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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re what time 17 year old should be home?

55 replies

goldface · 08/04/2021 23:57

Would you expect a 17 year old lad to be home at a certain time? Not a party or anything, just literally hanging out at a park?

OP posts:

Quaagars · 09/04/2021 00:59

I've got a 17 year old.
He's mainly out for football matches (not out at all over lockdown but last week or so it's started up again)
If he's not back by half ten I'm ringing him lol

GrandTheftWalrus · 09/04/2021 01:07

At 17 I was working full time and paying dig money so I never had a curfew. I'd also be out at nightclubs and coming home at 3/4am but I always told my parents when I would be home. Well a rough guide.

SongSilkTrainspot · 09/04/2021 01:49

@sbhydrogen

At 17 I had a curfew of 11:30pm on a Friday and Saturday night, and 6:30pm on other days.

We used to hang out in parks in a big group all the time. My friends were friendly and very chilled. Although I would miss out on fun in the early hours, I'd also miss out on the scary people muggings them and causing occasional violence that would happen more around 1am. I'm happy I never got to witness that!

You were 17 with a 6:30 curfew? Seriously?

ContentsMayBeHot · 09/04/2021 02:48

I didnt have a curfew at that age. We'd often hang out on the beach, which I don't think is really any different from hanging around a park.

I'm finding the 'up to no good' comments really weird. Depending on where you live, hanging around outside might be the only option for teens not old enough to go to pubs/bars - and that's in normal times, let alone in the middle of Covid.

Kaleidoscopecascade · 09/04/2021 03:06

At 17 I never had a curfew.

redtshirt50 · 09/04/2021 03:50

I didn't have a curfew but I would text my mum and let her know when I was on my way home / if I'd be out late / if I decided to stay at a friend's house.

The few friends I had that did have curfews hated their parents and were forever rebelling against the curfew.

Amortentia · 09/04/2021 04:31

I'm in Scotland too and all the teens are hanging around in parks. They don't have anywhere else to go just now so I don't see what the problem is. Tbf, Glasgow has loads of parks and some of them are massive so there's plenty of room. My ds and his pals have been keeping to the small groups they're supposed to stick to and go on long walks across the parks. My ds is usually back by 10.30 weekdays and a bit later at the weekend.

Theyrenotdrawsmate · 09/04/2021 04:53

I never had a curfew. I was out working. 6:30pm is seriously early @sbhydrogen was there a reason (just being nosey)

romdowa · 09/04/2021 05:43

At 17 I was a carer for my disabled parent. They were the one who had the crewfew not me 😂😂

17bluebirds · 09/04/2021 06:22

Dd is 17 and has to text me at 10 to let me know what she is planning.

Mainly cos I'm concerned about her making her way home from wherever she is on her own. She tends to 'mother ' her friends and I know she would make sure they all got home OK before coming home herself.

It's cold and dark and she has only just recently started going out later.
And there is nowhere to go anyway.

And I have a younger ds at home, so couldn't go and pick her up. (Unless it's an emergency)

FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 06:46

My DD is 16 and they go to one another's houses to hang out. From what I've seen here, all they do is watch TV, eat junk and fight each other. Not real fighting you know...but having a laugh. They also go shopping, for coffees and dinners (cheap dinners) but we're in Oz where things are open.

Redcherries · 09/04/2021 06:49

Why are people finding the park thing strange, even older adults are doing it too, where else is there if you don’t have your own garden. My son in his 20s has spent some evenings on the beach with a mate and a few beers.

No curfew at 17, if you’re old enough to move out, get married and have a baby you don’t need a curfew but you do need to consider the people you live with so I’d expect to know a rough time and be let know if running late or change of plans.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2021 06:51

No of course not, but I’d expect text communication that they were ok.

In a few months they will be an adult. You cannot curfew an adult. Or at least you bloody shouldn’t.

They need to be taught they can be trusted and how to behave responsibly. Many go to uni or leave home soon after this age, so having a curfew, banning alcohol or any other weird controlling stuff just makes them rebel when they get full freedom.

BorisandHarriet · 09/04/2021 06:54

Surely hanging around in the park is totally normal and always has been? Most parents don’t want a load of teenagers at their house or in their garden all the time. Hanging out at the park in the dark was a big part of my teenage years.

Justlovedogs · 09/04/2021 07:00

When I was 17, nearly 18, and seeing now DH, I didn't have a curfew as such but my mum asked me to be in by 11.30 as she couldn't sleep until I was home. I complied out of respect for her, bar the odd 'forgot the time' occasion. Is this not a your house, your rules situation?

duvetdreaming · 09/04/2021 07:14

Mine has a negotiated time, if he sticks to it then I can be more flexible next time, turn up late without texting me to check and next time it's earlier.

whiteroseredrose · 09/04/2021 07:35

No curfew from me but I always asked DS to tell me when he'd be back and to keep me informed if he'd be late. I also wanted to know how he'd be getting back too.

GoWalkabout · 09/04/2021 07:40

I've told my dd no curfew now because she is 18 in 4 months and can make her own decisions. That's easy though because she doesn't actually go out late. I would focus on him keeping himself out of trouble and not disturbing you - house rules instead of curfew.

beingajen · 09/04/2021 07:47

My parents asked for 11pm by 17 (this was 2 decades ago), unless some other adult was responsible for getting me home (being rural, after the trains stopped I needed a lift). They framed it to me that they just won't sleep until I got in safely. I felt that was fair, as the thought of them being awake so I could chat just a little longer with me friends didn't sit well with me. And in reality, even when I got a lift home, my Dad would be snoozing on the sofa until I came thought the front door, even when I was home for the summer from uni. Always the parent! Maybe make your reasons more personal to your need to care when explaining it. Plus past 11pm when the only options is a park does mean roaming the streets, which is not so fair on the people living near that park.

BadMouses · 09/04/2021 07:51

As long as she keeps texting me every half hour or so, I don’t mind. I trust her.

Makinglemonadefromlemons · 09/04/2021 07:55

If my son was hanging around the streets then 1030, especially if he had college. if he was out then no set curfew, so long as he didn't come in drunk / being noisy & wake up the kids.
He grumbled about it, but has said he actually liked having the set time cause he'd had enough by 1030. He'd text me a few times asking me to tell him to come home cause he didn't want to be involved with what his group of friends were up too, (for that night at least!) that said he was no angel but liked that he could use me as an excuse!
At 18 no set time but again he needed to be respectful of us & the younger children & be able to get up for college.

rainbowthoughts · 09/04/2021 07:56

@BadMouses

As long as she keeps texting me every half hour or so, I don’t mind. I trust her.

You can't trust her that much if you need her to text every half an hour

Oblomov21 · 09/04/2021 07:57

I disagree with sweet tea :

"i would think there up to no good. What's he doing in the park playing on the slide? "

Strange viewpoint.
Eh? Where are you expecting them to go? There is limited places for them to go.

I think midnight is fine.

Makinglemonadefromlemons · 09/04/2021 08:02

Edit to my post - I didn't like him hanging out on the streets - I have a thing about groups of youths hanging around at night & think it scares many people. It's unfortunate there's nowhere for youngsters to be.

Pinchoftums · 09/04/2021 08:06

I'm going to the park this evening to meet friends, hope we don't do any drugs by mistake.

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