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Original poster

Anyone else get told this?

36 replies

Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 10:47

I get told a lot that I look worried, sad, scared etc. When I'm genuinely not, it's just the way my face is and it gets me down.
Maybe it's a form of 'resting bitch face'.

I've had it all my life and just hate it when people draw attention to me for it. I've been told I 'look really nervous' by colleagues/friends etc. When I'm genuinely not.

I'm shy so this may come across, but I'm not necessarily the things they describe.

It really gets me down, I usually just reply "I'm fine thanks/I'm not don't worry" of something. Can't change my face though, does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 10:50

I was at a small pub gig once and I saw a guy making his way across the crowd to me. Thought he was coming to chat to me, but he told me "You look like you really don't want to be here."
I was actually enjoying the concert, and I was like, why did you need to come all the way here to tell me that?

OP posts:
Member984815 · 06/04/2021 10:51

Me too, people assume I am sad but I'm not or ask if I'm ok .

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 10:54

Yeah, I can understand people asking it out of concern but I hate it when they draw attention to it in front of everyone.
I don't know why I get told that I seem 'really nervous" when I actually feel calm.

Once I met up with an old friend and later he told me "I couldn't stop looking at your face, you looked really nervous"
Just felt really embarrassed and put off meeting again.
Sounds stupid but it gets me down a lot.

OP posts:
Baggingarea · 06/04/2021 10:57

Urghhhh I hate this and used to get it a lot in my 20s. It's just sexism, isn't it? It used to be "give us a smile, love" but has now morphed into today's version of insidious sexism.

Do women ever stride across a room and ask men to stop looking worried? No!

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 10:59

Yeah, it's annoying. I get it from women too that said.
Also people seem to think I'm much younger than I am, which I know isn't a bad thing but it can affect how they treat me. I'm 30 but presume when I'm 40 and older this will stop!

I started a new job and had eyebrows raided, was asked "Are you a Student?" Or "Have you just left school?"

Used to be a teacher and had students refer to me as 'cute' and 'shy'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 11:00

Eyebrows raised not raided lol!

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 06/04/2021 11:01

My ds said something similar the other day.

He asked me if he always looked sad or cross. I said no and asked why.

He said apparently people comment a lot about this.

I said I would describe his natural facial expression as thoughtful. Which maybe because I know he's always thinking and trying to suss out things?

Ds is autistic and cannot read facial expressions at all or body language and often his facial expressions don't match his time of voice or what he's saying.

Which is why I think the expression "don't judge a book by its cover" is a useful one!

itsgettingwierd · 06/04/2021 11:01

@Baggingarea

Urghhhh I hate this and used to get it a lot in my 20s. It's just sexism, isn't it? It used to be "give us a smile, love" but has now morphed into today's version of insidious sexism.

Do women ever stride across a room and ask men to stop looking worried? No!

Yes they do! My 16yo ds gets this a lot.
Returnoftheowl · 06/04/2021 11:02

I suffer from this... Unless I'm literally beaming with a massive grin and jumping up and down with joy everyone assumes I'm sad/worried/nervous.
If I was feeling any of those things then surely having this specifically and repeatedly pointed out to me is unlikely to cheer me up?!

The only thing I can think of is that the corners of my mouth are slightly downturned as I wonder if they is what makes people think I'm sad/worried/nervous. I'm genuinely not, I'm fine, and I wish people would stop trying to force me to feel how they think I feel.

PrimeraVez · 06/04/2021 11:03

I get this as well. Two years ago, I was out for lunch with a group of female friends, and one of them said to me 'are you ok? You look really sad' and it really stuck with me - I felt so embarrassed and I don't even know why?

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 11:05

I think I am on the ASD spectrum and this potentially plays a part.
I've also been told that I have 'weird facial expressions' and mannerisms which again has only served to make me even more self conscious.

I really don't know what I can do, I can't plaster a smile on my face 24/7.

OP posts:
B33Fr33 · 06/04/2021 11:05

I get this. I also get told to "smile" a lot. In guessing it's because I am not grinning like a fool all the time and sexism. It sounds like the guy at the gig was doing some sort of borderline negging chat up.

Yaty · 06/04/2021 11:08

Yes I get this, it's annoying and used to bother me when people commented. As I've got older I care less. I agree with pp it's a form of sexism, the amount of times I've been told I should smile more! It's just my face!!! Also the guy who walked over to you to make a comment is a dick. I've also always been told a look a bit younger than my age which maybe makes people feel more willing to make comments. Since having babies and having constant bags under my eyes this has calmed down a bit 😆

VladmirsPoutine · 06/04/2021 11:13

What do you look like in pictures?

Macncheeseballs · 06/04/2021 11:15

Yes it's very annoying, I have a very expressive face apparently

Itsalonghaul · 06/04/2021 11:19

It is quite rude to draw attention to it

My stock answer to any of the comments would be;

'I am great thanks - how are you?'

And shut it down, and avoid people that do this, if they genuinely cared about your feelings why draw attention to the fact you are looking sad/nervous. They are not going to feel any better with someone drawing their attention to it. Surely don't say anything and be nice to someone looking like any of those things would be the right thing to do. Jesus.

I would not give them the time of day op. Your expression seems to me a good way to filter out crappy people that you should avoid in future.

I see it as an unkind thing to do, under any circumstances.

Lipz · 06/04/2021 11:19

I've a resting bitch face. My face looks, angry, worried, sad, bad mood etc. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, it looks like this. I have to really over exaggerate a smile to just have a grin on my face.

I hate it, I've had years of comments made. I've also had strangers make comments. It use to annoy me so much that I started avoiding places and events etc as someone would always say how angry it upset I looked. I got into trouble many times in jobs for people reporting me for being angry with them, even though I would not have even opened my mouth. It seriously got me down.

I could be doing something and be really happy inside but my face never shows it. Even passing people on the street and when I think I'm smiling and saying hello, there's no smile actually there.

Over the years family and friends got use to me, we all joke about my RBF. What I do now is if I'm out, I make sure to use a hand wave to people, nothing crazy, just a quick flip up of my hand. I'm thankful for masks right now. I make sure to say something, but as I have verbal diarrhoea too 🙄 I keep it to something small like "great to see you", "lovely weather"... You can practice some movements with your face in the mirror, I find if I put my tongue in between my front teeth, obviously with lips closed as that would look a bit mental and raise my eyebrows a little, it helps just to take that angry look down a bit. Unfortunately when we are most relaxed and comfortable, our faces return to RBF.

ravenmum · 06/04/2021 11:20

@Painauchocolat189

I was at a small pub gig once and I saw a guy making his way across the crowd to me. Thought he was coming to chat to me, but he told me "You look like you really don't want to be here." I was actually enjoying the concert, and I was like, why did you need to come all the way here to tell me that?
Crap chat-up line, I had that before too!
Goleor · 06/04/2021 11:20

I used to be told I looked pissed off all the time. Constantly told by men to smile or cheer up it might never happen. Happens less now as I get older . My oh has sad looking eyes and sometimes looks a bit sad when he isnt. I'm not always great at reading faces though , so I just dont tend to comment on how peoples faces look. If I know them well I might enquire into how they are just incase.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 06/04/2021 11:22

My mum and I get this a lot. We are constantly being told to smile it might never happen. Our mouths naturally turn down 🤷🏻‍♀️

Itsalonghaul · 06/04/2021 11:22

Don't put up with it op. Why should you?

'and you came all the way over to tell me that?'
'I will take that as a compliment, it seems to work in keeping the tossers at bay'
'Are you always this observant with everyone or are you coming on to me?' Even better if he is standing next to his pregnant wife

'You are so charming and thoughtful, are you always this nice?'

I would not be accepting any bs. Your face is perfect the way it is op.

Macncheeseballs · 06/04/2021 11:23

And yes I agree it is rude to draw attention to it, I don't do it to others

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/04/2021 11:24

Are we related? It's gets very wearing I must admit.

Nicolastuffedone · 06/04/2021 11:24

I used to work beside a lady who told me I looked dreadful....meaning I looked tired/ill. Every. Single. Day. So, that was nice. Luckily, I cared not a jot!

Member984815 · 06/04/2021 11:54

Oh I forgot about an incident on a plane where a man walked up to my seat and said smile god loves you , I did not smile