AIBU for thinking my friend shouldn’t peer through my window

[Brontebythesea]

I realise this may sound ridiculous but I want to find out if this is normal behaviour and if I should explain to my friend that I don’t like it?
I have a lovely friend who I’ve known for years. The problem is that everytime she comes to my house instead of knocking the window or ringing the bell she peers through my bedroom window and knocks with a big smiley face. When I’m not in that room I’m assuming she peers through and then decides to use the front door to make her presence known. Obviously since covid she has only been round to leave stuff off but before covid this was a real bugbear of mine.
My bedroom is on the ground floor at the front of our house (and was also in the same situation in our last one). Obviously if I’m getting changed etc I have the curtains closed but I like natural light so if it’s bright they’re usually open. My room is usually tidy but I’m not overly bothered about it being perfect so sometimes there is stuff on the floor etc. I know that I should probably just always either have a tidy bedroom or close the curtains but I don’t want to. Last week she left off a lovely bottle of red and some flowers to thank me for helping out with her son when her husband wasn’t well - very sweet of her but DS and I were lying in my bed watching a movie and suddenly this knock and then her hands up a against the glass her face against my window and a big smile. I felt so startled and just really didn’t like it - one else coming to visit ever seems to peer in my windows - they walk past my window to the front door. Should I ask my friend to stop or just accept that she’s a peeper. I think she would be so upset. By the way this isn’t a wind up.

Next time it happens, do a big exaggerated scream in fright, clutch chest etc. Let her see how much she has shocked you.

Just speak to her nicely. I’m really sorry to say this and I hope it doesn’t upset you but would you mind not knocking on my bedroom window. It gives me such a fright. I’d prefer it if you just rang the doorbell instead. I’m sure she’ll be fine with it. If not, there’s something wrong with her!!

Just to mention that privacy film only works in the daytime. So if you have your lights on at night, people can see straight in.

Just get a blind that can be closed from the bottom up. therefore she can't look in & you still get daylight.

You could get a half-and-half blind. I got one made for my front window. It's a roller blind with solid material on the lower half and fine mesh on the upper half so people walking past can't see in but you have light coming in from the top half.

I would plant a big spiky bush under the window. Maybe a pyracantha.

This is my biggest annoyance. My PIL knock on the door once and before you are up off your seat they are at the window waving... Why? Why! I'm getting up and going to the door, I will be there in 4 seconds!

I haven't managed to get them to stop, I even told them once it really annoys me and they thought I was joking and laughed so I'm watching this thread for answers!

@Flowerlane

This reminds me of a good friend who had this problem with a relative keeping peering through her windows when she arrived instead of knocking on the door, this relative only lived 3 doors down so it was very often that she would appear with her face at the window.

My friends husband was getting annoyed by it so one day when it happened again he opened the door and said to her ‘Please don’t keep peering through the window instead of knocking, I could be bending my wife over the sofa and I don’t think that’s a scene you would want to see’
The relative has never appeared at the window again she knocks and waits patiently

@Thebookswereherfriends

I would cover the lower half of the window with that stick on privacy stuff. You'll still have the natural light, but nosy nora can't see in.

She can if she sticks her face right up to the window.

Mirror tinted window film! From the outside the windows look like mirrors but from inside you can see out as normal. It's definitely weird and intrusive!

Sorry mean to write a comment as well! OP this would irritate me immensely and it is very intrusive. I would tell her that you find it so and she must knock at the door.

My MIL doesn’t even bother knocking, she just walks straight in and most of the time she gives no warning at all that she’s visiting. I’ve been breastfeeding many times when she’s just wandered on through. Some people have zero self awareness I’m afraid, you need to tell her you don’t like it.

She’s not a “peeper”, this is just normal to her. If she was a peeper, she wouldn’t be knocking. She doesn’t care if your bedroom is messy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just tell her - “friend, you make me jump out of my skin every time when you do that! Can you use the door bell instead please?”

How can you possibly be friends if you can't just say, "Oh please don't peer through the window Nancy, it creeps me out a bit".

Job done, surely?

I mean I could understand it might be an awkward conversation if it was your neighbour or something but your actual friend?

I wouldn't like it. I'd make up some excuse that it was triggering because of some previous event and ask her not to.

@WorraLiberty

How can you possibly be friends if you can't just say, "Oh please don't peer through the window Nancy, it creeps me out a bit".

Job done, surely?

I mean I could understand it might be an awkward conversation if it was your neighbour or something but your actual friend?

Exactly that.

Surely 'You startled me, I wish you wouldn't do that! Can you not just go to the front door and ring the bell please?' shouldn't be that hard to say?

@peak2021

I wouldn't like it. I'd make up some excuse that it was triggering because of some previous event and ask her not to.

Seriously? You’d lie. Instead of just saying that you don’t like it?

My mil used to peer in the sitting room window when she visited (around 9am, nearly every morning, when she went to the newsagents). If the curtains were still closed because I was still in bed, I had 3 children aged 3 and under who really didn’t sleep well, she would peer through the letter box. Both bedroom doors were kept open, as ds’ normally in their bedroom, with baby dd in with me. I would then hear “Yoo-hoo” and look up to see her eyes peering at me. If I didn’t look up she would start knocking on the door, waking the children up, until I got out of bed.

When I asked her not to disturb us, her reply was that it was time I was up and she never slept in when her children were young (she had 2 children with 8 years between them, so imo not comparable) and she carried on. We replaced the door with one with a bottom letterbox and no knocker, plus put a laminated sign on the door saying “Children Sleeping. Please do not knock unless essential.” This didn’t stop her knocking (as of course, sign didn’t apply to her!!!) but at least she couldn’t look through the letterbox (which she fell out with me over). We eventually had to move house to one 4 miles further away, so she was the one that lost out.

I saw something on Instagram where the lady covered her windows with a film which stops people looking in but still lets in light. This was in a ground bedroom too, sounds like a perfect idea.

@Tootsee wtf!!!

I see your nosey boundary-less friend, and I raise you constant unannounced visits from inlaws who sneak round to the back of the house to hammer on the patio doors. They won’t be told. They also bring friends. Sometimes I find them doing ‘tours’ around my garden. 😫

I have a friend that does this through my lounge window and I hate it. I often have my boob out feeding the baby but even without that it's just a horrible invasion of privacy. I've never had the balls to say anything though!

Oh god, this reminds me of people visiting at our old house. Our living room window was at 90 degrees to the front door and EVERYONE coming up our drive used to peer through the window instead of going to the door. I hated it! Whenever I went to the door of a neighbour (all the houses were the same) I was very careful NOT to look in the window as I went to the door. I'd have felt as uncomfortable doing it as I did having it done to me!

@Moofart

I have a friend that does this through my lounge window and I hate it. I often have my boob out feeding the baby but even without that it's just a horrible invasion of privacy. I've never had the balls to say anything though!

I genuinely don't mean this in a snarky way but why the fuck not?! It's your home, your private space! If you know someone well enough that they're doing that, you know them well enough to tell them you don't like it, surely? Doesn't have to be a big deal - just "I should have said something sooner but it gives me a fright when people look through the window instead of knocking on the door so can you do that in future? Cheers, looking forward to seeing you Wednesday!"

Doesn't need to be confrontational or dramatic, and a nice normal friend would just knock in future.

I wouldn't like it. I'd make up some excuse that it was triggering because of some previous event and ask her not to.

How highly offensive and undermining to anyone who does have those experiences.