AIBU for thinking my friend shouldn’t peer through my window

[Brontebythesea]

I realise this may sound ridiculous but I want to find out if this is normal behaviour and if I should explain to my friend that I don’t like it?
I have a lovely friend who I’ve known for years. The problem is that everytime she comes to my house instead of knocking the window or ringing the bell she peers through my bedroom window and knocks with a big smiley face. When I’m not in that room I’m assuming she peers through and then decides to use the front door to make her presence known. Obviously since covid she has only been round to leave stuff off but before covid this was a real bugbear of mine.
My bedroom is on the ground floor at the front of our house (and was also in the same situation in our last one). Obviously if I’m getting changed etc I have the curtains closed but I like natural light so if it’s bright they’re usually open. My room is usually tidy but I’m not overly bothered about it being perfect so sometimes there is stuff on the floor etc. I know that I should probably just always either have a tidy bedroom or close the curtains but I don’t want to. Last week she left off a lovely bottle of red and some flowers to thank me for helping out with her son when her husband wasn’t well - very sweet of her but DS and I were lying in my bed watching a movie and suddenly this knock and then her hands up a against the glass her face against my window and a big smile. I felt so startled and just really didn’t like it - one else coming to visit ever seems to peer in my windows - they walk past my window to the front door. Should I ask my friend to stop or just accept that she’s a peeper. I think she would be so upset. By the way this isn’t a wind up.

Ask her to stop

I wouldn’t like that either.

I would stick something over the window so she can't do that any more. It is rude and intrusive. What if you were quickly changing a tampon or your bra?

My FIL used to do this too. When I had my baby and was breastfeeding I totally lost my shit about it and my husband spoke to him. He’s stopped now, thank god. Such a weird and invasive thing to do. Only someone with very little awareness would do this!

I think you just need to mention to her that it startles you and you would rather she didn’t do it. If she’s nice she won’t be difficult about it.

I'm sure she thinks she's just being friendly but I would hate this too. I think you'll just have to be direct with her and say something like "would you mind not knocking on the window as I'm worried that one day I might be getting changed in there...."
The other thing you could do is get some of that translucent screening you can stick to the window so she can't see in.

Couldn't get worked up about it personally but ask her to stop if you don't like it.

Just tell her you can't always hear her if you aren't in that room or something.

I have a similar situation, though it's my living room, not my bedroom. I don't like net curtains. I live in the second to last house in a road. I'm friends with the woman next door, in the last house. Every time she goes past my window she stares. I don't like it - I don't want to be taken unawares like that, and don't see why I should have to get net curtains to stop her looking in. In your position as it's your bedroom, I think I'd get blinds.

My bedroom is on the pavement side too and people could technically see in. I'm buying some of the window film where it doesn't block out any light and you can still see out clear as day but anyone looking in it looks like a mirror. It's fab!
You could get some.

My parents do this. They don't knock, they come straight to the living room window. They never let me know when they are coming either. Does my head in!

You need that glass that you can make opaque.
No idea what it costs but it looks cool.

@TheRealForReal

My parents do this. They don't knock, they come straight to the living room window. They never let me know when they are coming either. Does my head in!

Have you not asked them to stop? That's creepy as f

What if you were quickly changing a tampon or your bra?

People change tampons in their bedroom??

OP my parents stare through my living room window when they visit rather than ringing the bell which drives me nuts. Looking through your bedroom window is so much worse though! I'd tell her to stop (yes I've told my parents but they still do it!)

Yeah, it's caused big arguments because apparently I'm weird and unreasonable for not liking it.

If you don't want to say anything to her about it (though I would, this is intolerably rude) I think privacy film or some voiles for the window in question are your only options.

If she’s normally nice I imagine she has no idea how stressed you are about it. Just ask her to use the doorbell / knock without looking through your window because you’re worried you might be getting changed/naked one day. I’m sure she’ll understand.

I’d just ask her not to do it anymore, tell her that it startles you and your child sometimes and to please knock the door in future like a normal fucking person

That would really annoy me but I think I would probably just chalk it up to something she has been brought up to think is totally normal behaviour. If she is a lovely friend, I would feel bad to make her feel bad about it.

I would cover the lower half of the window with that stick on privacy stuff. You'll still have the natural light, but nosy nora can't see in.

My FIL does this. It's so irritating. Luckily he doesn't come round very often so it's not a big deal for us but if he did I would have to say something. Maybe just say 'oh you made me jump' in an unimpressed tone. She may get the hint.

Tell her to stop being a peeping Tom. I wouldn't like that either. Massive invasion of privacy.

Window film from Amazon! It's great stuff

I think as she is nice, be gentle. 'oh, don't come to the window like that, you scared the life out of me. Please ring the bell and give me a minute to make myself decent.' with a laugh.

My neighbour did that to me last week because I didn’t answer the door to him. I’d just been sick all over my clothes and was crying on the sofa in my dressing gown. He went to the end of the drive and stood on the wall to see if I was in, then strode up the gravel and stuck his face in my window. I told him to fuck off 😃. YANBU.

This reminds me of a good friend who had this problem with a relative keeping peering through her windows when she arrived instead of knocking on the door, this relative only lived 3 doors down so it was very often that she would appear with her face at the window.

My friends husband was getting annoyed by it so one day when it happened again he opened the door and said to her ‘Please don’t keep peering through the window instead of knocking, I could be bending my wife over the sofa and I don’t think that’s a scene you would want to see’
The relative has never appeared at the window again she knocks and waits patiently

Or a tin of misting spray for the lower half of the window.
Very effective and can be removed with white spirit easily enough.

Very intrusive and annoying.