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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it'll get easier as she gets older?

51 replies

sarahb083 · 09/04/2021 12:55

DD is ten weeks old and I'm finding the sleep deprivation and overall adjustment really difficult. She breastfeeds every three hours and won't take a bottle. She's also very hard to get to sleep. We had a particularly bad night last night and I'm so exhausted. If you have children, did you find that it got easier after the newborn period? When exactly?!

OP posts:
CloudFormations · 09/04/2021 13:05

Three months is often a turning point. You have my sympathy - those first few weeks are so hard. My baby is 4 months now and it’s much, much easier.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 09/04/2021 13:06

Gosh yes the newborn stage was the hardest for me. I won't lie things didn't really improve until close to the 1 year mark but after that the improvement was swift. I adored 18mo onwards and find it pretty easy now DS is 5.

Original poster
sarahb083 · 09/04/2021 13:15

Thanks! That's reassuring. Hopeful bump.

OP posts:
Ploughingthrough · 09/04/2021 13:16

You are right it gets an awful lot easier. She is less than 3 months, they really haven't got the idea by then. Gradually those feeds at night will stretch out, she will be more fun to interact with during the day and you'll feel less tired and more confident. Hang on in there!!

Sarah180818 · 09/04/2021 13:19

My youngest was such hard work when he was a baby. He was a terrible napper and didn't sleep well and night and was very grumpy. We sleep trained at 6 months which sorted his naps out and around 1 he started to sleep through. He is now 15 months and a happy, energetic boy who naps and sleeps well. The first year is tough but they are totally worth it.

MaryShelley1818 · 09/04/2021 13:25

OP I could have written your thread!! My DD is 10wks on Monday and it's pretty horrendous atm. Luckily she sleeps well (5hrs, feeds/awake for 1hr then another 2-3hrs sleep) but god she's just sooo miserable. She screams whenever she's awake and just seems to be getting worse. I find it so hard and depressing.

Her poor brother (toddler DS gets no attention bless him because she's so demanding).

Desperate for even a little improvement as we've got some days out planned and don't want her screaming to ruin it.

RedGoldAndGreene · 09/04/2021 13:27

It gets easier. Please hang in there ThanksBrew

user1481050140 · 09/04/2021 13:34

It definitely gets easier, how long will vary greatly on the child..! Some are more ‘needy’ than other and need close contact and to be attached more. For us, 18 months was a turning point on sleep.. Won’t work for everyone and of course not everyone wants to do it but i highly recommend (and would do it much sooner with 2nd) co- sleeping. I put a double mattress in their room or had her call in our bed and husband would move to spare room. The name of the game is to try and make sure you all get as much sleep as possible - it doesn’t matter where you do it!! Learn how to feed lying down so they can help themselves. Mine would wake literally countless times per night and i couldn’t face going to their room to feed/ settle over and over again. Co-sleeping, room sharing was the game changer and al so much happier. They are now 3 and whilst mainly sleeps alone, often comes in to bed with us and sleeps much later on those morning too..

Good luck, enjoy and choose the path of least resistance..

Cindersrellie · 09/04/2021 13:35

It will Thanks

Try https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/

Liverbird77 · 09/04/2021 13:36

Yes, it will get easier, and very soon.
My youngest is 8.5 months, and has been reliably sleeping through since about 7 months.
My eldest slept through much sooner, but I think we were just lucky there!
Please make sure you are sharing the feeds with another caregiver. Pump/formula whatever, but just get some sleep.

Liverbird77 · 09/04/2021 13:37

I have never co-slept. We follow the ABCs of safe sleep.

TapeMeasureBlues · 09/04/2021 13:38

Absolutely the first 3 months of parenthood were the worst, I honestly thought I'd made a terrible mistake and was constantly stressed about it.
I remember asking a friend if it gets better and she said "weellll.... every age has its advantages and disadvantages, their needs change" which terrified me as I thought it would stay that bad forever! But once you're getting sleep and have feeding sorted (and once they're properly weaned - there is SO MUCH to learn/do in the first year) everything is so so much better.

Babyboomtastic · 09/04/2021 13:38

If people are being honest, you'll get very mixed responses. Some people find the newborn stage the hardest, some find it the easiest...

Personality (sorry) I think YABU. As for when it gets easier, for me, it was fine until about 9m, and then stayed difficult until about 3. I personally find the babies are a very gentle introduction to parenting, and although they get more difficult sometimes over time, you get more experienced at the same time, so it might not feel it.

My second had colic from 3-12w, and that was tricky, but still pales into insignificance compared to toddlers.

Babyboomtastic · 09/04/2021 13:42

The other things is that people's views will often depend on how their baby/child sleeps, and also how old they are now. If someone's child slept through from 6m, then they are more likely to find that first 6m difficult, than parents of a child that doesn't sleep through still at 3...

A huge key to when it gets easier is sleep. And some will sleep through early, and others late, and some will sleep through at 4m, so it looks like it gets easier, before stopping sleeping through later etc.

I'm personally coming at this from the perspective of a parent whose children both slept longer stretches at 3m than at a year or even 2y old.

If you get sleep, you have so much more energy to do everything.

checkingforballoons · 09/04/2021 13:48

It will get easier! DS was horrendous for sleep and it took a very long time for him to sleep through BUT other bits get easier that make the tough bits more manageable. So sleep was awful but life got easier when he was feeding routinely, when he started solids, when he could amuse himself with some blocks for a bit and so on. He’s 6 now and it’s mostly like having a chatty little friend around with the added bonus that he can clear the table after dinner 😁

fairydustandpixies · 09/04/2021 13:51

I used to be desperate for my sons to get older and move on to the next stage. It was such hard work! They are adults now and it did get better, namely when they both left home!! 😂 (Lighthearted!)

Wills · 09/04/2021 13:56

I had 4, of whom the youngest is still at primary. For all 4 I would say that the first year of their lives was a mix of sleep deprivation and highs of motherhood. It gets easier in many ways and then suddenly they're off. Sleep deprivation is one of the worst states possible and you have my sympathy. I honestly thought I'd have a decrepit house fully renovated by myself by the end of my first maternity leave (which was only 3 months!). It took me until my 3rd to realise that I needed to relax into it. No the house can't be clean, no I don't need to do things like make up, look good, go out, do anything other than me and baby. Don't be like me! Relax back and go with the flow. You'll find that as you relax little one will stop picking up your tensions and will also calm down. take care xxx

moochingtothepub · 09/04/2021 13:58

Around 3 months it does start to get easier, they will cluster feed but go longer between other feeds - the trick is to try and make sure it's the night feed.

Welikebeingcosy · 09/04/2021 13:58

It's just getting easier for me now at 22 months

MaryShelley1818 · 09/04/2021 13:59

@Liverbird77

I have never co-slept. We follow the ABCs of safe sleep.
Lullaby Trust gives plenty of information on safe cosleeping. It's perfectly fine and safe to do this when breastfeeding. Just personal choice.
otterbaby · 09/04/2021 14:02

I wouldn't say it gets easier, I would say it gets different. My 6 month old is easier now that she doesn't cry unless there is a reason, I don't have to worry about her neck flopping around - but I do miss the newborn days where I spent hours sitting in a chair binge watching Netflix while she ate/slept/pooped on repeat. Now I have to entertain her constantly, she is teething, weaning is a ball ache, etc.!

But she is an absolute gem and even on the hardest days, she is just the best.

You will adapt to the sleep deprivation - it took me until probably week 15/16 to finally adjust. I think mine is on the more extreme end of the spectrum and still wakes 4/5x to feed, so we now bedshare which was the best choice for us. Some people do that, some sleep train, some are blessed with babies that just love sleep. You'll figure out what fits best for your family in a few months!

And somehow, if you're like me, at around 6 months you'll barely be able to remember those hideous evenings full of crying and the night dread and think...oooo shall we have another? ConfusedGrin

RB68 · 09/04/2021 14:05

I cracked at 8 weeks but was feeding every 3 hrs 24/7 and expressing so sleep deprivation meant one day I just collapsed in a heap on the bed face down and slept for 20 hrs. Thankfully my Mum was around so she took over baby and used the small supply of milk I had in the freezer/fridge. Mine was a preemie though. But yes I would say around 3 mths they start sleeping longer periods. You can encourage this by deciding roughly what times you want to work to - so for e.g. I decided midnight was bedtime proper and just edged her to that, keeping her awake a little bit longer through the day and waking her from naps so that she would go down after a midnight feed and then wake around 7 for a feed and actually she then went back to bed till around 9.30 or 10am and we then started the day - although I would whip to get a shower about 9am and be ready when she woke. Initially she did a 4am wake up but it wasn't long before that stopped as she got short shrift of a bottle in the cot, a nappy change and straight back down with no cuddles etc. It worked for a while then as she got older it all changed again - but that decision about bedtime was pretty major in terms of influencing that she slept through the core of the night.

soughsigh · 09/04/2021 14:09

You will get to odd 'just you wait, it gets harder' comment, but my son is 2.5 and I have found he gets incrementally easier all the time. He had colic which stopped at 8 weeks, which was a complete blessing. Then he slowly got easier and better at sleeping. Since 2 he's been almost human, that's when his last tooth came in and he seems a lot happier. He has recently started sleeping through the night.

Sadly, every baby is different and they can't say when it will get easier for you. Hang in there, you can do it.

YouJustDoYou · 09/04/2021 14:12

Three kids here. Oldest fed ever hour for the first 6 months, then every hour to two hours for the next year. He starting sleeping through the night fully when he was about 4 years old and started school.

Middle one fed every 2 hours for maybe a year, slept through the night at about 2 years old. Youngest was forced to be left to cry as I had to deal with the other two (they were all close in age), and she slept through about 18 months.

Liverbird77 · 09/04/2021 14:13

@MaryShelley1818 the Lullaby Trust gives information - but it's not safe information.
I'll continue putting my children to sleep alone, on their backs, in empty cribs. Cribs are one foot away from furniture and three feet away from windows. Pacifiers reduce the risk of SIDS.
This post is for the benefit of any lurkers - the so called Safe Sleep Seven is nonsense.
Adult mattresses are not safe for children under two.