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AIBU?

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Original poster

Anyone else get told this?

36 replies

Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 10:47

I get told a lot that I look worried, sad, scared etc. When I'm genuinely not, it's just the way my face is and it gets me down.
Maybe it's a form of 'resting bitch face'.

I've had it all my life and just hate it when people draw attention to me for it. I've been told I 'look really nervous' by colleagues/friends etc. When I'm genuinely not.

I'm shy so this may come across, but I'm not necessarily the things they describe.

It really gets me down, I usually just reply "I'm fine thanks/I'm not don't worry" of something. Can't change my face though, does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
IJustWantSomeBees · 06/04/2021 11:54

I really don't know what I can do, I can't plaster a smile on my face 24/7.

You don't need to do anything OP. It's your face and it looks the way it looks. No one looks smiley constantly. You're not working in customer service, you don't owe random people smiles.

I like the above reply: 'I am great thanks - how are you?'. It puts them in the spotlight instead of you and may make people who ask you this continually think twice if they're then expected to answer for themselves every time!

ginghamtablecloths · 06/04/2021 11:59

I too got this a lot when I was younger, "Cheer up, it may never happen," but hardly ever now. I was dreadfully shy and it probably showed on my face. Nowadays if it happened I'd have the self-confidence to answer back.

Newcastleteacake · 06/04/2021 12:04

I get it all the time. Drives me mad. And the other one is when I go without makeup I get asked if I'm unwell!

I've been self conscious about my looks my entire life and it just makes me feel worse.

Now when anyone comments I point out something wrong with them.

Callywalls · 06/04/2021 12:13

Yes, I have always had this too and so did my mum. She once got chatting to a neighbour for the first time, who stunned her by saying "you are really lovely, not at all what I thought you'd be like, you always look so stuck up". I've also had countless men I don't know say to me,
"cheer up love, it might never happen" to which I now give them my most disgusted look as I look them up and down and reply "It already has!"

LemonInPlay · 06/04/2021 12:15

@Baggingarea

Urghhhh I hate this and used to get it a lot in my 20s. It's just sexism, isn't it? It used to be "give us a smile, love" but has now morphed into today's version of insidious sexism.

Do women ever stride across a room and ask men to stop looking worried? No!

Actually I think this is one of the very few things like this that isn't sexist! My male partner gets it all the time.... I'm guilty of doing it to him! He's just got a face that seems to always look kind of sad, like a puppy who's been kicked. Unless he's actually laughing, even if he's having a great time, he just looks.....sad. I'm trying so hard to stop asking him if he's ok, because it is fucking annoying for him. We've been together 12 years you'd think I would know by now! Blush

Sorry you get it too.
I don't know what to suggest!

LemonInPlay · 06/04/2021 12:18

Meant to clarify...
He gets it all the time, from male and female friends, from co workers, guys down the pub.
People are always asking him if he's ok and it drives him nuts!

BobbinThreadbare123 · 06/04/2021 12:22

Same here. Used to get a lot of "you look so worried!". Nope, just my face...

Original poster
Painauchocolat189 · 06/04/2021 12:23

Thank you for the replies, it's reassuring to hear it isn't just me.
Definitely frustrating though isn't it. I like the idea of just saying, great thanks, how are you?
It's like when they point out in front of everyone that you're quiet (unless it's in private and being quiet is out of character, that is different)

2 years ago I had a summer job, there was a rather snooty manager there who met me for all of 5 minutes and then fired me by text. Apparently she said behind my back, "We can't have an inexperienced 21 year old like her working with our executive clients". I was actually 28 with several years of experience but she had neglected to check anything. Anyway the other boss reinstated me right away.

OP posts:
TheDrsDocMartens · 06/04/2021 12:26

I always get old I look nervous when I don’t feel it. Also ASD though.

DIshedUp · 06/04/2021 13:13

I get this too. Told I'm anxious or sad when I'm fine. Sometimes its genuine concern, people ask if I'm okay. Otherwise its just nobber comments about how I looked worried in a situation

I think I might just have downturned eyebrows so I look permenantly sad.

DrManhattan · 06/04/2021 20:55

Defo not just you. I've had this in pubs too. Is it just an excuse to start a conversation? Very odd if it is

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