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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toy boy and age gaps

51 replies

DeniseatEaster · 04/04/2021 11:53

I’m 39 years old and last year I split up from my long term boyfriend with things ending on a sour note.

I was in a really bad place filled with spite, anger and loneliness and it was just an awful period of my life. In anger at my ex I downloaded a dating app after drinking to find someone to have a rebound with.

I got chatting to this attractive 25 year old during lockdown in my angry state as I wouldn’t ever consider this had my head been in the right place.

We have been chatting for a two months now and it was fine during lockdown when meeting wasn’t a possibility but now it’s coming to an end I am thinking of asking him to dinner at mine.

AIBU?

There is no future in this relationship and I feel a little guilty with the age gap.

However I also feel after being mistreated in my last relationship it would do me a lot of good. Also he’s an adult and has been very open about the fact he’s happy to have a more sexual relationship as opposed to a ‘real’ relationship.

OP posts:
Chocolatehead90 · 04/04/2021 12:10

I say go for it if you are both open about what the relationship actually is. This man is just that, a man.

The spite you have towards your ex won’t be solved by this fling but it will help move you on from him.

gannett · 04/04/2021 12:12

No need to feel guilty. You're not misleading him and it sounds like you're both on the same page. It'll hopefully be a casual fun fling that'll do you a lot of good. Enjoy!

cookiecreampie · 04/04/2021 12:23

I think it's fine if you both go into it with realistic expectations. It is a pretty big gap but if you're both happy with the arrangement then it won't do any harm. The only real risk is that it could lead to more and then one gets hurt because of the age gap. But I think you should go for it. Younger men are more fun and sexier, no surprise my husband is a few years younger than me.

Chocolateismakingmefat · 04/04/2021 12:24

I was 41 and dh 31 when we met. Nearly 9 years now. Married nearly 6!!

TheSeventhFriend · 04/04/2021 12:28

The age difference isn’t creepy DO IT.

I’m married and I love my husband but his body isn’t great and if I ever separated I would love to date someone younger and in shape.

A separation and a lockdown means your entitled to some fun. I say get him in the bedroom ASAP and enjoy.

EmilyfromSussex · 04/04/2021 12:46

The only issue here is becoming attached to someone you seem to think a future with is impossible.

I would love to be in your position but sadly I am not so attractive that I have 25 year olds buzzing around me. All guys these days seem to love sending pictures, if you are both comfortable I say ask him for some pictures without clothes on and let his body make the decision (yes I am jealous).

Original poster
DeniseatEaster · 04/04/2021 12:48

@cookiecreampie

I think it's fine if you both go into it with realistic expectations. It is a pretty big gap but if you're both happy with the arrangement then it won't do any harm. The only real risk is that it could lead to more and then one gets hurt because of the age gap. But I think you should go for it. Younger men are more fun and sexier, no surprise my husband is a few years younger than me.
Is it a similar age gap?
OP posts:
Original poster
DeniseatEaster · 04/04/2021 12:50

Most people seem to be for it which is pleasing. I think I will give it a go

OP posts:
Steptoeshorse1965 · 04/04/2021 12:51

Go for it, don't defer the chance of possible happiness, 8yr age gap between me and my significant other, we have been together over 20yrs. It will be what it will be, give it a try, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 04/04/2021 12:54

Of course it’s fine you’re both grownups and it’s just some fun.

Meowchickameowmeow · 04/04/2021 12:55

My husband is 16 years younger than me, we've been together for 15 years.
You don't know absolutely that there is no future in this relationship.

Original poster
DeniseatEaster · 04/04/2021 12:55

@EmilyfromSussex

The only issue here is becoming attached to someone you seem to think a future with is impossible.

I would love to be in your position but sadly I am not so attractive that I have 25 year olds buzzing around me. All guys these days seem to love sending pictures, if you are both comfortable I say ask him for some pictures without clothes on and let his body make the decision (yes I am jealous).

I wouldn’t ask for pictures but we were FaceTiming last week and he had to go for a shower. He undressed for me while on FaceTime right down to his boxers and although it was a bit silly it was fun and exciting. My life hasn’t been fun or exciting in a very long time.
OP posts:
Original poster
DeniseatEaster · 04/04/2021 12:56

@Meowchickameowmeow
What age were you when you met?

OP posts:
Anon778833 · 04/04/2021 13:00

Some 25 year olds are quite mature. 14 year gap is not very much really.

Meowchickameowmeow · 04/04/2021 13:03

I was 36.

MissConductUS · 04/04/2021 13:07

If he undressed for you on Facetime he certainly seems comfortable with the idea. I don't see any harm in what you are considering.

Chocolatehead90 · 04/04/2021 13:12

@MissConductUS

If he undressed for you on Facetime he certainly seems comfortable with the idea. I don't see any harm in what you are considering.
This.

Also If the genders were reversed I doubt a man would consider not pursuing a 25 year old.

Enjoy yourself, I hope you have fun!

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/04/2021 13:16

I think as long as you are honest with him that you are not looking for a long term relationship/moving in together etc. then it's fineSmile

He's only young at 25 but he is old enough to know what he's doing so why not!

cookiecreampie · 04/04/2021 13:25

There are 5 years between my husband and me. He was only 25 when we got together though and I had kids so I initially thought it was a casual thing but we fell in love and everything worked out. I've dated men in their 40s and I've always been bored by them.

Original poster
DeniseatEaster · 04/04/2021 13:35

@Meowchickameowmeow

I was 36.
Were you hesitant at all or did you accept it right away?
OP posts:
SplendidSuns1000 · 04/04/2021 13:40

I'm 22, My husband is 37. It works for us! Don't think too much of his age, try to keep an open mind. He's 25 so unlikely to be immature or wasting your time and it seems you've been getting along well for a while. Good luck with it!

LadyLolaRuben · 04/04/2021 13:44

So long as you are both open and honest with each other, do what makes you happy. After everything you've been through, you deserve it

Meowchickameowmeow · 04/04/2021 13:52

Were you hesitant at all or did you accept it right away?

I was very hesitant at first, but the more I got to know him and the more fun we had together it became something I didn't give a second thought to. We work extremely well as a couple, we've had some judgement of course but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter in the slightest what other people think.

brushlaptop · 04/04/2021 13:56

Do whatever you want!

OlderWoman80 · 04/04/2021 14:11

I was 36 when I met a 23 year old man. It's now 7 years later and we are happily married with a 1 year old.

Age is completely irrelevant here. Many men will be immature but a few will be mature beyond their years.

The issue is what you both want from the relationship and how straightforward and honest you are with each other in your communication. That's all.