To think living within your means has become the exception?

[SmokeyApo]

Hi all, I just wanted to share some observations and hear other people's inputs.

It seems to me that is becoming more and more rare for people to live within their means and try to save a little money for a rainy day. In my circles I know many people on good and even great salaries, that lead seemingly extremely expensive lifestyles and don't save a penny, or even go into debt to afford extravagant holidays or cars.

A good friend of mine is a senior executive in tech, makes an absolute fortune and had to ask around his friends (me included) to borrow money when he bought a house last year, because he couldn't cover the down payment. Another friend of mine got divorced last year, both spouses on really excellent wages, and it turned out that they had almost no assets to share after being married for 15 years because they had spent everything they got.

I am starting to wonder if I live in a bubble of financial irresponsibility or if this phenomenon is widespread. AIBU to think that saving and being mindful with money has become the exception rather than the rule?

We live within our means, as do all our friends and family (as far as we know). No debt apart from mortgage. We do have credit cards but pay them off in full every month.

We are high earners though and both work FT. I think it’s a hell of a lot easier to live within your means when your means are generous.

I don’t have much in the way of savings but apart from mortgage no debts either
Most of my furniture is second hand and I prefer to buy a car outright and keep it for as long as possible
Any spare money goes on travel and experiences as that’s what I enjoy most and work hard for

I think it’s a hell of a lot easier to live within your means when your means are generous.

👆🏻This!!

Yes I do wonder where some people get there money from.

Friends in similar paid jobs to DP & I with massive houses, brand new cars and expensive holidays. We’re balking at the idea of spending £40k on a much needed loft conversion and they are talking about buying a £1m houses......wtf? Where is all this money coming from?

I have some savings but only enough to get us out of a tricky situation with a boiler but that’s it.

Dont know about that, most of my friends are struggling to just pay sky high cornish rent prices and we all get a lot from charity shops, lidl groceries and old cars etc. Debt would only make life harder

After getting out of my marriage with barely anything (long story!) I never wanted to be in a situation again where I had nothing left from week to week, and nothing at all to fall back on. I scrimped to pay off the credit card, then when it was gone I started putting what I was paying on that in a savings account, which built a small buffer. Last year I committed to putting £20 each week in another savings account, and by the end of the year I had £1000 without really feeling I’d missed out. I’m not on a high income at all, but nothing I could buy would mean more than the feeling of security my rainy day fund gives me. I was able to dip into it when I needed to replace my car (I bought a secondhand one outright) and know I could help one of my young adult children if they needed it.

We have always lived within our means -we are a couple in 60’s now. Live in North London -but there is no way my children who work in public sector jobs can ever afford to buy where they grew up -what is the answer?

@Mustfly - totally agree. Not sure why people see debt as a moral failure. We earn £100k between us and I use Klarna, Clearpay and interest free credit whenever possible. If you know it’s well within your budget to pay it back why wouldn’t you? We have an old car but pay school fees and my husband spends inordinate amounts on food but we have secure jobs and don’t see the point in saving lots and living miserably.

@Babyroobs

I agree - young people seem to want everything immediately- I have a 25 year old friend she has had the massive wedding and the baby now it's the 4 bedroom immaculate house with double garage, plus foreign holidays, plus meals out and numerous weekends away. Everything is based on stretching themselves and huge loans that end up being stressful, every aspect of her life planned out for the next 20 years . I just couldn't live like that .We are 50+ and still striving for the immaculate house which will most likely never happen.

My partner and I are both 25 and save around 1/3 of our salaries every month - and we still manage to have meals out, takeaways, holidays and a nice house. I'm on a pretty average salary too.

I only know one person my age who has significant debt (bar student loans). Not sure why people always assume others are in debt to have nice things.

Obviously some people will live within their means but as credit is easily available ( though not as easily as it was 10 years ago) and there is a culture of buy now pay later many people don't.
Lots of people seem to drive new cars, have fab holidays, have latest tech and immaculate homes, so I think its harder somehow to have less, much easier when everyone is in the same boat and drives an old banger etc. I do sometimes wonder how people can afford it, i have friends who have been fortunate to have financial help or gifts from family and also friends that have a lot on credit cards or several loans, but actually I think big credit card debt might be less common than it was a few years ago, when it was usual to be offered huge credit limits on credit cards and offers popped unsolicited through your letter box several times month.
Living within your means can be challenging when you have a family and a lot of commitments, much easier when.you are single or a couple with no kids. Theres more pressure now, if my parents couldn't afford something we wouldnt get it but thats not usually the case now credit is available.

Shrodinger - a nurse spending £1k a month on rent needs to move somewhere more affordable.
I don’t think anyone would judge those who don’t have the means to save. That’s not who the op means. I do judge those who have the means to save but choose to piss it up a wall. And then whinge when the pay cheque doesn’t roll in as normal / expected.
The poor plan for the weekend, wealthy people plan for the next generation.

I don't understand this. If we can't afford something, we go without it. Is it a generation thing?

@Jaxhog

I don't understand this. If we can't afford something, we go without it. Is it a generation thing?

I think so. We live within our means. We are in our 60s.

I agree with everything you say about generating money for the wealthy. But they can only get our money if we give it to them?
Think of the people who are completely pointless to society. The K family. I’m not even going to attempt to spell it . They make money because poor people want to emulate their lifestyle. They encourage them to spend money they can’t afford on shit they don’t need to attempt to look like people who don’t actually exist. It’s like a real life hunger games.
There’s an excellent episode in Black mirror which touches on the concept of working constantly to buy crap you don’t need. Imagine working 80/90 hour weeks to buy a house which you never have time to ‘live ‘ in .

@Jaxhog I wouldn't say generational more attitude based. DH and I are late 20s (me)/early 30s (him). So probably the age group a lot of people on here are talking about.

If we can't afford something we just don't get it. We save a lot regularly and have a set amount we like to have in savings as a minimum to get us by for around 6 months if we both lost our income. If savings are above that, we buy what we want when we want it. If not, we don't get it.

@Jaxhog another early 30s here who go without and save. Definitely not a generation thing rather than an upbringing. Probably keeping up with the Jones kids

I'm a saver now, though I wish I'd started earlier! I've never been in serious debt though. At most a couple of thousand on a credit card, which was always paid off. I'm lucky that we bought our first house in the 80s, and never overstretched ourselves. Because of personal circumstances (disability), when we moved house we planned to be here a long time, and took the mortgage out over 15 years instead of another 25. Again, we were lucky to be able to do that because we live in the north and house prices aren't crazy.

I've always paid cash for my (second hand) cars, and we don't spend much on clothes, don't drink much or smoke. I've never felt deprived though, and I think we've got a very good standard of living.

I have a former colleague who is atrocious with money. She is a few years younger than me, and has been single for most of the time I've known her. She used to spend vast amounts on holidays, clothes, cars and meals out. But she always rented, which never made sense to me, as in theory she should have been able to afford to buy (north of England, decent salary). But she still posts on social media about what she has bought, thinks nothing of spending £400 on boots or £800 on a handbag. Yet recently she is worried because she is having to move yet again as her landlord wants to sell. She has stated she has no savings for a deposit, yet she must have blown thousands over the years. I would be sick with worry living like that.

@ConsuelaHammock

Shrodinger - a nurse spending £1k a month on rent needs to move somewhere more affordable. I don’t think anyone would judge those who don’t have the means to save. That’s not who the op means. I do judge those who have the means to save but choose to piss it up a wall. And then whinge when the pay cheque doesn’t roll in as normal / expected. The poor plan for the weekend, wealthy people plan for the next generation.

Nail on head. Other than having some money spare in the first place , the single biggest factor is whether you have the ability to delay gratification. Lets take Nurses I know plenty , who have lived either with DP or in a room and bought their own houses. They work extra shifts, pack lunch and save.

Some use of credit ( Lol at it used to be called debt, so true !) is needed to get your credit score up but all these people with buy now pay later is madness.
Lets take the sofas on 0%
The price of these is massively inflated .
If you save and wait you can snap up a bargain which is usually much better quality .
My sofa was reduced from 1.5 K down to £250.
Tiny marks on the back which came off easily.
So Im £1.250 up and still have a nice sofa.
My DS and his GF stalked FB and got their sofa for £100, couple moving, it was too big for their room.
This idea that we must be absolutely miserable is ridiculous and just a justification for people to spend money they dont have.
No one who has money saved for a rainy day and no debt is going to be sad about it , over someone who is broke and drowning in debt.

Shrodinger - a nurse spending £1k a month on rent needs to move somewhere more affordable.

Expensive areas will still need people doing low paid jobs though. Imagine the amount of retail or hospitality workers living in London or other expensive cities, or carers, a nurse on 25k probably well off compared to them. They cant all move somewhere cheaper.

I had saving ingrained in me, by my parents. When I lost my job in 2010, it was my savings that kept my head above water. I was so grateful my parents had ingrained on me the importance of saving.

Yanbu.

Shrodinger, great post.
Consuela, £1000 rent is fairly standard in my city. If said nurse had a child and required more than one bedroom, she would pay significantly more.
I'm a scrimper and saver, but I am always aware that this is a massive privilege, and only made possible because I am in a partnership with a person who shares my financial values, bought a tiny doer-upper on a bleak estate years ago and only ever buy second hand stuff.

And geography is a big deal. I have recently been wondering what I could afford to buy for me and the DC on my public sector salary were I to leave my partner, taking half the equity in our house and savings. In my city, not much, even if I look for a flat instead of a house, forego having my own bedroom and for the DC to share. If I look 2 hours north, I could either buy somewhere very modest outright (!) or somewhere suitable (small 3 bed) with an affordable mortgage. Many northern houses in my range also appear really nicely done up; houses down here for 100k more still look like serious doer-uppers. It's been a revelation, as I've only ever lived in the south. I wouldn't move DC 2h away from their dad, so we're staying put for now.

Oh wow I didn't realize the thread had ballooned up so much!

Thank you all for your interesting perspectives. A lot of food for thought.

Just to clarify, my OP was not about people who didn't save because they couldn't due to low wages.

I live in Switzerland where salaries are very high, especially for corporate jobs. The people I was mentioning in my OP were on well beyond £250/300k household income, and yet, nothing to show for it. That is what baffles me!

@Jaxhog

I don't understand this. If we can't afford something, we go without it. Is it a generation thing?

No. We live within our means. We are in our 30’s.