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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unpaid maternity leave

43 replies

Yummymummy2020 · 07/04/2021 20:59

Is it unreasonable to expect husband to contribute extra to household expenses during my unpaid maternity leave? We rent and have normal expenses like food bills ect which we split normally. It is cheaper for me to take the unpaid leave to mind our kids than for us to pay for childcare and I would like the time with the kids.By contribute I guess I mean I will save as much as I can but due to not having income I think he should pay more in rent for that time that I’m off. I’m just wondering what way other people worked things out! I wouldn’t expect him to pay extra off non essentials just it would take pressure off me trying to save for my full share for everything over the three months.

OP posts:
Clydie89 · 07/04/2021 21:03

Assuming the child is his then of course not, it's just one of the many costs of having a baby.

Better get this nipped in the bud now and share finances before you have childcare costs etc to work out. The burden shouldn't just be yours!!

TheMayQueen · 07/04/2021 21:04

Yes of course he should financially support you during maternity leave. How come you're not entitled to any maternity pay? You should at least get statutory?

user1493413286 · 07/04/2021 21:05

During my first maternity leave my DH couldn’t afford to pay extra and I knew that before we got pregnant so I was fine with saving money and doing it myself. With our second DC my DH put a significant amount of extra into the bills and mortgage as he could afford it and it was something we’d discussed before having a second baby. It meant that I could take the maximum time off and made it all a bit easier.

ColourfulElmerElephant · 07/04/2021 21:05

Isn’t it just household money anyway?

user1493413286 · 07/04/2021 21:06

Just to add that I accepted with our first baby that he wasn’t going to be able to but with our second it would have been really unfair for him to have extra cash while I had nothing

Italiandreams · 07/04/2021 21:07

We treat our money as family money. Currently both saving for my maternity leave, will pay for things out of our joint income. While working mine is actually higher but when I’m on maternity leave that will be the opposite but neither of us pay an attention. We view it all as equal responsibility.

Megan2018 · 07/04/2021 21:07

We saved what we’d need for maternity leave to cover my period unpaid. I am the higher earner so DH couldn’t cover my share. It cost so much, pretty much all our savings.
All our money was pooled but there was a £3k shortfall every month for the second 6 months of my mat leave.

JoesM12 · 07/04/2021 21:08

YANBU. You're staying home to look after HIS children. Not just yours.
My husband will be covering all our household costs should we decide it would be better for us for me to have longer off work.
I will use what I have saved for non essentials should I need/want them. But even then I'm sure he'd cover that too.
Speak to him about it. Maybe he's already assumed that he will have to cover majority of household bills. Surely it's a given

SarahAndQuack · 07/04/2021 21:08

Of course he should contribute.

Is he taking into account how much childcare would cost? He owes you half the cost of what the childcare would be, at the minimum.

SnackSizeRaisin · 07/04/2021 21:08

I don't think there's an automatic right or wrong, it should be a family decision. One option is that you could go back to work and pay 50% each towards childcare and bills etc. Or you could decide as a family that you are better off staying off and saving the childcare costs. However in that case you would be providing the childcare instead of working (thereby forfeiting your ability to earn money) so it wouldn't seem fair for you to still pay half the bills as well, so husband should pay most or all the bills from his earnings.
If the family is financially worse off if you stay home rather than pay for childcare AND your husband thinks you ought to go back to work, that is the only scenario in which it would be fair for you to still pay half the bills.

Bobbots · 07/04/2021 21:09

I find it very odd that your finances are separate to be honest. So not only have you given up working to look after his children, you are now expected to fork out of your own savings for the privilege?
Everything should be family money.

Greenbks · 07/04/2021 21:10

Is he saying that he won’t/shouldn't contribute?

I’m saving up with our joint savings and will use that to pay mortgage bills etc. If those savings run out then husband will pick up with his salary.

This is a no brainer. I am carrying our child and it’s been a bloody difficult pregnancy first with sickness, and now with the risk of losing our baby or having a pretty-term birth die to our history with our firstborn who died.

So yeah. If he’s the father and you both agreed to bring this child into this world then you both have a responsibility

CombatBarbie · 07/04/2021 21:10

Well of course he should or you both plan to save x months of your share of the bills to cover the unpaid part. It's a bit like Christmas, it's really not a surprise.

Crowsaregreat · 07/04/2021 21:10

To answer your question, not unreasonable at all.

You are both making a baby. Both of you are about to be caught up in a flurry of baby life that will drain your bank accounts, knacker you, trash your social life, weak havoc on your bodies and generally turn everything upside down. You're in it together, you both give everything you have to the baby and what it takes to care for them.

I think it's hard before babies come along to realise the full impact they have, they're not a hobby that slots in with your life, they take everything you've got. They're great and it's fun, but I wouldn't be treating it like a side project!

Jangle33 · 07/04/2021 21:12

Why would you not support each other?

Why would you possibly have a child with a man who could even think that’s ok?

And I say that as the breadwinner.

SnackSizeRaisin · 07/04/2021 21:14

It's helpful to consider each parent as liable for half the childcare costs. So it's worth you going back to work if you earn enough to cover your half of the bills plus half the childcare. You don't need to earn the entire childcare cost to make it worthwhile for you. Bear in mind that if you stay off work unpaid you will have a shortfall in pension and NI contributions relative to your husband. So really unless you are absolutely on the breadline, your husband should be covering those things for you whilst you are off work. I really think it's simpler and safer for both parents to work rather than one not, unless there's a huge disparity in income that means these costs can be easily met

Darbs76 · 07/04/2021 21:18

I just commented this on another thread but I ended up saving up so I contributed the same as when working as it was horrible the first time round relying on my ex to pay for everything. He likes saving so hated that he had to pay more and it made my life a misery. But no, it shouldn’t be like that, of course he should pay it all

MerryDecembermas · 07/04/2021 21:20

Why on earth would you take on all the financial burden of a child when he is the father?!

All money earned by either partner is family money, goes into joint account. Simples.

Otherwise you end up with these ridiculous abusive situations where women post on MN about not being able to afford shoes for their DC Hmm

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/04/2021 21:21

We both saved in advance of my maternity leave and he paid any shortfall when I was on leave. We treat discretionary time and money the same. In that the goal isn't how much you do/earn it's about making sure we both enjoy the same amount of time off and the same spending money.

Merryoldgoat · 07/04/2021 21:22

The notion he wouldn’t is bizarre frankly.

I only got paid SMP so that was all I had available to contribute from. Money pooled, bills paid, equal spends. Went from £400 ish each a month to £150 ish each.

We obviously shared the general codes for the children - clothes, classes etc.

I was not expected to save to fund my maternity leave over and above the general planning one does when expecting a baby.

PickleCabbage · 07/04/2021 21:26

If he is the father then he should definitely be contributing. Have you discussed this with him? Both you and him should be saving up as the household income would fall when you are on maternity leave.

Wheelerdeeler · 07/04/2021 21:26

Am absolutely baffled that you are asking this.

You need to seriously look at finances being shared.

What would happen if he lost his job????? Would you expect him to still pay half?

secretllama · 07/04/2021 21:28

@Bobbots

I find it very odd that your finances are separate to be honest. So not only have you given up working to look after his children, you are now expected to fork out of your own savings for the privilege? Everything should be family money.
Absolutely. Sorry but I find it mental that couples who are together with children split money. And also that a man would actually see the mother of his child be skint though mat leave.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/04/2021 21:30

Depends on what you agreed re maternity leave. It can be shared now so maybe he would like to do that.

I don’t get why it’s a saving on childcare as if home it won’t be needed and if you return to work it won’t be unpaid.

RedcurrantPuff · 07/04/2021 21:35

Some people’s financial arrangements on here really baffle me. How you can marry someone, have kids and still “his money and her money”.

He’ll need to pay, won’t he, if you don’t have any money coming in he’ll need to pay the rent if you still want to have somewhere to live.