Are some people just unlikeable
Wanttobehappy123 · 03/04/2021 22:40
Just reflecting on my life and I’ve came to the conclusion that
Generally people don’t like me and I am an extremely unlikeable person.
I am recovering from cancer and I never get texts from The few friend’s I have or work colleagues asking how I am. My in-laws would actively avoid me, they never visit our home and would practically hide behind a lamppost to avoid having to
Chat. If they have our kids they put the coats on them when they see me coming up The path to speed up the leaving process, I don’t blame them.
I met 2 of my child’s teachers this week Out and about and both of them turned away
To Avoid speaking to me. I don’t have a history of Annoying them asking them questions about my child outside of school and in fact I never have had any issue to raise with them Ever in school, all I expected was a head nod as we passed. It hurt my feelings.
I feel sad when I see a
Of mothers from my child’s class socialising and having fun together. I wish it could be me.
People find me boring and Uninteresting to speak to I’m sure of it and I have always been this way. I feel sorry for
My husband I’m really dragging him down socially. Pity party over
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
therestissilence · 03/04/2021 22:50
When I was a lot younger I was really shy, and it took me a long time to realise that I was putting out 'arrogant' vibes as a defence, which led to a lot of people not approaching me (I certainly didn't feel arrogant - quite the opposite!) Turns out that all that time when I was afraid of people, they were actually afraid of me. That was just me, though. I guess my point is, sometimes we come across in a way entirely different to the way we perceive ourselves.
Whatisthisfuckery · 03/04/2021 22:56
Unless you eradicate evil OP, I mean give people the cold shivers, I very much doubt it’s because you’re unlikable.
I have had these thoughts about myself, and after years of reflection and a fair bit of therapy I’ve realised that people don’t gravitate towards me because
- I’m quite self contained.
2. I expect people not to want to speak to me so I dont put myself forward.
3. People are usually in their own world so not taking any notice of anyone else anyway.
4. A lot of the casual interaction you see is pretty superficial and the people who you think are friends with each other probably wouldn’t be there for each other in a storm.
5. I’m actually afraid to follow up on friendly advances because of 2.
SheldonesqueIsAlmostHuman · 03/04/2021 22:57
I’m a little shadow on the outskirts. I’m fine there but I think I am an acquired taste and I am a bit of a loner these days. I’m not sure if any tuppence I have is pertinent but I didn’t want to pass by your post as you sound as though you’re hurting.
I’m wondering if people feel awkward in case they say the wrong thing to you while you are recovering? It doesn’t excuse it but it might explain it.
I wish your husband hadn’t said that to you either. He should be supporting you. Yes your illness will have affected your whole family but YOU need love and support more now than ever.
Try not to spiral down. I’m not sure what to say to make it better and others may offer far more useful advice but you need to be kinder to yourself. You are recovering and you should be your focus.
I wish you happier times ahead flower 🌻
Somethingsnappy · 03/04/2021 23:00
One thing I've learned over my many years of social interaction, is that people are mostly just focused on themselves. So, for example, they may wrongly interpret somebody else's shyness to be a sign of unfriendliness towards themselves. Are you shy OP?
ILoveSlipperss · 03/04/2021 23:01
I know how you feel I have been thinking about this recently too. I’m unlikable. I’m sure of it.
- I’m loud, and always winding people up and cracking jokes.
2. I’m argumentative and quite negative
3. I say things to please people
4. I can be a bit of a know it all and show off.
5. My temper is awful
I don’t even like myself, I have tried to change and I can’t this is who I am. In exactly like my parents but my mom has loads of friends. I get my negativity from her. I’m not a bad person I’d do anything for anyone. I’m so sad deep down and lonely
BeenHereForAges · 03/04/2021 23:04
You dont come across as an unlikable person at all OP.
The teachers were rude.
The other mums might just gel better with each other, it happens.
You dont sound like the problem with your in laws to be honest, they sound bat shit.
Happy Easter to you, do something which makes you happy this weekend
Wide · 03/04/2021 23:09
@therestissilence totally agree! I've always felt people thought I was stuck up when really I was the shy one and also there used to be a girl at my work and I would think why doesn't she really speak does she think she's better than us but turns out she was also shy.
OP i wouldn't take it personal at all, I sometimes see people out and avoid them it's just awkward making small talk etc maybe people don't know what to say about the illness aswel.
Please believe people are mostly interested in themselves and are not focused on you, that's what I tell myself
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 03/04/2021 23:26
Perhaps the teachers didn't recognize you (did you have a mask on) or just didn't want to stop and chat- I've found often my children's teachers don't seem to know me out of the school context, whereas if I'm with one of the children, they will usually say hi.
I think you are telling yourself a story that appears plausible, but you could easily tell yourself a different one. I have never been popular at school, or at the school gate when my children grew up, just not a big group person, so I tend to find that one other mum on their own and chat to them, and I have work colleagues I get on with really well.
Your friends might be struggling a bit to know what to say about the cancer, perhaps you could take the lead by texting them a bit to let them know how you are getting on. In an ideal world, they would check in without asking frequently, in the real world, having gone through a traumatic time, I noticed although some people did do that, often others did not. I am able to accept that not everyone has the same to give at all times- so if there's one person who texts, take that as a win. Do you text them a lot to find out how they are- it's been a very stressful time for everyone lately? I always wanted to be a good friend to others even when I had my own troubles and I think that pays off.
What I mean is- most people could gather evidence of being 'unlikeable' in some form or another, someone not looking at them/running away in the street, friends not always texting, feeling left out of the big mum group- but that's often not the whole truth of what's happening. These types of things happen to everyone, and it's whether you ruminate on them and kind of make them worse, or whether you look for the positives in your work colleagues/friendships that makes a big difference.
NotEver0 · 03/04/2021 23:43
You sound lovely,dont worry about other people!keep showing your love and happiness for your children and husband and keep smiling always,this in itself is such a beautiful welcoming site,you have so much to be grateful for,dont worry about other peoples perceptions.wishing you good health xx
hellywelly3 · 03/04/2021 23:48
I feel a bit like you too. I’m the friend/acquaintance that everyone forgets about I think. I get on really well with people in the work place. I was a mature student and it was fine when I was there but once I finished people just seem to forget about me. With the mums at school I can make small talk to but I don’t really get invited to things. Like people who came to our wedding don’t invite us to there large wedding or birthday party etc. I’m not the friend someone would text to see how I am. The same with family it’s always me contacting them. Someone once said it’s probably because people think you’re doing ok and don’t need help or checking in with. As I’ve got older I’ve just come to accept that I’m on my own but I’m really lonely. I think they’re are lots of people that feel the same.
Workinghardeveryday · 03/04/2021 23:50
Hi op. Sorry you are feeling this way and you have been poorly.
Don’t let your mates bring you down because they haven’t bothered getting in touch, yes not very kind at all.
People can be very self centred especially in these times, doesn’t help I know but maybe that’s why.
Well you sound lovely to me and anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you! X
QueenValentina · 03/04/2021 23:51
I think you sound lovely, OP. I'm sorry to hear you've been unwell and I hope you are recovering well now.
I am the same; I think people just don't 'take' to me. I'm lucky that I have a few close friends that do make an effort, but I find it's more people I come across that don't like me.
For example in a shop an assistant might be serving someone before me, and be all nice and friendly and chatty to them, then when it's my turn they don't say a word or even smile, even though I'm always friendly and polite.
A couple of years ago my DH and I went on a night out with his friend, his friend's wife and some of their other couple friends. The friend's wife was already good friends with all the other women of course, and they were just all so bitchy to me for the whole night. Whilst I feel that someone else would just have been welcomed into their group for the night.
It's just things like this, and it's so hurtful isn't it?
Your in-laws sound really rude; could your husband have a word with them about it? My parents used to be like that with me, and I've cut them off now for a variety of reasons but this reason is one of them. You could consider cutting your in-laws off if they're not at least prepared to be polite and make a bit of small talk with you?
Kenshi · 04/04/2021 00:00
I feel like this sometimes too. I get on well with people but I'm not particularly close to anyone,I don't even have a partner currently. It gets me down at times but I know that it's not because there's something unforgivable about me as a person, it's a bunch of different things (for me it's been a mix of having moved around the country frequently for a few years and also the pandemic). Try not to worry too much about people not liking you, and focus instead on what you enjoy both in life and other people. It will hopefully get you to relax in social situations so you can make some positive connections with people when the opportunities arrive. We all get paranoid at times it's totally normal but helpful if you can gently move yourself on from such thinking.
MyNameForToday1980 · 04/04/2021 00:12
Sure, some people are harder to get to know than others. And some people give off a vibe (both unfriendliness and neediness are pretty unattractive in a potential friend).
But I'd hazard a guess that you're taking this too much to heart, and that it's simply that people get embroiled in their own lives, and don't really see what's going on around them.
Is there a backstory with you in-laws, or could it just be that be used you've both kept your distance from each other for so long, it's just become second nature to presume you want to grab the kids and dash?
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