Blending within an area- just doesn't work

[Justaonetimeting]

I live in an area of a big city which for many years was a poorer part of the city. It was also home to mostly people of Caribbean descent, people of Indian, Bangladeshi and Pakistani descent and working class white British people. Over the last five years lots of 'down from Londoners' and people moving from other parts of the city have moved here as you get more bang for your buck in terms of house and we have some really decent parks.
When I'm in my local park I feel sort of a detachment from the community as I don't really know where I fit in. I'm from the city and working class, my dad is an immigrant but we have no connection to that community and I don't speak the language but part of me feels like the area doesn't really know what it is anymore.
In the park there was a group of local kids, swearing and dropping litter, some Bangladeshi mums with their kids, some young mixed race teens playing basketball and some loud MC people talking about their preconceived ideas about the area being full of 'scum' before they realised it was actually 'quite nice' and 'so cheap!'
I can't figure out how the area will ever function together. How it will 'blend'? Are Hugo and Nancy's kid going to bring Umaka round for tea, or Harper Lee or will they navigate towards another Iris? Will Hugo and Nancy be dismayed at their child's prospects when they get to secondary and leave the area all together? Or will we all stick to our separate parts of the park forever? And is that actually ok?
I've always wanted a more diverse group of friends but now I see that's artificial. You are friends with those that you meet in life and gel with. I am friends with different types of people because we have met organically so is it artificial to expect people to mix just because they live in the same postcode? The same street?

I'm British Asian and Muslim and this has come up with my youngest child quite a lot. When I was young we played out in the street, there wasn't the concept of organized playdates that there is now. From my observations as a school mum the only people who are expected to "blend" is those who are non white (even when the white people are the newcomers) and furthermore you are expected to conform to their ideals. I am an active participant in society and very much consider my British identity to be strong, however I mostly prefer to mix with other Muslims or POC for several reasons:

1. We eat a halal diet so that massively complicates things for the host, and I don't want to trouble anyone.

1. Culturally I find playdates as they are done here really restrictive (I'm talking about white British classmates). They are always in between meal times, and I have commitments with extended families that means it is a complete PITA to take dd at 1.30 and pick her up at 3.30. Within our culture it is much more relaxed and it would be expected that a meal was part of it.

1. Lack of respect: again this is just limited to my experience but I've found that white British school mums like to assert their opinions on your cultural/religious practices which I feel is very rude and as a result I don't want my child in their house. Dd told her friend she was going to try fasting in Ramadan (entirely her choice) and her mum told dd that this was child abuse .

1. Offence taken by not sharing certain beliefs: we don't celebrate birthdays and this for some odd reason causes a lot of offence. Mum's pleading with me to justify why not and to just allow my dc to go to her Jimmy's party. Again, I find this really disrespectful. I feel obliged to respect other people's beliefs and it wouldn't occur to me for one second to attempt to coerce them into compromising that. The same with sleepovers.

@riverrunner

you're doing Not Mixing all wrong, you're supposed to go to the park and shout plummily, 'Hullo, Rafe, out to have a dekko at the local pond scum?' while wearing red trousers

😃

If you really want to be friends with someone strike up a conversation , give them your number / card and tell them you'd like to invite them to your community mixer event no need for any angst

@Lantanacamara I agree with this. My dd's daughter at school is Somali and the mum was quite upfront with me about not liking play dates after school at peoples houses, not celebrating birthdays etc. In the end no one bar me spoke to her or her mum. It just takes a bit of understanding and comprehension. Why not start with some common ground? 'Hello I know you're not big into play dates but are you doing anything over the summer holidays, what time is best for you?' Did you have a good Eid? Etc.'

Just my closest school mum friend is white British and when we joined the school she was the only mum who ever spoke to me. She's quite a staunch born again Christian and we even have theological discussion from time to time but we can always agree to disagree. She is very respectful of our differences and I wouldn't have any qualms about dd going to her house. Her and I have often gone out for breakfast and coffee and I consider her a good friend.

The blending doesn't happen quickly but it happens. Kids play together at school and become used to hanging out with people different from themselves. Maybe their parents never do but their kids might.

If you concentrate on the ways people can accept each other rather than blaming individuals for the fact they don't (according to you) yes it is very depressing. But you could organise some event via the school that all cultures will enjoy together or as happens locally here as a response to islamaphobia, a 'tea and talk' session with the deliberate intention of getting everyone together just to chat and find out that of course we're more similar as humans than we are dissimilar as muslims/ christians/ people of colour/ white people. There isn't a quick fix though or it wouldn't be a problem.

ThePlantSitter dd's school did the tea and talk thing and only the BME parents came! It became a bit of a running joke, but it was really enjoyable and was brilliant for those mums that were a bit and probably wouldn't have engaged otherwise.

*a bit shy

OP you haven't really explained why you don't think anyone but the white people in your area are 'British' and why the Bangladeshi and mixed race people you saw in the park don't come under your definition of 'local'

What I've experienced in cities in the UK, people are civil/respectful and spend time together at school, work, church or other shared activities (e.g. hobbies).

When they get along or feel they have things in common they can strengthen those bonds/form deeper friendships (without erasing their own background - whichever that was - which would not be desirable either)

What further mixing would you be aiming for OP? What would that look like?