Friends husbands/partners..

[Pierslovesmeghan]

What do you think of them? What is your relationship like with them?

All through my life, close friends partners, I always got on with in a sort of brotherly/also good friend way. Of course there has probably been a couple of wankers, but generally I liked them in a very platonic, sort of caring way.

In the last couple of years I’ve made a lot of new ‘Mummy friends’ one I'm fairly close to but don’t know massively well. With lockdowns lifting, we’ve sort of formed a small group with her, her husband and their toddler (who plays with our toddler)

Strangely, the other day, I found myself having a sort of crush on her other half. This has never happened before, many of my best friends partners have been really good looking, funny, clever, kind etc, but it’s almost been an immediate cut off in my mind, so this felt really weird. I’m not sure if I’m just confusing it with really liking him as he’s a highly likeable guy. He’s a few tears younger than all of us and I can just really see what she sees in him. It just really freaked me out that I was sort of thinking like this.

Has anyone else ever had this sort of situation? Aibu and a complete bitch to even have this enter my mind or is it completely normal to find other people attractive and it’s just that this guy happens to be married to me new friend?

*Years

*My

It's probably because you don't know him so well? You can't choose to stop being attracted to someone even if it's a friends husband! as long as it's secret and you don't tell them as I'm sure you wouldn't, then nothing to worry about.

I think it's totally normal and nothing to worry about. Presumably you're not planning on acting on this crush.

A weird number of my friends have crushes on my husband. He’s not Jason Momoa or anything just seems to have appealing qualities I think. It doesn’t really bother me, it makes me laugh. I know they’d never act on it and neither would he.

It’s probably quite natural to meet people and find them attractive, so long as you don’t act upon it.

@ButIcantsitonleather They tell you this 😳

@seensome Yes maybe, perhaps need to spend more time to see he’s probably a bit of a loveable dickhead, the way all the others have been 🤣

@KEVINChristmas Go, no.

[quote Pierslovesmeghan]@ButIcantsitonleather They tell you this 😳[/quote]
No! It’s screamingly apparent whenever there’s alcohol involved. 😂 my poor husband laughs but gets quite uncomfortable.

Only one of my close friends has a partner and I don't like him, I think he's controlling. The rest of us are all single.

I don't think it's a big deal OP, obviously if you don't intend to act on it.

A couple of them I’m good friends with, and see separately sometimes, most I rub along fine with when our paths cross, and one I dislike and avoid.

@ButIcantsitonleather Oh no 🙈but doesn’t that make things very awkward and is kind of wrong of your mates?

No I’ve never had a crush on one of my mates husbands and I’m genuinely appalled anyone thinks it’s normal, it’s not, it’s a line you don’t cross. And I’m one hundred percent sure none have had a crush on mine. Because we are friends. And it would be like looking at a family member that way. It’s wrong on every level.

Sorry, I don’t think this is funny or normal.

No definitely not. My close friends have appalling taste in men, I barely like their partners let alone fancy them!

@Bluntness100 I haven’t crossed any lines and wouldn’t obviously, ever. I don’t think it’s funny and also don’t think it’s right, hence asking as I’ve never had it before and am not sure if I actually do 🤷🏻‍♀️

To be honest with a lot of my friends I hear them complain enough about their partners to definitely not fancy them! I did kind of have this once but it wasn’t so much the guy but more the relationship between the couple was just one where they were so compatible and clearly fancied each other and loved each other so much that it made me more want that relationship

@ButIcantsitonleather so lots of your friends get drunk and flirt with your husband?!

I’m not sure how I’d feel about that even if I knew nobody would do anything.
I do remember an awkward dinner party at my house where one friend of mine shouted ‘stop flirting with my husband’ at another friend! I kind of thought, fair play.

Secret crushes are normal and then they just pass. I don’t agree with blatant flirting though and wouldn’t consider anyone a friend who did that to me..

A crush is completely normal - it’s not like you have any control over who you like. Probably if he was a long term friend you would have gone beyond that now but since it’s a pretty new it’s all still very much alive. I can remember having a really strong crush on a guy in my office. Two years down the line I can’t really see what I was making such a fuss about.

@ButIcantsitonleather Don’t you feel jealous/hurt by them flirting?

I don’t introduce my husband to my friends and I have no want to know their husbands really.

I couldn’t be hanging out with a friend and her dh abs secretly fancying him that’s just so wrong feels like a breach of trust tbh.

@Alwaysandforeverhere Don’t you ever meet up as a foursome/group/family to family?

@Alwaysandforeverhere Yes I did feel like that, now don’t want to meet up with them as it felt strange.

@Bluntness100

No I’ve never had a crush on one of my mates husbands and I’m genuinely appalled anyone thinks it’s normal, it’s not, it’s a line you don’t cross. And I’m one hundred percent sure none have had a crush on mine. Because we are friends. And it would be like looking at a family member that way. It’s wrong on every level.

Sorry, I don’t think this is funny or normal.

So you can entirely control who you find attractive can you?

[quote Pierslovesmeghan]@Alwaysandforeverhere Don’t you ever meet up as a foursome/group/family to family?[/quote]
Nope. We are “mummy” friends we meet up with the children normally while our partners are working or just as the women leaving the children with the men.

You have no friends outside of being a mummy? No single person met your husband before or after that?

I’ve had an odd crush on my friends husband. They would never know, and it passed quickly the more I got to know them. You can’t help who you have an initial attraction to, but you can help how you behave from that point on.

[quote Pierslovesmeghan]@ButIcantsitonleather Don’t you feel jealous/hurt by them flirting?[/quote]
They don’t actively flirt, per se. It’s just somehow obvious. They’re not trying to corner him in the kitchen or anything, it’s just very apparent. It makes me feel a bit sorry for them if anything, my H and me are solid.