AIBU to not allow photos of DD to be shared on social media by local mum?

[Pigtailsandall]

I met a local mum friend in the park today, and we ran into two other mums and their toddlers. All our kids are around 18 months, and they were being very cute, passing sticks and dandelions to each other.

One of the mums I don't know well took a few lovely photos, and later, sharing them on WhatsApp, asked if she can post them on social media. I kindly asked her to exclude the ones of DD, because we don't post photos of her online, and I got a very cold response of "I see". The easy chat on WhatsApp has totally died too.

She had 4 photos without my daughter in them so I thought just use those. She's not linked to me on social media so I guess no one would know who DD is, so am I overreacting?

She has no right to share on SM without your permission. DD is your child and you make the rules.

YANBU your child, your choice.

I have a friend who would post my child's photos every time I sent her one on WhatsApp. She didn't listen when I asked her not to so I stopped sending photos. Now she tries to screenshot him when I FaceTime her. 😡

I personally don't think you should feel bad.

It’s totally up to you, and if it annoys her that is her problem.

It wouldn’t bother me personally.

@GoWalkabout

Well, she is annoyed, probably unfairly, but maybe you need to do some smoothing over.

Why does she? She said no and has every right to. She's done nothing wrong that she needs to 'smooth over'.

You are completely reasonable to have boundaries around your own child.
I don't have kids and I never post photos of any children on social media.
I also check with friends/family if it's ok to forward pictures or videos they send me to people who also know the children.
To be honest as an adult the only people I've known to have issues with my controlling my own image are the people who have issues with boundaries all over the place!
So if your contact with this woman lessens I wouldn't be too concerned.

It's common courtesy to ask if a child other than your own is in a photograph before you post it (or blur out kids in the background if it's a beach/park shot). And it's common courtesy to follow their answer. If it's no, it's no. End of story. No need to get arsy about it.

We were very careful what sort of photos we posted of DS when he was little and now he's a teenager we ask him if he's OK with us posting a photograph before we do it. That cute 10 year making faces can be mortifying for the 'cool' 15 year old a few years later!

I used to work alongside the police and council and have heard horrible stories of people being tracked through social media. One that sticks is a woman who fled domestic violence, moved to a different town. She didn't want any photos put on social media by the school, kids weren't allowed in newspaper articles about Christmas celebrations or whatever. Someone took a photo of her kid along with some others unbeknown to her and put it on. The kid was in school uniform. A friend of the dad saw it and told the dad (who had come up with a BS story of how she'd taken the kids away from him). Dad traced the school, waited outside for them and followed them home. Luckily she was OK but she had to move again.

Don't post photos of other peoples children. You have no idea what their lives are about and it's their decision whether to plaster SM with images, not someone elses.

@Allthingspeaches maybe she needs a firmer word. That’s a bit odd. Why is she so obsessed with posting your kid on the internet.

No you are not. She needs to respect your choice

YANBU at all.

Especially as you don't put pics of your DC on SM.

I wonder how she'd feel if you took pics of her and posted them on the internet without her knowledge/permission/understanding?

Because that's exactly the position most kids today are in.

@Pigtailsandall YANBU at all. It's your choice. This woman should be ashamed and embarrassed of her childish and petulant reaction. Silly woman.

YANBU but neither is she.

SM doesn’t bother me and I put pics of my kids up but your kids your rules

Personally I think it's being a bit precious.

I put the occasional pictures of my kids on social media. I don't share many because I agree with a pp that people aren't really interested in pics of other people's kids. So when people get quite precious about the whole "no photos on social media!" I just wonder who they think is so interested in their kids?

The whole safeguarding thing I don't really get. I wouldn't put nude photos of a child online. But I don't really see the risk of a paedophile seeing a photo online of my child playing in a park. The paedophile could just as easy be standing in the park watching 🤷‍♀️

In saying that, I wouldn't intentionally post photos of someone else's kids unless I knew they were ok with it. But equally, if they happen to be playing in the background of a photo of my kid, then so be it. That's life.

@tuttifuckinfruity for me it's not about safeguarding. It's about everyone's right to privacy.

Just because children are unable to voice their wishes over whether they want their images put on the internet, doesn't mean parents should have the right to do it imo.

Let them do it themselves when they're old enough to understand and make a informed decision.

I have friends with adopted children who's birth parents live relatively locally but are not allowed to know their location for child protection reasons.

If someone posted photos of them.on social media that could create massive problems for them.

I also have friends who have adopted and it's not public knowledge that the children are adopted.

There's all sorts of reasons to not want your children on social media.

I think you're perfectly within your rights to have said no, and that social media privacy is probably a good thing for children. However. Do you really not, ever, ever allow photos of your kids on SM? If you don't then great, but if you've actually put loads up yourself then this might be why your friend is being sniffy with you.

@JovialNickname

I think you're perfectly within your rights to have said no, and that social media privacy is probably a good thing for children. However. Do you really not, ever, ever allow photos of your kids on SM? If you don't then great, but if you've actually put loads up yourself then this might be why your friend is being sniffy with you.

From the OP

I kindly asked her to exclude the ones of DD, because we don't post photos of her online

[quote WorraLiberty]@tuttifuckinfruity for me it's not about safeguarding. It's about everyone's right to privacy.

Just because children are unable to voice their wishes over whether they want their images put on the internet, doesn't mean parents should have the right to do it imo.

Let them do it themselves when they're old enough to understand and make a informed decision.[/quote]
That's fair enough. But I only have friends and family on my social media. It's the same demographic of people who would have seen physical photos of me as a kid. And other neighbourhood kids / childhood friends would have been in those pics and it was never a problem.

I guess I'm assuming other people are the same. I can see someone's point if they are publicly sharing photos / videos to all kinds of public pages, or if it was something t the child could find embarrassing; otherwise it's just not something that would particularly bother me.