Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dc given quite a lot of ££ by GP, will be richer than us at 18..

156 replies

Whereiswarmth · 11/04/2021 13:17

We are extremely low contact with pils, I certainly would be very happy to never see them again... Dh can't speak to them and has not seen them for a few years now.

Long story! However they do put ££ into dc isa.
It's quite a bit now.. Near 30 grand... Probably a little more, they are 11 and 7.
Obviously this is a first world problem and a nice problem to have but it's worrying at 18 they will have access to this.. They seem very sensible at the moment but I'm aware it could even put them at risk from unsavory people when out socialising..

What will they do with it?

Although I dislike pils obviously I'm grateful for this.. But I'm wondering if they will contribute every year?
Dh and I are not high earners at all.. But something also makes me feel slightly uneasy.. Neither dc have been enraptured with pils.. I'm certainly not going to encourage contact at all after past issues etc. Pils are very well off..

Just wondering if anyone else's dc has more money than them and what they would do with it?

OP posts:
PurplePinkParade · 11/04/2021 13:21

Not the same situation but my GPs left me some money. £10k - my parents kept hold of it til I was 21 and then I spent 2k travelling and put the rest towards a house deposit. Managed to buy my first property at 23 so I was very grateful as never could have without the leg up.

Biker47 · 11/04/2021 13:21

What will they do with it?

Anything they want, it's their money.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/04/2021 13:22

Unless things go quite badly wrong in your relationship with your DC you have quite a slug of influence over how this is spent and can fairly easily suggest that it's intended for a) university fees b) getting started in suitable business/trade of their choosing c)house deposit etc

I'm in the category of muggins who saves for the DC in their own name. I know it carries the risk they don't use it wisely but tbh I think if you have so little influence over your DC at 18 you've probably got bigger issues than wasted cash.

Curioushorse · 11/04/2021 13:22

Are they likely to go to university? Because, if so, that would eat up a fair bit of it.

SummerHouse · 11/04/2021 13:23

Do you think they will go to university? That should eat the lot up nicely. I would be clear with them now that's what it's for, or house deposit etc. If they ignore this, not much you can do in reality.

Newgirls · 11/04/2021 13:23

That will just about cover uni so yes a lot but not silly money.

Be happy you won’t need to pay for that!

Trinacham · 11/04/2021 13:25

Can't speak from a parental perspective but I had a similar amount growing up, from being gifted amounts every now and then since birth, and my parents putting it away in my ISA - is it that unusual? Used it for a deposit on my first home (with partner) when I was 24. It did help to have such a large deposit (45k by that point). It isn't really that much really when you think about the cost of deposits and housing..

JackieTheFart · 11/04/2021 13:25

It would be better to save it to buy property than pay for uni outright IMO.

GenderApostate19 · 11/04/2021 13:26

I would imagine driving lessons and cars and University if they go or house deposits.
If the sum is between them it will hopefully be close to £50k in 10 years, if it is being added to then could be much higher.

Readeatcake · 11/04/2021 13:26

I suppose the only thing you can really do as I assume it's their own accounts and you are not named on them at all.
Is to teach your children the importance of saving and not to blow it all in one go.

How aware are they of these accounts? Can you not speak to your PIL and ask they at least hold the money until the children are 21?

Keepitonthedownlow · 11/04/2021 13:26

It's a mixed blessing, do you think the PIL will use it to exert influence of their DGC?

If not, then I'd say it's not worth worrying about and generally it's a great thing have a financial safety net at 18.

Creamcustards · 11/04/2021 13:26

Goodness don’t let them spend it on university fees!! Let them get a student loan for that, it’s the best loan they’ll ever get. Much much better to use these savings as a house deposit.

Original poster
Whereiswarmth · 11/04/2021 13:27

Willy they have to pay for their own uni fees then?
I thought they would get loans if they go?

Bear in mind, the last few years they have maxed out the amount, which is currently 9 grand a year and its growing at roughly 20% at the moment.. So it could really be a considerable sum.

Obviously help to buy a decent car.. Spending through uni.. And perhaps house /flat deposit would really set them up in life...

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 11/04/2021 13:28

What does it matter if your children have more money than you , surely that ends up being the case in lots of families . Providing you educate your children about budgeting , being sensible with money etc I can’t see the issue .

babbaloushka · 11/04/2021 13:29

@JackieTheFart

It would be better to save it to buy property than pay for uni outright IMO.
Ditto, student loan basically acts as a graduate tax. If they wanted nice accommodation they could boost their maintenance loan with it, if not make it clear it's for a house deposit, or maybe a car.
LostArcher · 11/04/2021 13:29

So mine have had quite a bit of money sent to them from GP. Not anythink like as much as yours but the odd thousand here and there. They have stashed it. My eldest started saving for his first car when he was eight. My youngest is very careful with money. One is 26 and other 20. They really don't spend much and both have used the money to fund small, sensible first cars. It depends how you bring them up. I know my youngest would love an Alfa Romeo but he is sticking to his Toyota Aygo.

Original poster
Whereiswarmth · 11/04/2021 13:30

"keep it on the down low", this is partly the slight worry..

I am concerned about them coming under pressure via phone, emails etc when they are older to visit and see them but they will have our full backing to do what they are comfortable with.. Pils are very hard to be around.. But fil is massively over bearing and pushy.. I'd hope to keep them apart via tech for as long as I could.

OP posts:
Creamcustards · 11/04/2021 13:31

Yes OP, car/flat would be what I’d do.
My little brother came into some money when he was a teen and used it to pay university fees.
He’s deeply regretted it. He doesn’t have a high paying job is still renting at 35 as has never managed to save up such a lump sum again.
Spending savings on degrees is such a bad idea unless you think you will be earning megabucks in the future!

Original poster
Whereiswarmth · 11/04/2021 13:34

It's a mixed blessing and I guess it will give them total freedom to do what they want at 18..
Whatever that is! Cream, yes very good points re never having that capital again.

What if one is sensible and one isn't and spends it!

Also will they value money?

OP posts:
CongealedCrags · 11/04/2021 13:35

My cousin was given 20K at 18 by our GP and he spunked it up the wall. Holidays for his friends, money to start a business with his friends sort of thing. He didn't need money for a car as they'd already bought him one of those. They gave him more later as well which he spent on a house which he lost in a divorce.

Is there any way you can convince them to delay giving them it until 21 or even 25?

Original poster
Whereiswarmth · 11/04/2021 13:38

Gender apposite..

It's each...

OP posts:
3JsMa · 11/04/2021 13:41

I also wondered what my son will do with his ISA.
It wasn't crazy amount but he used the money to develop his business,website,registration fees etc.

Cocomarine · 11/04/2021 13:42

Worst that happens is that they waste it on other people. Which doesn’t leave you any worse off.

In fact, you’re actually better off, because you are in the enviable position of not having to save your money for them.

I’m unhappy that my XH has told our 10yo that she has £40K from grandad already. I don’t think that works with me on teaching her to budget her pocket money 🙄 so I get where you’re coming from in impact on attitude. All you can do, is parent well and hope for the best 🤷🏻‍♀️

moochingtothepub · 11/04/2021 13:44

I would talk to them about university costs, learning to drive etc and ensure they realise that they are fortunate to have this money promised to them

Harriedharriet · 11/04/2021 13:46

@Biker47

What will they do with it?

Anything they want, it's their money.

A very thoughtful answer.