AIBU to expect him to pull his weight during annual leave

Happybutexhausted · 2021-04-08T12:30:15+00:00

Husband is a Teacher and has all the usual long holidays each year. I’m in another profession and only get 25 days leave. AIBU unreasonable to expect him during the holidays to do all the jobs I would usually somehow squeeze in whilst working full time. He still gets the majority of the day to himself but I can actually sit and enjoy a lunch break rather than doing house admin or chores. I’m not sure if I’m being too harsh on him and should be carrying on as normal or not? He chose his career path and I chose mine so appreciate the need to respect the different benefits of each so happy to be told I’m BU.

Hhusky · 08/04/2021 13:38

Does he have any work to do while he's off? Seriously I know a few teachers and the decent holidays and pay are not worth all the personal time eaten up by your workload.
I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to do his share around the house but do be careful that you don't err to controlling his day and leave him miserable.

Chunkymonkey123 · 08/04/2021 13:38

Do you mean ‘pull his weight’ because yes he should be doing that all year round. Or do you mean do your share of the chores etc on his holiday as well as his own?

Sexnotgender · 08/04/2021 13:39

He should be doing his share all year round.

SharedLife · 08/04/2021 13:41

Why, when you both work, are you the only one doing these chores? He should be splitting them with you in holidays and term time.

TheWaif · 08/04/2021 13:43

Yeah I'm not sure what you mean either. Why doesn't he so any chores the rest of the year if you both work?

luxxlisbon · 08/04/2021 13:43

AIBU unreasonable to expect him during the holidays to do all the jobs I would usually somehow squeeze in whilst working full time.

Your title says you expect him to pull his weight which imo is doing an equal share, but your post implies you want him to do your bit too, which do you mean?

I don't think one partner should do 100% of the housework just because they are on annual leave. It makes sense for them to pick up a bit extra when they can but it isn't really a proper day off if you are always having to do the housework of 2 people.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2021 13:43

@SharedLife

Why, when you both work, are you the only one doing these chores? He should be splitting them with you in holidays and term time.

Yes, can you just clarify what you mean here, do you do everything plus work full time or do you mean he should do your share of the jobs when he's off? I agree either way if he's off he should do some of yours but if he's doing nothing at all even when he's working then that's a massive issue

Hhusky · 08/04/2021 13:43

I've just read that back I didn't word this brilliantly - to clarify yes he should be still doing his share but I don't think it would be reasonable for you to expect yours done as well. It's his holiday to its important for his mental health etc. I'm assuming you have your chores divided.

Pinkflipflop85 · 08/04/2021 13:44

He should be pulling his weight all year round.

I'm a teacher. Household stuff is shared all year round, but when I'm at home during school holidays I will always do a fair bit more than usual.

stackemhigh · 08/04/2021 13:45

He needs to do his share of the chores, lazy arse.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/04/2021 13:46

AIBU unreasonable to expect him during the holidays to do all the jobs I would usually somehow squeeze in whilst working full time

Why is your set up like this? Why isn't he doing his 'fair share' all year round?

JE17 · 08/04/2021 13:46

DH is a teacher and I work FT in industry. During school holidays he does most of the housework as well as those jobs that you put off til you've got time (today it was clearing out the garage). He still has time to do things he enjoys like his fitness training. It helps that he doesn't quite work full time, and during term time he already takes care of a lot of the day to day stuff as I get home much later than him.

Selkiesarereal · 08/04/2021 13:47

I’m off this week so have done all the housework, cooking, etc but when we are both working then it’s shared so yes I do think he should pick it up when he’s off.

CatsHairEverywhere2 · 08/04/2021 13:47

He should be pulling his weight all year round, including while on holiday.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2021 13:49

@Hhusky

I've just read that back I didn't word this brilliantly - to clarify yes he should be still doing his share but I don't think it would be reasonable for you to expect yours done as well. It's his holiday to its important for his mental health etc. I'm assuming you have your chores divided.

I'd expect him to do some of the OPs share but not all

Superstardjs · 08/04/2021 13:50

Why does he do nothing in term time? I'm sure he would manage to run a home, eat and have clean clothes if he were single. YANBU.

Original poster

Happybutexhausted · 08/04/2021 14:11

Sorry, I was really unclear in my OP now I’ve read it back.

He always does his share of household stuff during term time, he’s in no way lazy. I just wondered if I was being unreasonable to ask him to do more during the holiday times? Not so I can have an easy life but so that we can have more time together when I’m not in work.

His resting and looking after his well-being in the holidays is my number one priority and I haven’t asked him to do more chores ... it was just a case of being sat wondering whether it would be fair for me to ask for him to do a bit extra or not.

OP posts:

lanthanum · 08/04/2021 14:27

Perhaps you could suggest that if he does more during the holidays you will do more during termtime. Most teachers would be very happy with a trade like that, as the hours are usually insane during termtime. I used to do a thorough clean each half-term/holiday and then minimal cleaning in termtime.

Cherrysoup · 08/04/2021 14:53

I’m a teacher and do more when off, so dog walks, all the cooking, housework etc, although my dh doesn’t do housework anyway! To be fair, he does all the finances, bills etc.

TaraR2020 · 08/04/2021 14:53

Yanbu

shivawn · 08/04/2021 15:59

He always does his share of household stuff during term time, he’s in no way lazy. I just wondered if I was being unreasonable to ask him to do more during the holiday times? Not so I can have an easy life but so that we can have more time together when I’m not in work.

Well thats completely different to your thread title. It sounds like he's already pulling his own weight and I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh. Maybe you should think about hiring a cleaner instead?

FrangipaniBlue · 08/04/2021 16:14

@Happybutexhausted

Sorry, I was really unclear in my OP now I’ve read it back.

He always does his share of household stuff during term time, he’s in no way lazy. I just wondered if I was being unreasonable to ask him to do more during the holiday times? Not so I can have an easy life but so that we can have more time together when I’m not in work.

His resting and looking after his well-being in the holidays is my number one priority and I haven’t asked him to do more chores ... it was just a case of being sat wondering whether it would be fair for me to ask for him to do a bit extra or not.

Do you do more when you are off work and he is in work or does it only ever work out that you off together or him on his own with you having less holidays?

I can kind of understand what you mean though, I have A LOT more annual leave than my husband so I get time off on my own whereas he is only off at the same time as me and it's usually to do family activities or holidays.

So while all year round we share chores/gl household stuff, when I have time off on my own I do tend to do a bit more and I don't think that's unreasonable.

Tinydinosaur · 08/04/2021 16:19

Him doing a little more during the holidays and you doing more during term time is fair.
Him doing half during term time and 90% during holidays is very not fair.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 08/04/2021 16:25

I think it makes perfect sense that whilst he's off and you're working he takes up more of the jobs at home- not everything but more of a 70/30 split than 50/50, is he doing childcare in the holidays?

AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2021 16:27

@Happybutexhausted

Sorry, I was really unclear in my OP now I’ve read it back.

He always does his share of household stuff during term time, he’s in no way lazy. I just wondered if I was being unreasonable to ask him to do more during the holiday times? Not so I can have an easy life but so that we can have more time together when I’m not in work.

His resting and looking after his well-being in the holidays is my number one priority and I haven’t asked him to do more chores ... it was just a case of being sat wondering whether it would be fair for me to ask for him to do a bit extra or not.

he should definitely do a bit more and take the pressure off you when he has all that free time, not do everything but surely do a bit more yeah, that's working as a team surely?