will help, but it's OK to shut it down with "Sorry, I don't believe in any of that sort of thing"

OP, how firm have you been with him in the past? You need to make it VERY clear that you don't want to hear anything about God. Anything less will just give him hope that you're open to it. You don't need to swear, block or shout, just be crystal clear that any God talk just isn't welcome.

Dear brother - so you're saying that God cured this man's cancer just because you prayed about it, and if you hadn't he would have let the man die? Lovely god you have there, mate - no thanks, not for me!

Tell him you have embraced Lucifer as your personal saviour and ask him if he's ever considered satanism and you'd love to take him to a meeting one night.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

How do you stop a family member proselytizing? There's not a snowball's chance in hell that they're going to change my mind, and it's just become irritating and rather awkward.

The latest is that his prayers have miraculously cured someone of cancer. Not sure if he actually thinks he's the Messiah...

Tell him you have a strong relationship with Christ, your saviour.

If he presses for further information tell him He has guided you to be private about your relationship with Him, but if that changes you know you can come to him. And that you are glad he has been Saved.

End of discussion!

I just tell pushy people that I don't believe in any gods, and that I would like them to respect my beliefs.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

This is the message. It makes me cringe, especially the "We're still working..." bit: Something you may or may not be interested in ... I prayed for a work associate a few weeks ago (he said the docs told him he had stage 4 lung cancer as I understand it) told me yesterday his lungs were now clear. We're still working on some other parts of his body which still have cancers, but the prognosis is much more optimistic. He described it as a miracle. His words, not mine. X

Do let him know his colleague is still terminally ill. New targeted therapies can shrink tumours to near invisible but they are still just buying time - fantastic to have that time and often good quality time - but that’s medicine not a miracle and his colleague will still die if he has stage 4 metastatic cancer.

You don't have to answer that last text at all, OP.

My gut feeling is "Don't engage" with messages you don't find useful.

I've a lot of experiences of people in the extended family who went evangelical with religion. They all stopped (eventually). It's probably why I'm intolerant of any kind of evangelical (for HRT or Jehovah or whatever).

Do let him know his colleague is still terminally ill. New targeted therapies can shrink tumours to near invisible but they are still just buying time - fantastic to have that time and often good quality time - but that’s medicine not a miracle and his colleague will still die if he has stage 4 metastatic cancer.

I am inclined to ignore as various PPs have suggested, but that is very interesting (although not surprising to hear).

I just don't understand this idea of a God who is omnipotent, but has to be fawned over (in the form of prayer) in order to help people.

According to the way my brother describes it, this God is clearly aware of his colleague's cancer in order to have "cured" his lungs, but requires yet more sycophancy before he will magic away tumours in other parts of his body. Wtf??

Tell them that you have converted to another religion and be equally fervid about that....

I think you need to tell him that you appreciate he is concerned for you but that his preaching is having the opposite effect to what he wants. It is NOT making you more likely to believe. For everything he says it is hardening your heart against God. Tell him that if he truly cares for you he will pray for you in private and leave you alone about religion. If he continues to bother you tell him that it comes across like he isn't listening and doesn't care his efforts are turning you against God.

Please also try and refrain from the casual Christianity bashing that goes on here. I get it, you don't believe. I also understand that some evangelical Christians put people off with extreme views that aren't in line with the teachings of Jesus.

Also am sorry to hear of your religious young friends who died horribly. People die. It may grieve God but he has delegated running of the world to humanity. Unless it was Jesus on a motorbike that ran them over then I'm going to go out on a limb and say God didn't cause it. The driver did.

Prayer is a really difficult thing to understand. I think its really damaging when Christians claim to non Christians that prayer works because they prayed and got what they wanted. It's easily to refute as to counter there's always times where prayer goes unanswered. I once heard the phrase "I pray, coincidences happen, I stop praying and they stop happening". That pretty much sums it up. I have had some really specific answers to prayers. Lots of coincidences. It can't hurt and it might help. In the meantime the practice of prayer can have beneficial effects on the one who prays. God doesnt demand prayer but I think as humans we are called to pray. That's the kind of waffly BS religious types come out with I know, but its just that sometimes something in me cries out to the universe. It's good to direct that and channel it into prayer for other people.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

I just don't understand this idea of a God who is omnipotent, but has to be fawned over (in the form of prayer) in order to help people.

According to the way my brother describes it, this God is clearly aware of his colleague's cancer in order to have "cured" his lungs, but requires yet more sycophancy before he will magic away tumours in other parts of his body. Wtf??

Yes targeted therapies, if he is lucky enough to have the right tumour type to benefit from them, can sometimes work well say on the lung and liver tumours but have little effect on brain tumours. They may be able to switch to another that will shrink brain tumours.

But eventually, in time, the cancer will mutate and overcome those treatments. They are amazing treatments but they don’t work forever and they aren’t a miracle. The colleagues doctors won’t be telling him it’s a miracle. They’ll be telling him to live every day to it’s best.

Hope the colleague isn’t still working.

Religion can be a great comfort.

Agree with ZenNudist.

Oh and to the Monty Python idea - we're a family of Christians and regularly spam our family chat with Life of Brian memes, so there's that...

I am super happy that other people have religion in their life and it brings them comfort. I have lots of religious friends, we don’t speak about it except in passing.
However, people who try to convert you can get to fuck. If someone seems interested and wants to know more, that’s fine. If someone doesn’t seem immediately interested, leave them alone.

We have a religious neighbour (strangely his wife or kids aren’t) and he interprets DHs niceness and willingness to chat as a sign he is willing. He’s not, he’s told him he is an atheist many times. 10 years of dropping off nonsensical literature and trying to invite him to church. I think it’s weird and cult-like to keep trying like this.

I think the only reply to that text is "Awesome bro, keep up the good work"

I have a friend's church praying super hard for me at the moment. If they pull it off that'd be smashing, but realistically I think they'll need to chalk it down to if at first you don't succeed...

See I am not anti God/Christian (brought up in a family where GF was a minister) but I really don't agree with people ramming their beliefs down your throat whatever they are ie religion, anti vaxers, flat earthers.

I have had to tell close relatives that to me being a Christian is about being a good person and living their life choosing Christ's life and goodness as their example, and living in a Christian manner not preaching and ramming religion down peoples throats that is going to wind people up.
I have had great results with saying "my beliefs are a very personal thing to me and not up for discussion" then I change the subject.

My BIL has a tendency to preach, he's long given up trying to convert me and DH

I'm a Christian, but don't behave like this. I have told all my family and close friends about God (because I care about them) but only once! Now I've done that, I would only really speak about it if it came up in conversation, or if they asked. You can demonstrate God through your behaviour in life without driving all your non-believing friends away by ramming your beliefs down their throats all the time!

As a Christian, I would say the best way to get your brother to stop talking to you about God is to say something like, 'I know it's really important to you, but your constant talk about God is actually really putting me off Christianity. It's having the opposite effect to the one you want. Please stop.'

I'm assuming his behaviour is coming from a place of love, and that he is happy and wants you to experience the same as him. If that's the case, the above method should work - just make him realise he's actually putting you off God.

The only thing to bear in mind is that it's obviously something that is really central to his life and asking him not to speak about God at all might mean that your relationship suffers. A bit like asking you not to discuss your kids or something! So maybe try to find a happy medium with him where he can speak about his personal experiences but without trying to convert you?

Unless it was Jesus on a motorbike that ran them over then I'm going to go out on a limb and say God didn't cause it. The driver did.

How about Jesus in the Cabbage van?

Anyway, who said it was an RTA?