AIBU to think this is odd?

[NoJazzHandsHere]

DH manages a large team of people. A few individuals in the team are going through a tricky time so he is trying to be supportive. However in one case he has started using his personal email address to exchange emails (person concerned is female) also using her personal email address as she is not at work at the moment. Emails are largely about her work situation but there are some pleasantries and there are a few emails about personal stuff such as what they are doing at the weekend. I don’t understand why he started contacting her via his personal email. He says I am being ridiculous.

AIBU?

So you've read all of these emails? Why?

I'm not allowed to use my work email when I'm not working. It's part of our union contract.

He asked me to check his email account for something and I saw them and read them. Not all of them. Just the last two exchanges.

@NoJazzHandsHere

He asked me to check his email account for something and I saw them and read them. Not all of them. Just the last two exchanges.

Why would you do that?

It depends on the situation tbh

Some people are careful about what they will say in personal emails

@steff13 That’s interesting! He doesn’t have that kind of contract and can use his work email at any time.

@Sparklingbrook He’d asked me to check for something in his account which had attachments. It was an odd email address, with attachments, so I thought that could be it. It had attachments where she had sent a photo of herself and her friend at a local beauty spot.

I have had sensitive/personal situations and have texted my manager on her personal phone (with her agreement) because I was worried that other managers could possibly access work emails etc. I didn't want anyone else to possibly know.

If he wants you looking at his other emails to check stuff he's not bothered. What are you worried about?

And yes I know that reading personal emails is crap of me.

@Sparklingbrook That makes perfect sense. In his workplace people can’t access each other’s emails so confidentiality is not an issue.

[quote NoJazzHandsHere]@Sparklingbrook That makes perfect sense. In his workplace people can’t access each other’s emails so confidentiality is not an issue.[/quote]
I think in most workplaces if higher managers wanted to they could access other's work emails and look at them.

What are you worried about?

I guess I am just worried that he started an email exchange with this person via his personal email address taking the professional relationship into personal territory. I know he feels sorry for her and he tries to support his staff team a lot. There is no way my manager would be contacting me via his personal email address, that I do know!

@NoJazzHandsHere

I guess I am just worried that he started an email exchange with this person via his personal email address taking the professional relationship into personal territory. I know he feels sorry for her and he tries to support his staff team a lot. There is no way my manager would be contacting me via his personal email address, that I do know!

I would be pleased he was showing compassion to colleagues going through a tough time. I am guessing if the colleague was male you wouldn't bat an eyelid?

If he had anything to hide he'd not be wanting you looking at his emails full stop. What did he say when he found out you had read them?

Thank you @Sparklingbrook, I appreciate your perspective.

I think my concern comes from the fact that some years ago his organisation raised the issue of poor boundaries with him. I’m wondering if this is more of the same. He wants to be helpful of people going through a tough time, yes, which is great but taking it into personal messaging territory is my concern. Had this all been through work emails I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

He is furious I saw them. Refusing to speak to me. Says I am getting in the way of his friendships.

Says I am getting in the way of his friendships.

I do think that's a little weird. The emailing, not so much. My supervisor and I contact one another outside of work via text.

@NoJazzHandsHere

Thank you *@Sparklingbrook*, I appreciate your perspective.

I think my concern comes from the fact that some years ago his organisation raised the issue of poor boundaries with him. I’m wondering if this is more of the same. He wants to be helpful of people going through a tough time, yes, which is great but taking it into personal messaging territory is my concern. Had this all been through work emails I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

He is furious I saw them. Refusing to speak to me. Says I am getting in the way of his friendships.

It's ok, I was just thinking he's hardly going to ask you to log into his emails if he had anything to hide.

The poor boundaries thing is a bit of a concern, but I don't think a bit of small talk in a personal email is that, and his work will not know.

Tell him you won't look again (or tell him to change his password) but also say you are worried about the previous boundary thing and that his kind nature could be taken advantage of.

@steff13 I agree. Thank you for your perspective. He’s having to support other people but isn’t exchanging emails with them. I know every team member is different and needs different support levels but it just hit a nerve.

@sparklingbrook Yes that is what I should have said! Exactly. People have taken advantage in the past and it got very very messy. I saw the emails and thought ‘Here we go again’. She did flatter his ego in the email to be honest, telling him how great he is at his job etc.

My phone switches email accounts all the time, so I accidentally send work emails from my personal account. Could this of happened and they just carried ok the thread?

That said, if he asked you to check something and you read the e-mails then you've breached his privacy. There's really only 3 ways to resolve this:

1. Tell him you've seen the e-mails and it's made you feel uncomfortable
2. Continue to read the e-mail to assuage your suspicions of anything nefarious - but the flip side of this is it might get the better of you
3. Leave it be and put it down to the fact he is supporting his colleague in a difficult time

@VladmirsPoutine

That said, if he asked you to check something and you read the e-mails then you've breached his privacy. There's really only 3 ways to resolve this:

1. Tell him you've seen the e-mails and it's made you feel uncomfortable
2. Continue to read the e-mail to assuage your suspicions of anything nefarious - but the flip side of this is it might get the better of you
3. Leave it be and put it down to the fact he is supporting his colleague in a difficult time

He already knows she's read them and they're not speaking.

It does sound a bit odd; I can’t imagine sending my married male manager a picture of me at a Beauty spot and what you say about the boundaries makes me wonder if it’s become a bit blurred.

Very inappropriate and crossing boundaries as he’s a manager to her.

Apologies - didn't see the follow up. I'd be annoyed if someone read my e-mails too.

@VladmirsPoutine

Apologies - didn't see the follow up. I'd be annoyed if someone read my e-mails too.

Yes, if DH said could you quickly check an email (I don't actually know his password) I wouldn't be reading all of his others.

In his workplace people can’t access each other’s emails so confidentiality is not an issue.

I'm pretty sure that in every workplace there is an option for emails to a work address to be found on a server and used eg in a dispute or FOI request, so if he is supporting her with something sensitive then it is safer for both of them to take it outside work emails and use personal ones.