Chid contact - is EOW and half the holidays fair if...

[OppsUpsSide]

One parent works normal office hours and the other parent works term time only?

IF the EOW parent is the one who works through the holidays I think it would be grossly unfair to restrict their contact further by not allowing them half the holidays. But there are a whole lot of details missing here

If in the UK they probably get 4-6 weeks holiday they can use, plus unpaid. Or they could ask their company for flexibility (eg term time working / work from home) so they can maximise time spent with them on holidays etc.

On paper eow doesn't sound fair - I'd hate to go so long without seeing my children.
And lots of people work and need to take annual leave or arrange childcare in the school holiday, I don't think that should be a deciding factor really.

EOW is crap. I get that if the two parents live far from each other it’s unavoidable, but only having your child for 4 nights a month during term time is really rubbish.

I don't think contact with parents should be based on what is easier for the parents' jobs.
Contact should be established based on what is right for the children, appropriate for their ages and then the parents have to make it work.

I hope this isn't going to be another version of the resident parent being expected to solve the school holiday issues because the non resident parent considers the existence of their children to be a bit inconvenient.

I wouldn’t say it’s unfair but if (hypothetically) I was the one working term time and my ex was generally pretty good and reasonable then I’d be kind about it and say that they didn’t have to do half the holidays. DSDs mum doesn’t work and we probably do about 40% of the holidays as DH only gets 4.5 weeks holiday a year and we have to use family to do that 40% as it is.

Ok I would say 50/50 in hols is the obvious split unless it suits both parties to do something different. As term time only parent I might have them an extra week in the summer if that means more time with a parent rather than in childcare, but on the surface 6.5ish weeks childcare each doesn't seem unreasonable.

INSETs shouldn't be left to term time parent.

I think if the parents were together they probably would have tried for office worker to get a week or two off in the summer holidays to spend together and maybe tried for a day or two here and there in the other holidays.

Term time only parent has made a career choice that allows time off easily during school holidays and I think it would be unfair to expect the other parent to fully retrain to find a similar job.

So I think every other week and half holidays for the office parent is fair if office parent can get the time off. Otherwise term time parent should take on more of the holidays.

However it depends on factors like where they live, how old the children are, which is nearest school, where the children might want as their main base etc.

Why would insets be left to term time parent?

Sorry NeedaLittleNap I misread your post.

Far too many variables

If I was the term time one, I'd definitely rather my kid was with me in the holidays than in childcare. Unless they love holiday clubs of course.

@FeckinCat

The resident parent is fitting their working hours around their parenting responsibilities. The non-resident parent should be doing the same.

Ah yes because it's that easy. Where are these jobs that you get 7 weeks of annual leave or more? There are millions of parents who would like to know.

To be completely honest I don’t really mind either way as long as the DC are happy, but ExP had a bit of a rant about it to DD (although it hadn’t been suggested he have them one of the next two weeks, he could have if he wanted to) and it made me wonder if child contact is done differently if one parent works term times only. Maybe I’ll suggest he has them for the next 2 weekends if he likes? Although when it was 1 night every weekend instead of EOW he wasn’t happy about that either.

It's about putting needs of child(ren) first. If I was term time worker I'd rather my children were with me. I dont see the problem with changing the day during the week that they see the oew parent. I'd want them to have as much time as possible with that parent so I'd try to be flexible.

I would have thought the EOW parent would want to have as much time as poss in the holidays, given how little time they have at other points?

@OppsUpsSide

EOW parent is office hours. There isn’t an official agreement in place. Contact during the week was offered, but one parent wanted the day to change from week to week and the other parent wanted a set day each week so it hasn’t happened yet.

I’d find that very sad. The children would be able to see more of the NRP that way and flexibility should be a key element in shared parenting.

When we did ours, the amount of child maintenance paid differs depending on how many nights they are with the nrp. How many nights does the nrp pay for?

It's difficult to tell from your posts- but is the nrp wanting to see them just every other weekend and that's it?

I think its sensible your suggestion that if you have them during the 2 weeks of Easter that other parent could have them to full consecutive weekends.

@LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee

The parent working term time only has chosen to earn less in order to work less, same as the office parent could choose to cut their hours and earn less. It shouldn’t impact child visitation schedule.

You do know the term time only parent could actually be a Hedteacher on £90k a year don’t you?

He pays CM as though he has them the equivalent of 2-3 nights a week.

Then he needs to have them that many nights or pay more.

Really sad for you and the dc that he doesn't want to see them more. I'd be begging for more with eow only.

@OppsUpsSide

To be completely honest I don’t really mind either way as long as the DC are happy, but ExP had a bit of a rant about it to DD (although it hadn’t been suggested he have them one of the next two weeks, he could have if he wanted to) and it made me wonder if child contact is done differently if one parent works term times only. Maybe I’ll suggest he has them for the next 2 weekends if he likes? Although when it was 1 night every weekend instead of EOW he wasn’t happy about that either.

Was he wanting and able to provide more holiday contact? If so then if the children would like that then it should be half if possible.

I agree arethereanyleftatall. If the NRP isn't having his children for 2-3 nights a week then maintenance should reflect that.

It's depressing how ofte NRP manage to opt out of their children's life and how often they get to argue that they can't do school holidays. It's almost like they're incapable of making arrangements for their children when millions of other parents manage just that.

No he had a rant about it when DD said they are off for 2 weeks now and could go and see him during the week. It wasn’t aimed at DD it was aimed at me but said to DD (we haven’t had any direct contact in months).