To think there is too much pressure to formula feed?

[daffodilsandprimroses]

I’ve been considering making this post for a while but was worried about being flamed - I probably will be.

I am definitely not speaking to or about the women who made a choice to formula feed, either from the start or after trying breastfeeding and deciding it wasn’t for them.

I am talking about the women like me who really wanted to breastfeed and tried.

I found the midwives were very quick to leap to pushing formula once breastfeeding wasn’t working. When ds lost weight after birth rather than helping support me to feed him we were put on a feeding plan involving formula.

Why is there no support for breastfeeding?

@Circumlocutious

There is a lot of pressure to breastfeed combined with woeful breastfeeding support...which can absolutely make the difference between continuing and stopping. Breastfeeding is not easy everyone but most can achieve it with proper support, which is sadly lacking (HV cut to the bone etc).

I say this as someone pro beast feeding who managed to do it for 2 years. Don’t make women feel bad if you’re not going to offer support with latching, engorgement, baby tongue ties etc.

I totally think this is the case I struggled to breastfeed my boys and ended up bottlefeedig both though I expressed the first 4 months for the second. I could never get a latch and despite help in hospital it wasn't a specialist. Most my friends breastfed and I have always felt inadequate for not doing so and found many ppl judge me for not breastfeeding. I think different areas have different expectations though. I wish the support was equal though as feel with a lactation specialist at the beginning I may well have got my second child to latch.

I don't think there's any pressure to formula feed at all. There isn't enough support to breastfeed though.

@BrilloSolar, how awful to be dismissed like that by someone you are supposed to trust for your baby's health care.

Mums are definitely between the devil and the deep blue sea when it comes to this.

I also was given no support first time round. It seemed to work OK at first, but after a few days it was toe curlingly painful and I cried my eyes out giving him formula for the first time. I combination fed for a few weeks which worked for me.

I just had the Mumsnet mantra "formula is not bleach" going through my mind.

You are the only person I have ever heard say that. Usually the pressure to BF is off the scale!

I know the feeling OP I definitely had a mixed bag!
My son was in the neonatal unit for the first 5 days despite being a term baby.
On one side I had loads of support from the infant feeding team with establishing feeding, pumping and milk supply and then had a neonatal bank nurse tell me I was starving my baby.....

At that point I lost my shhhh requested to speak to the Dr and she got a telling off by the consultant. I even said to the Dr if they said to me for medical reasons he needed formula then of course I consented..... The Dr said at this point no he doesn't and is getting from you. He had a 90% tongue tie. Also research has shown that BF a baby in neonatal reduces the time they are there.

I had to battle for the first few weeks but was able to find support but from charities and will forever be grateful to the NCT breastfeeding counsellor who sat with me and helped me.

My son BF til just before his second birthday.
Can recommend speaking to NCT BF counsellors (they are doing over zoom) or a lactation specialist.

We were encouraged to give formula after I couldn’t breastfeed despite all of our best efforts. I refused because of the link between formula and damaging babies gut health. I exclusively pumped despite healthcare professionals discouraging me, I’ve no idea why! I don’t know why the damage to babies guts by formula isn’t discussed more.

Again the opposite - I spent three days in hospital trying to get my baby to latch and then blamed for his jaundice because I didn't manage to hand express enough colostrum for him - they told me he needed 40ml a day.

When I was being discharged I asked for advice on formula feeding and the midwife told me she only could help advise on breastfeeding.

At my day 5 checkup I was told off for underfeeding as we had no idea how much to put in a bottle

Completely agree! I was pushed so much into formula feeding.
I did get support but all of them said ‘it’s okay to give up now’ but me being stubborn didn’t want to! Fed both of mine for over a year with the help of formula as well!

@sipsmith1

We were encouraged to give formula after I couldn’t breastfeed despite all of our best efforts. I refused because of the link between formula and damaging babies gut health. I exclusively pumped despite healthcare professionals discouraging me, I’ve no idea why! I don’t know why the damage to babies guts by formula isn’t discussed more.

Here we go.

@CyranosBestie

LOL I had catastrophically high blood pressure after birth, which could have been fixed by taking blood pressure pills, but they wouldn't prescribe them to me as I was breastfeeding. When I suggested a bottle fed baby with a living mother was preferable to breast feeding, the maternity team cried mental illness/it's your hormones dear.

Still can't believe they were willing to throw me under a bus like that. Breastfeeding nazis!

@CyranosBestie can you remember the name of the pills? My preeclampsia persisted after birth but I was given ones that allowed breastfeeding too (and was put on a magnesium sulfate drip when readmitted on day 6 due to ridiculous BP!) I'm not doubting what you're saying, just curious - I was led to believe that preeclampsia always resolves after birth and I don't think I've come to terms with it all yet (17 months later!) I haven't heard many stories from others who had BP issues after birth despite lots of googling.

I felt the opposite. So much pressure to breast feed. Leaflets galore, lectures from everyone and anyone. I couldn't even get information on bottle feeding even if I wanted it. No one showed me the correct way to bottle feed or even mentioned it as an option. Breast is best was shoved down my throat at every turn. I found it a bit strange in this day in age of 'my body my choice'. I ended up feeling like my body wasn't my own and it contributed to PND.

Completely agree and first time mums are the most vulnerable to this. The lack of support and advice leads them to think they didn't have the supply, couldn't produce etc. It's so sad.

@Strangekindofwoman what is that supposed to mean? Feeding formula in the first six weeks (according to NHS guidance) increases the risk of type 1 diabetes, increases the risk of gut infections and giving just one formula feed in the first three days significantly increases the risk of a cows milk allergen. These risks should be explained clearly rather than just pressuring women into it rather than providing support for breastfeeding.

@sipsmith1 you are part of the problem, making mums feel guilty if they couldn't breastfeed...
My god motherhood really is a competition

@Namechange1991x this is a thread dedicated to people who were pressured into formula feeding and not provided with support. Why would you get upset by people discussing their experiences about a topic that is relevant to them.

In hospital I was told I’d never be able to breastfeed by the midwife, they told my husband to go and get formula. They never once discussed with me the positives and negatives of a big decision that could have health consequences for my child. Nobody provided me any sort of support when I asked for it.

I have never managed to breastfeed but for my family exclusively pumping was the solution.

@Namechange1991x facts doesn’t equal guilt.

We can’t stop researching and explaining science/statistics because it makes you feel bad, sorry.

Could you imagine: hold that project Neil De Grasse, someone who has lost their sight feels guilty they can’t see the meteor.

We are stuck between a rock and a hard place as midwives. The training is shocking and most midwives themselves haven’t breastfeed so can not come at it from a peer support standpoint.

If you are lucky to train or work in a BFI accredited hospital at a decent level then you will get a better level of training.

Why as caring professionals can’t we help more? Because we have to many women and babies and not enough staff, because we can’t cope. Breastfeeding is hard work for mums, babies and midwives, it doesn’t always come naturally.

Then throw in a compromised baby, who is maybe prem or jaundice, and the doctors become involved, they outrank midwives, we have to do as we are told, we have to follow guidelines which unfortunately means following sometimes ridiculous feeding plans.

The education for SHO’s is shit, some have just come from geriatrics for gods sake and suddenly they are prescribing formula and making us give “top ups” which are actually full feeds!

If we give the full risks of formula we are seen to be scaremongering, if we don’t then we haven’t given informed consent!

Sometimes midwives just can not win and it’s really demoralising when you spend HOURS with a woman and then she pulls out a pre made bottle of formula, unfortunately another women would have missed out on that help and it might have made all the difference!

Honestly we all want to help, but it is like doing your job with one hand tied behind your back at the moment. It’s a really hard environment for everyone involved.

Like pp I found the opposite. I was expected to breastfeed and all suggestions of formula feeding were met with disapproval even when it really wasn't going well. It was quite traumatic.

And I did want to breastfeed, quite desperately.

@sipsmith1 I totally agree and noone explains this side of breastfeeding. Before I had my first baby I knew that breastfeeding was considered the best method but I didn't really know why. Like most people I assumed it just contained better nourishment for the baby. I didn't know ANYTHING about gut health and the impact of one bottle of formula etc, but I wouldn't dare mention it to someone as you get crucified for shaming people (like a pp above)
Most women I know who have breastfed (and have been coping ok/enough milk/latch fine etc) choose to start mix feeding quite early on. A lot of the time they do this because that's just what society expects and is normal. They don't see the harm in one bottle a day alongside breastfeeding. I'm convinced if they knew about the gut health implications they wouldn't do it. We are never told about that side of it and I think that is the reason that exclusive breastfeeding at 6 months is so unusual.

@shouldistop

I don't think there's any pressure to formula feed at all. There isn't enough support to breastfeed though.

This rings true for me.

I had to have an emergency section under GA and was on a postnatal ward with little to no support. My husband was not allowed in with me because of Covid restrictions (understandable) and I was left for hours having used the buzzer several times to get support with breastfeeding. I could barely lift my baby myself post surgery let alone try to get him to latch on and stay calm in a chaotic environment. As many have posted above, the pressure was to bf in hospital but the support was not given.

When I was discharged the health visitor made the usual comments about us going back in to hospital if my son went under a certain weight. I tried so damn hard to breastfeed, the support was pathetic, and the anxiety around going back in to hospital drove my decision to ff. I expressed what I could but was frankly exhausted and depressed for the entire time. It never ceases to amaze me how people feel it's ok to ask, 'are you breastfeeding?' when it is such an intimate and delicate issue for many. The follow up comments that imply it's less than desirable feel unkind.

Reading posts like the above (re long-term gut damage from FF) makes me feel like shit. Complete and utter shit. Thinking I may have damaged both my children’s long term health because I had the audacity to feed them formula to keep them alive. Because I was born with crappy non-functioning boobs.

If it’s proven through multiple studies to be the case, so be it, people need to know to make the right choices. But it fucking sucks if you don’t have a choice.