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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to tell me about 14/15 year old girls

101 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 08/04/2021 21:09

I am finally writing a novel which I have wanted to do for years. My main character has a 14 year old daughter and I have realised I don't know a lot about them. I really don't want to be one of those authors who gets teen speak/music/interests/fashion wrong. I was a 14 year old girl once and I was a bit of a goth which isnt what my character is. She is probably a bit more trendy, used to be sporty (maybe lapsed though now), has moved away to a new area with her mum so is a bit moody/ uncommunicative.

Please tell me about girls this age now, or rather in 2019 as I have been agonising about including covid too and decided not to.

What type of music / bands might they like?
Do they like gaming?
What sort of clothes might they wear?
What phrases / slang might they use?
What social media? I understand Facebook is for oldies so I am assuming Instagram and Snapchat?
And anything else at all. For example how do they hang out these days? Ds is 19 but when he was 14 he was so antisocial and insisted that people his age communicated via their X box headsets. Thankfully he is more sociable these days Smile

I appreciate teen girls are all different and not a homogenous bunch but anything will be helpful as I am a bit lost with this. Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Hm2020 · 09/04/2021 01:58

This thread is so interesting my dc is still young but I realised I know nothing about teenagers.

SE13Mummy · 09/04/2021 02:08

15 but Y11...

  • Not interested in gaming at all
  • Long hair with centre parting (all her friends have the same style albeit of varying lengths)
  • iPhone of some sort is standard but it isn't necessarily the latest one (DD's certainly isn't)
  • Zip cards and bank cards are stored within the phone case, cash is rarely carried and if it is, it's loose in a coat pocket
  • Does homework and pretty much everything else over Facetime to her two closest friends
  • Puts herself under lots of pressure and worries a lot about what other people think of her, holds back on things she's brilliant at because she doesn't want people to identify her as X who does Y
  • Instagram and Snapchat are used for communicating with friends. Instagram stories in particular can be set to display to different audiences so there's a hierarchy to the info shared e.g. private story might only be shown to a select few friends.
  • used to buy clothes from Depop but has switched to ebay because it's cheaper
  • rarely uses punctuation in messages, considers full stops to be 'rude' and abrupt.
  • will wear the same pair of tights to school for four days instead of opening her wardrobe to locate a clean pair
  • is outraged by racist attitudes and is very aware of her white privilege especially when it comes to things such as stop and search
  • wants to be noticed but not noticed in a big way e.g. really happy to be asked by a teacher to take on a role but wouldn't volunteer in case that gave the wrong impression
  • wears joggers and crop tops at home but more likely to wear jeans and hoodie or oversized 90s t-shirt when out with friends
  • goes through phases of meal planning healthy lunches to take to school... then eats junk on the way home
  • uses Snapmaps to work out where friends are and how long it'll take to get to the meeting place instead of just being there at the agreed time
  • puts eyeliner on for online lessons or leaving the house, uses a toothbrush dipped in Vaseline to 'strengthen' her eyelashes
  • wears trainer socks (so has bare ankles) even in the snow
  • has no idea how talented she is at something she does because she holds herself to far higher standards than are achievable or than she applies to those she compares herself with
  • uses a lot of index cards, highlighters and colourful biros from Wilkos for revision
  • thinks the government is useless
  • has become more discerning about sources of news; posts seen on Instagram are less likely to be offered as truth than when she was 14
  • aspires to live in a house with an island in the kitchen
CeeceeBloomingdale · 09/04/2021 02:22

What type of music / bands might they like?

Doesn't really listen to it, Alexa is permanently on do not disturb.

Do they like gaming?

No

What sort of clothes might they wear?

Leggings, oversized hoodies, skinny jeans, retro band tshirts (despite the lack of interest in listening to music). Her friends are more into Nike or adidas leggings and crop tops and river island or ted baker school bags.

What phrases / slang might they use?

Nothing in particular, just the usual "leave me alone" and "no" teenage mutterings

What social media? I understand Facebook is for oldies so I am assuming Instagram and Snapchat?

Insta mainly. You must never post anything to your grid, you can do stories on occasion. Everyone must comment "you're so pretty" "no you are" 🔥. Despite the lack of posts you must heart everything you see. The main use is the messaging function for group chats. You must also lie in bed all day watching Tiktok videos of nothing in particular. WhatsApp sometimes for group chats but insta messenger is preferred

anything else at all. For example how do they hang out these days?

They don't much due to current restrictions, the occasional walking the local streets but mainly they don't see much of their friends around here other than at school. McDonalds after school was a regular haunt pre covid, sometimes for food, sometimes just a drink.

Snacking seems to be very important, mainly in bed. Mug cakes with oreos, nutella and jam feature heavily. Bedtime is 1 or 2am then doesn't want to get up the next morning.

Not particularly woke, not really interested in anything let alone current issues. Disinterested and stroppy just about sums it up

CeeceeBloomingdale · 09/04/2021 02:26

YY to trainer socks and 4 days old tights @SE13Mummy glad it's not just mine!

Texts to be short and punctuationless. e.g. K instead of ok. No kisses at the end, literally just one letter

CeeceeBloomingdale · 09/04/2021 02:37

A small subtle amount of make up here, Morphe palettes are popular. Some of her peers are orange faced, with huge black slug brows and can barely keep their eyes open as the false lashes are so heavy though.

Regulation knee length school kilts to be rolled up so they are very short and stick out at an odd angle so they don't look like nuns apparently.

Gum chewing is popular.

Avoiding washing is popular, despite take 2 hour long baths. Still needs nagging to brush teeth and hair. Gets up 15 minutes before leaving for school. Never eats breakfast.

jessstan2 · 09/04/2021 03:27

They lie to their parents. Often their parents say their child tells them everything and then find out that is far from the case.

treeeeemendous · 09/04/2021 08:22

What type of music / bands might they like?
Not really into music,

Do they like gaming?
No

What sort of clothes might they wear?
Buys clothes from shein, depop and eBay with some primark stuff thrown in. Skirts are incredibly short. Wears mainly black, but actually nice clothes not grungy.
I would say she is a goth/emo (darent use those words tho as they'll be wrong) make up is dark, black nail varnish. Normal eyebrows no fake tan. Many of her year group are literally orange when I spot them in town.

What phrases / slang might they use?
They don't, teen ds however ...

What social media? I understand Facebook is for oldies so I am assuming Instagram and Snapchat?
Insta and Snapchat although rarely posts just seems to use it for messaging. Houseparty to chat to her friends for hours and hours, late at night and very loudly. Doesn't seem to actually write any messages. Everything is via voice note, video, photo. Often seen holding the bottom of her phone to her ear to listen to said voice notes that seem to be 5 minute ramblings from friends .

And anything else at all.
Has views on everything. LGBTQ+, BLM no matter what we say we are wrong and know nothing. Is vegetarian, wants to be vegan. Very keen on environmental issues, food waste, animal rights, sustainability. Could argue on any topic all day so we now avoid all topics of conversation along these lines especially at dinner. Likes to stomp off if we don't all agree with her.

Everything is done from her bed. Chatting to friends, watching Netflix, eating - even though no food and drink allowed upstairs Hmm pre covid friends would come over and all would get in her bed to sit and look at their phones. (Double bed so sat two or three each end) Normally with snacks and drinks they had brought back from Poundland.

For example how do they hang out these days? At the moment in friends gardens/ park. From next weekend be back to meeting in town on Saturdays, then going back to friends houses.
Unable to give any notice when she needs picking up as oblivious that we may have other plans. Has been known to text me a photo from random places around town (I have to look for landmarks) to say can you pick me up now (rural, no buses, no pavements - big mistake!)
Never answers her phone when we call her. But expects us to answer immediately when she calls. Replies with single/double letter answers yy

But so loving, funny and kind that I can overlook many of the issues above.

PuppyMonkey · 09/04/2021 08:32

Music - they love 80s music as it’s used a lot in tiktok. Tears for Fears etc.

My 14 year old is quite obsessed with the 80s generally and is jealous of me because I was a teen then.Confused

pepsicolagirl · 09/04/2021 08:35

Boba
Mochi
Woke
Musicals
Ukelele
GSCE stress
Fake nose ring
Pan/Gay/Bi
80% of her friends are now they and have changed their name at least once
Tik Tok
Insta (stories and reels)
More Boba
Actually pretty cool music but NEVER Billie Eilish
Sanders Sides
Starbucks
Weirdly loves old tv like Full House

pepsicolagirl · 09/04/2021 08:35

Oh and on the pill. To help with periods.

PuppyMonkey · 09/04/2021 08:36

Phrases: “You’re so toxic.”
Grin

Kitty2019 · 09/04/2021 08:45

All of above pretty accurate observations.

Nataliafalka · 09/04/2021 08:49

@SE13Mummy I could have written this myself, however not sure she’s aware of her white privilege. And interestingly has no friends at all who are pan/bi/asexual etc and it doesn’t seem to be a conversation. They all seem to be boy mad.

Also big skater and big on skating scene

barnanabas · 09/04/2021 08:52

Yes, lots of things are toxic!

14 yr old here:
Close-knit group of friends, don't really socialise much with anyone else (though this may be partly covid-related). She does the ongoing conversation with long silences and going about their day thing with one friend in particular - it sometimes feels like she lives with us.
Loves cooking. Baking, but increasingly savoury stuff too. Especially pasta.
Lots of friends have a non cis-het identity.
Worried about social justice/climate change.
Worried about housing costs in future (we may have moaned about the boomers a bit too much!)
Plays sport
Works hard at school and thinks about the future. Fully expects sexual equality to not be an issue for her (as tbf I did 30 years ago, though can now see it didn't quite work for our generation).
Reads a lot.
Loves to talk about herself. Will come on a dog walk and happily talk about 'Being Amy [not her actual name]' for an hour.
No make-up. Clothes are mostly baggy/comfy. Vintage t-shirts, converse/vans etc.

She and her friends are great fun to be around.

Neversaygoodbye · 09/04/2021 08:58

16 year old daughter

Baggy clothes, joggers, Trainers, DM's
Loves eye makeup, winged eyeliner, coloured mascara and a dark lip
Doesn't do anything with eyebrows
Long hair
Anime and drawing manga
Music Imagine Dragons, Billie Eilish
Gaming Assassins Creed, Sims, Minecraft (she's arty)
Youtube, Instagram never use the phone to make calls

Nataliafalka · 09/04/2021 09:02

King straight hair centre parting. They all have the same hair
Piercings. She only has 2 in each ear but friends have more
Watches modern family, Brooklyn 99 and horror films
Wears baggy trousers, crop tops, massive baggy sweatshirts and Nike blazers of airforce 1 trainers
Hangs around in fluffies which are fleece tracksuit bottoms
Used to like billie Eilish but not sure what she listens to now.
Always a random friend on FaceTime even if they don’t talk to each other
Uses Snapchat mainly and sometimes Instagram
Obsessed with McDonald’s, Nando’s and sushi
Skateboarding is her life. Thrasher magazine
Plays drums and keyboard and guitar
Ambitious - all her friends are planning on doing a levels and going to university
No idea whatsoever of real life and lives in a lovely safe MC bubble

cameocat · 09/04/2021 09:02

Wear
Hoodies
Clothes that are too big
Some makeup
Has braces
Veggie
Anime
Gaming
All things Japanese
Takes forever to leave the house

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 09/04/2021 09:30

Social anxiety and gender identity worn as a badge of honour - very socially aware and righteous.

Answers messages with K as apparently she’s too lazy to type the O first. Or sometimes KK

LagneyandCasey · 09/04/2021 09:38

I've loved reading this thread. What an interesting bunch our teen girls are! My just turned 15 yo dd is a great mixture all all of the above.

She's very attached to her phone but it's mainly to keep in contact with friends. It's become really important to her during lockdown. She uses Insta, SC, Tiktok (she just watches) and WhatsApp.

She's very devoted to her friends and seems to be chatting to someone all day. She props her phone up in the kitchen and videos herself making meals and shares with friends. Her phone is full of similar videos from friends.

She adores make up and has boxes full but only wears very minimal make up outside the house.

She wears leggings, hoodies and trainers - must be Nike. She loves Primark and New Look in person. Boohoo, Missguided and Shein online. At home she's generally in her onesie.

Her hair is long and beautiful and she takes great care of it. She has a massive collection of hair products.

She showers a lot and the bathroom is like a floral smelling sauna when she emerges.

She resists affection but if I pull her in for a quick cuddle I can feel her stiff little body relax so she obviously still likes that connection.

She can be very difficult but also very sweet. There's never really a reason for either and it can change minute by minute!

She complains a lot that our house is too small because she watches videos of teens in the USA with massive houses and bedrooms.

She still gets very excited about Christmas, Birthdays and holidays. She's currently planning the cat's Birthday party.

She spends a lot of time in her room a gets cross if we disturb her. We generally wait until she emerges or send a text if we need to communicate Wink

One thing though, the fashions, music opinions and obsessions change so very quickly so whatever you write will date. The things that never date are the physical changes, school pressures, the need for privacy, detachment from parents and having a 'tribe' of like minded friends.

CrazyNeighbour · 09/04/2021 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 09/04/2021 09:45

Yeah mine thinks social media is for saddos or what she terms ‘popular girls’. She has Pinterest too, and only Whatsapp. I just cannot imagine her ever doing a trout pout selfie!

Batshitkerazy · 09/04/2021 09:46

Really interesting thread op! Times have certainly changed since I was a teenGrin

Serendipiteaandtoast · 09/04/2021 09:48

This is such a reassuring thread to read as a parent to a teen girl.

Yes to lots of eyeliner, bucket hats, Minecraft being cool again, spending 90% of the time in bed, constantly having a friend on FaceTime but not often actually speaking to each other, or even being able to see one another’s faces.

Beamur · 09/04/2021 09:50

treeeemendous
I asked my DD what the right term for goth/emo is now and she offered up alt core. V similar aesthetic to emo but maybe more groomed?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 09/04/2021 09:51

One more thing- her and all her friends despise Boris. They think he is a cartoon. They hated Trump too.

Avidly support BLM, and gender fluidity