To feel like something is intrinsically wrong with me?

[Igotfiveonit]

Like I don’t deserve happiness and that marriage and children aren’t in my future.

I feel so alone,

I go on a family holiday with my parents and sister with her husband and children and I’m embarrassed. My parents go off and go their own thing .. and my sister and her family go off and do theirs and like I said I’m embarrassed because I’m just this dumpy loser that only has myself.

Have you ever thought of going on a group holiday or a holiday for singles? Where do you fancy going to?

Why do you think you don’t deserve it OP?

Everyone deserves happiness op

Stop going on holiday with them.
I enjoy going on holiday alone - I wonder around, look for markets, explore the area, it’s one of my favourite things - but if you don’t enjoy it that’s totally normal and OK. You need to find a holiday companion that won’t dump you as soon as you arrive. There’s nothing wrong with you x

I can’t explain it .. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, like I’m not a normal person. Normal people meet and don’t mess each other around and get married. It seems so simple.

Like I’ll never get married and I’ve felt that way since a teenager. That I’m destined to live a lonely life ... and I don’t want to.

A man once said he pretended to like me because he was scared of being alone and I think that killed any confidence I ever had.

Just looking at one part of your comment, dumpy, if that is a factor in your feelings then you can do something about it. Make yourself feel better. Sorry if I’m wrong here.

Remember your family must enjoy your company and love you. Maybe they think you want a bit of time on your own?

Sometimes it can take a while to meet someone, many years.

There has to be something positive in your life, have a think. Hope you feel better soon

See a doctor for referral

I’ve been on anti depressants and they worked amazingly the first time ... couple of years later when I tried again they did nothing.

And yes the dumpy comment is because I feel I look disgusting ... which I guess even if I looked amazing the lack of confidence would put most men off.

I don't think anything is wrong with you OP, you are just single at the moment. Although I know it can feel that way and I feel that way myself. What is your life like at the moment, do you do online dating?

Dont let one stupid comment from some idiot affect your life. So he didn't like you (and luckily as he sounds horrible) but lots will.

Also about this comment
Normal people meet and don’t mess each other around and get married. It seems so simple.
Some people do meet someone and have it easy, but most don't. It's usually difficult, even "normal" people find dating intimidating, if they meet someone it's far from perfect, there's fights, they aren't sure, etc. So if you've been messed around and not found your life partner yet, that's perfectly normal.

Your family must love you and enjoy being in your company if you've all gone away together. You may have been welcome to go with either parents/ sibling. Doesn't sound like they meant to exclude you.

See your GP about the medication potentially not working so well.

Are you dating / looking to date?

I wouldn’t look to date now because I’ve really let myself go during lockdown. Piled on the weight to the point I’m now covered in stretch narks. Eurgh.

Thanks for the supportive comments everyone, just having a really low moment and I know I need to change and only I can do it.

Honestly OP, it isn't easy to meet someone at all! That's a myth. I've been online dating for nearly 5 years now (on and off), so take it from one who knows
It's not just you, I promise.

There's someone for everybody its just a matter of finding them and you won't do that by not going out. Or dating.
When covid is over go for it.

If going on holiday with then makes you feel crap then don't go. Honestly.

What about friends? Work? Who else do you have around you?

And also meeting a partner is just luck.

I have a friend who is getting on for 50. She's incredibly glamorous, good looking, runs a lot and is very slim, I think she's great company and she has a really good job.

She's never met anyone. The last bloke from online dating was punching way above his weight, not terribly interesting, and treated her like he was doing her a favour. FFS.

It really is just luck and no man is better than a shit one (I know it's easy to say when you're not in that boat though).

How old are you?

I completely understand this feeling OP but it is NOT REAL. You are of value. You deserve love and the truth is that whatever anyone says finding love is not about what you look like and nor in fact is having great sex.

The last year has been so hard. You need to find happiness by doing things that make you happy and start small. What do you like doing?

Sorry you are feeling low.
Do you have any interests/hobbies? This is a great way to meet people if only as friends initially. How old are you? I know it's clichéd, but you need to stop being desperate for 'something' and work on being happy in your self. I bet you have loads to offer. Also, don't forget many 'happy' people, in couples or not, are not showing the inner problems and sorrows they have. You know your inner issues and worries but not others.

YABVU!

Gosh blimey.
First of all. Your idea of what “normal people do” is way way off. That is your ‘ideal’ but that doesn’t mean it happens to most people!! As the saying goes, don’t judge your insides by other people’s outsides. Hust because other couples make it look happy and easy does NOT mean it’s true!!
Secondly. What’s all this about needing to get married and have children to feel validated?? I mean sure it’s what you want, but if you don’t get it doesn’t mean you are in some way deficient! none of us get everything we want in life, doesn’t reflect on who we are though!! You need to stop being so very, very mean to yourself. What is it that makes you so very awful precisely?! Are you a murdering psychopath? A racist? An abuser? I’m guessing probably not! Who cares what you look like- do you hate and despise people based in their looks? No? Then no need to judge yourself in this way. Google self-compassion

It sounds like the core issue is how you feel about yourself and that sense of having something intrinsically wrong with you, and until you feel better about yourself then none of the related issues are likely to improve .. have you tried therapy OP? Schema focused CBT may be helpful for you as it helps to unpack your deepest maladaptive core beliefs about yourself (known as schemas). A lot of what your describing fits with the description of the ‘defectiveness schema’. I would recommend the book Reinventing your Life by Dr Jeffrey Young.

Nobody would enjoy a holiday like that!
Okay, it's not the best year to be planning a trip - but COVID-restrictions aside, the world is your oyster, no-one to please but yourself. Where would you like to go? Cities? Beaches? Deserts? Jungles?
Meanwhile, for this year - why not plan something closer to home, somewhere where you can just enjoy your own company without comparing yourself with others?

Have you given how law of attraction works. What you put out there you attract. If You don't think you are worthy and won't have these things the the chances are you won't.

I hope something can change for you and you see what you deserve and put out more positive feelings into the universe to come back to you and deliver what you want in life, if it is what you want.

My dear. You love yourself first, Love how you are. Ok one might have to improve in areas but that is the first step. Relax and do things you like to do. Give yourself a break.