#Notallmothers
But I think that one of the biggest abuses of power in the world today, is mother's abuse of their adult children.
I know so many mothers who think that they are more important than their children, that because they created the child, that they should have total power over them.
I know so many mothers who really emotionally abuse their adult children, and see them as an object that they own. They seem completely unable of seeing their adult children as human beings who are entitled to have their own lives. Where does this come from?
Do women need more education on the fact , that even if a human being comes out of your body, it does not mean that you own that human being?
I will give you a few examples of people that I know.
I know three adult men, with single mothers. Two have mothers that are divorced, one has a mother that is widowed. All three mothers expect their adult son to be at their beck and call. The mothers see themselves as more important than the sons, they constantly want the sons to provide them with emotional support and they treat their sons like substitute husbands.
One man said to me that he is expected to phone his mother for two hours every day, and if he doesn't, she goes apeshit. He has tried to say that he is busy, but she won't listen. She puts her needs before his.
One of the other men has told me that he has tried to stand up to his mother a few times, but she just shouts at him, and says to him "I made you". I have witnessed this woman screaming at her adult son on numerous occasions.
The third man told me that his mother will ring him with all her emotional problems, and never ask him how he is. He also said that whatever he does, she tells him that he is doing it wrong.
My own mother (70s) has two children, she thinks that she is more important than me and my brother, and she will always put her wishes and wants before me and my brother. I moved to another country so she doesnt abuse me, but she abuses my brother all the time. My brother is 40 - and she rings him all the time to tell him what to do, and that what he is doing is wrong. She barks orders at him. I said to her, on our last phonecall that he is 40, and she shouldn't be telling him what to do, he is an adult, and to let him have his own life. And she said "no you have to tell John what to do". I know she enjoys the power over him. My brother is a weakened person because of her behaviour, because my mother has been so controlling and aggressive over him, since he was very young. He has tried to limit contact with her, but she is very effective in making him think that he is crazy, and that it is his fault that he is so bad.
I also have a female friend, late thirties. Her parents own a farm. She is a teacher and lives in a different town. Every day her mother rings her and asks (tells) her to come out and see her. If she says she is busy, her mother cries and wails and guilt trips her. Her mother never thinks that her daughter is a busy teacher with her own life, she just thinks about herself, always. Her mother then also guilts her into helping out in loads of areas of the farm. My friend said when she was close to a nervous breakdown with teaching in her own job all day, and doing the farm accounts all night for free for her mother, that she eventually was able to stand up to her mother about the accounts. Her mother has also said to her daughter that she would like it if she never gets married, so that her duaghter can make her mother her number one priority her whole life! True story.
Then look here on Mumsnet, there are so many stories about mothers being abusive to their daughters.
I think it is important to talk about this. Why do many women try to exert power and control over their children? What can be done to improve this? Again #notallmothers, but I see a lot of it happening.