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Still expecting basic manners or am I old school?

36 replies

Doingitmyway · 06/04/2021 09:55

Friends birthday gift was dropped off a couple of weeks early along with her child’s whose birthday it was at the time. Due to covid I thought I’d drop it at the same time in case of isolating/further restrictions etc and to save unnecessary journey.

Admittedly I didn’t drop it off (husband did) so I know it was received by her husband/child as friend wasn’t in.

Two things I’m miffed about but don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. One the child (who turned 16) didn’t send a text to say thank you, neither did my friend on their behalf. I had to text about a week later asking if her child liked the gift before I got a response. AIBU to have expected a simple thank you?

Roll forward 2 weeks to my friends birthday, I send a text wishing her happy birthday on the day to which she replies “thanks!” Thought nothing much of that and thought she’ll be opening her cards and gifts later so maybe hasn’t opened my gift yet. Heard nothing more from her. Then today on Facebook (day after her birthday) I see she’s thanking various people for their gifts and posting photos of what she’s had and nothing about me or my gift. I’m really disappointed/annoyed by this, I’m not fussed about not being included in the FB message but a simple text to say thank you for her card/gift. AIBU? She can do it for others but not me. What do you guys think and what should I do? I don’t want to fall out over something like this but if someone gives my child £1 I say thank you or they do.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/04/2021 09:57

Has she actually received them or has her Husband put them somewhere and forgot about them?


VodkaSlimline · 06/04/2021 10:09

Message her "hope you had a good birthday! Did you like your present?"

Then never get her or her DC a present again. Rude ungrateful ratbags.


Doingitmyway · 06/04/2021 10:37

On the day the presents were dropped off I received a message saying sorry she missed my husband and that her husband had laughed and said how organised I was as he’d not even thought about his wife’s birthday yet so I assumed she knew that her gift was there

OP posts:

Spied · 06/04/2021 10:40

Very rude.
I'd not be making any effort for her or her dd's Birthday next year.
Be interesting to see if you receive a gift.


Returnoftheowl · 06/04/2021 10:41

It is rude. I'd deal with this by not buying either of them gifts again, as they don't seem interested or grateful for them.


WhatATimeToBeAlive · 06/04/2021 10:48

YANBU, simple manners cost nothing. I would text her and say "just checking you got my gift OK?". And as PP said, don't bother again.


Foxyloxy1plus1 · 06/04/2021 10:50

I’ve just tracked a gift I sent to see if it arrived. Apparently it did, but I’ve not had an acknowledgement from the recipient.


velvetstar · 06/04/2021 10:54

I give a gift because I hope it will make the person feel happy and cared for. I don't do it to receive a thank you.

If someone has time to say thank you then great, but quite frankly people are busy and are usually juggling a lot. I know they'll have been happy opening a gift I gave them. I have no desire to add to their to do list.

I certainly wouldn't be getting cross waiting for a thank you from them.


sirfredfredgeorge · 06/04/2021 10:57

I don't do it to receive a thank you

You're clearly in a minority, the only reason to give gifts is to find out if your friends and loved ones manners are up the standard you expect, anything else is frightfully wasteful.


BrumBoo · 06/04/2021 11:01

Depends, did anyone say Thank You at the time of dropping off the gift? Either to your face or through text? In my opinion that should be enough


HeddaGarbled · 06/04/2021 11:06

So if she is thanking other people, it’s not lack of manners, it’s something else specific to you. Could be an oversight, could be deliberate. Don’t over-react yet. Wait and watch.


SunIsComing · 06/04/2021 11:06

Do you get a present from her?


Dailyhandtowelwash · 06/04/2021 11:07

A grown adult itemised her birthday presents with pictures on Facebook? What it is the world coming to/


Doingitmyway · 06/04/2021 11:16

Yes me and my child usually get a present from her and I always say thank you or ensure my child says thank you. Our birthdays are later in the year.

So if you read my original post, you’ll see that other people were thanked but not me

OP posts:

Doingitmyway · 06/04/2021 11:20

I think it’s irrelevant if her husband had said thank you when the gift was dropped off, it wasn’t for him and my friend wasn’t there to receive it. If she’d been there and said thank you then fine, although surely after you open a gift it’s nice to hear that it was well received (even if they don’t like it). Although I always try to get something special for them that I know they like

OP posts:

CookieMumsters · 06/04/2021 11:22

So if you read my original post, you’ll see that other people were thanked but not me

This would make me think she's forgotten, rather than being someone who doesn't say thank you. Either, she thinks she said thanks at the time, or she's forgotten about the gift because she opened it early.

I value good manners, but I couldn't fall out with a friend over a one time thing.


Tinydinosaur · 06/04/2021 11:29

I'd check that she received yours. He'll have put it away somewhere and might have forgotten it.
It's basic manners to reply "thank you for my present" when someone text you happy birthday.


KarenMarlow3 · 06/04/2021 11:30

It is not unreasonable to expect good manners. I once posted a similar thread and lots of people said, 'you shouldn't give a gift with the expectation of being thanked, because it's like giving a gift with strings attached.'
I absolutely disagree with this. There are no strings attached by expecting an acknowledgement of a gift. Even if the recipient doesn't actually like the gift, it's still polite to say thank you.
Today especially, it's so easy to text a quick 'thank you.'
I would be annoyed too, especially if I saw others being thanked.


Jangle33 · 06/04/2021 11:32

Presents should be about giving them, not waiting around for a thank you !


user1471538283 · 06/04/2021 11:37

I am very placid but not when it comes to manners. That would be it for me, no more gifts.


SamW98 · 06/04/2021 11:41

No you're not being unreasonable. A text thank you takes 30 seconds - there is no one who is too busy to not be able to find that time to be polite when you've made an effort for them

I wouldn't bother with even a card next time


Abouttimemum · 06/04/2021 11:53

I’ve just written thank you notes for all of the people who sent gifts for DS 2nd birthday. It’s common courtesy to say thank you, it takes nothing to send a text. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t.

One of my DH friends sent him over a card and gift for his birthday back in Feb and I popped it in a drawer in the spare room. I actually forgot about it and it was 2 days after his birthday when I saw it. I sent his friend a text immediately apologising, and made sure DH was sure to thank him - which he does anyway. With the benefit of doubt, something like this might have happened?


AlexaNeverListens · 06/04/2021 12:12

YANBU. That's really quite rude.

I always say thank you for gifts and ensure my DCs write thank you letters to anyone they didn't say thank you in person to.

Basic manners IMO. Are you sure your friend actually got the gift and her DH hasn't forgotten to give it to her?


Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 06/04/2021 12:18

I would expect a thank you from either parent or child too. Same with other gift.

People do seem much more rude now. I think there is more entitled behaviour these days.


toffeebutterpopcorn · 06/04/2021 12:19

I’ve given up.

I have never received a thank you from my brother or his (adult) daughter for Christmas presents (unless we are actually there on Christmas Day - we always send presents if we aren’t there and never get any sent to us!).

This year I send (expensive) gifts to my sister, her (adult) children and her grandchild (and the children of her kids boyfriend - I’ve met them once). I heard second hand that the presents went down well (my sister sent me a message).

I give up! It costs a bloody fortune to courier things abroad - even a Facebook ‘ta’ would be something!

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