To not know what to expect re starting primary school as a mum

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

DD starting primary school in September.
Worried about how DD will cope doing whole days and how she will adapt to a new possibly overwhleming environment where she doesn't know anyone and there's lots of bigger kids.
What do mums wear on the school run?
Is it true about "playground cliques" of mums?
What happens with playdates? Surely you dont just let your 4yr old go to the house of complete strangers?
Wondering how it all works?!
Thanks! x

I never gave a crap what I wore, and it hasn't affected my kid. We have play dates, I initiated lots of these, we now have a few we get on with and do regular ones with. If friendships are
Important, try play dates early- gives you some other parents you can call on in an emergency which is invaluable- juts the usual running 5 mins late watch DD for me ones, etc.

Honestly don’t worry about it, I knew most of the mums from preschool but the principal is the same.
Stay friendly with all the mums, ignore the gossip and don’t get dragged into any drama!
I’ve met my best friend on the playground but she’s a mum of the classmate of my youngest.
I’m friendly with plenty of others and we’ve been out for coffee or drinks but I try and stay out of cliques and playground drama, it can been a minefield!

We have just got our school offer for DD to start primary in September. I feel a bit awkward as I’ll only be able to pick her up one day a week so may take me a while to get acquainted with other parents. Hopefully there will be a class whatsapp group 😁

You could just do what I do and just drop them off and leave without uttering a word to anyone. I've successfully managed to avoid making any 'Mum friends' so far.

At our school I haven't noticed any cliques, everyone chats or at least says hi, i think children who haven't been in full time nursery might be a little tired at home time to begin with but soon get used to the routine. (Based on children i know)
No one had play dates for the first couple of months while the children and parents got to know each other, when we do have them the parents stay too.

We obviously have groups of mums that are more friendly with each other than other mums but no ‘cliques’ to speak of.

No-one I know cares about what anyone is wearing on the school run.

In reception in normal times there are normally a lot of all-class birthday parties (village halls, soft play etc). Usually parents stick around and it’s a good time to get beyond quick ‘hi how are you’ pleasantries at the school gate.

Playdates in reception normally after you’ve started to get a feel for who your DC is making friends with. Usually you’d stick around and chat to the parents for the first couple of times at least.

We’re in year 2 now and there’s about half a dozen mums i occasionally meet with socially. We have one family we childcare bubbled with through covid and we’re properly close. There a couple of other families we do play dates with occasionally (DS has quite a small friendship circle, it’s just his style, otherwise we’d do more)

I used to just turn up bang on time so I didnt have to get involved but I am quite anti-social... It is what you make it - some people love chatting to other parents in the playground.

@Toomuchtooyoung01

DD starting primary school in September. Worried about how DD will cope doing whole days and how she will adapt to a new possibly overwhleming environment where she doesn't know anyone and there's lots of bigger kids. What do mums wear on the school run? Is it true about "playground cliques" of mums? What happens with playdates? Surely you dont just let your 4yr old go to the house of complete strangers? Wondering how it all works?! Thanks! x

I have 4 in school.

They all are super tired at first but adapt really fast. Year R are often kept away from the biggest kids at lunch etc and especially with covid

Wear what you want. Sometimes I wear work gear, other times just casual. I never dress specifically for the school run lol

Some cliches, not that bad.

With playdates I usually got to know the mum or dad first.

You’re overthinking a bit
I wouldn’t change school because she doesn’t know anyone you must have picked that school for a reason
My eldest started school with some friends couple years on he’s friends with completely different people

”Primary school has been a brilliant addition to our lives.”

Yeah I’d agree with this on the whole. I was lucky in that three of my friends had children starting in the class at the same time but are rarely on the school run, two of them work FT. Perhaps we were the clique at first?! It took the edge off that first week having close friends on hand, but doesn’t make a massive difference overall.

I wasn’t particularly interested in making new friends but 1.5 years in and I’ve grown pretty fond of quite a few of the other parents. We’re lucky to have a village park next to the school and a large portion of DDs class go after school, you can’t help but get to know people in that situation.

Now in yr1, DD has started to spend time at her BFFs house without us, and vice versa but that was all initiated by her BFFs Mum who seems genuinely delighted to have her. The challenge for me has been trying not to take advantage of that because it’s less convenient for us to have her DD so frequently, so I feel bad I can’t reciprocate. I would say DD and her close friendship and unsupervised play dates is the exception rather than the norm still among her peers.

Also. I couldn’t GAF what I wear. I’m probably the token scruff bag. Never any makeup. Hair a wreck. Crumpled clothes covered in toddler grime. But like someone else said, that’s what I wear in my capacity WFH with a toddler and as such what I’d wear to get petrol/go to the corner shop - while it can have a social aspect, the school run is no different really.

Just go in your normal clothes.

As for play dates, no I wouldn’t have let mine go with people I don’t know not woukd I have a child I don’t know at my house without a parent.

Do parents usually get a welcome pack or information about the school etc? X

I have not found there to be cliques - groups of friends, yes, but not exclusive cliques. Having a few good friends at the school gate made a massive difference to me and my DC's primary experience - people to share lifts with to parties, to call on when you are running late to pick up, to go for a coffee after drop off with and complain about weird new school rules etc. It makes life easier for DC too, they are more likely to get invited to stuff, unfair but true. MN seems very keen to say just how awful the playground is for mums and I did not find it so. So my advice is be friendly and go to the first couple of class coffee mornings and see who you like. With playdates suggest that the parent comes too the first couple of times and then you guys can have coffee while the little ones play, or arrange to meet in a park. Being a class rep is thankless and loads of work, I did it for a couple of years and it doesn't come recommended! So be nice to class reps!