To feel like something is intrinsically wrong with me?

[Igotfiveonit]

Like I don’t deserve happiness and that marriage and children aren’t in my future.

I feel so alone,

I go on a family holiday with my parents and sister with her husband and children and I’m embarrassed. My parents go off and go their own thing .. and my sister and her family go off and do theirs and like I said I’m embarrassed because I’m just this dumpy loser that only has myself.

No wonder you feel like the odd one out when you’re the only single person on holiday! Can you explore holidays with other single people?

How old are you? Most “normal” married people have had at least one serious long term relationship that went tits up before they met each other. I had several but still managed to meet someone when I was 36. Just anecdata but I did once feel a bit like you, got there in the end though.

I feel I look disgusting

OP, I am absolutely sure that you don't look "disgusting". You sound very depressed. Maybe you could find a therapist who could help you?

You say you have put on a lot of weight during lockdown. That's something you could work on, which would help you to feel better about yourself.

Good luck, OP. I hope you manage to find something to lift your mood. You do deserve happiness.