AIBU to not allow photos of DD to be shared on social media by local mum?

[Pigtailsandall]

I met a local mum friend in the park today, and we ran into two other mums and their toddlers. All our kids are around 18 months, and they were being very cute, passing sticks and dandelions to each other.

One of the mums I don't know well took a few lovely photos, and later, sharing them on WhatsApp, asked if she can post them on social media. I kindly asked her to exclude the ones of DD, because we don't post photos of her online, and I got a very cold response of "I see". The easy chat on WhatsApp has totally died too.

She had 4 photos without my daughter in them so I thought just use those. She's not linked to me on social media so I guess no one would know who DD is, so am I overreacting?

There's no need for dc pics to be all over sm. It's so easy to set up private family groups on messenger or WhatsApp.
And quite frankly no-one else is interested in looking at other people's dc.

YADNBU.
I post photos of my kids on social media, but will never post anyone else’s child on there - I just choose photos that only have my children in them. It just wouldn’t occur to me to post photos with other children in, even if I know their parents post photos of them on their own pages.

Similarly, I would not want someone to post photos of my children on their social media pages. My privacy settings are deliberately at the highest level. You can’t guarantee that someone else’s are.

YADNBU. Her response sounds childish.

Nope.
Don’t have pictures of children on social media (particularly fb as it’s much harder to lockdown with the whole ‘friend of friends’ option).

YANBU it's a personal decision as to whether you post photos of your child on social media.

Yanbu it’s up to you

As someone who doesn't have kids, this has always been a but hard for me to understand. This thread had really cleared things up in my mind. Thanks

I would definitely say no. Just because I have seen too many embarrassing baby photos in my time

and with the power of photo editing these innocent photos can be changed into anything

@LudoTrouble

I don't have a strong opinion either way, but I'm curious as to what people are afraid of? What realistically is the risk in having an unnamed picture of your child at the playground on someone's Facebook page?

I always wonder this too. I don't think Op is being unreasonable as it's her choice but I never understand why unless there are reasons a child should not be identified for legal reasons.

Not a poke at all at you Op. Just curious.

So having just read @CloudFormations post I can understand why now. That's truly horrifying!

You've done nothing wrong imo.

Well, she is annoyed, probably unfairly, but maybe you need to do some smoothing over.

I'd phone her. Talking is always better.

YANBU. In the past I've had to tell people not to share photos of DS or to take photos down. I remember my family found it bizarre when he was small but everyone who knows us is used to it now.

I agree with the PP who said the internet and social media is all relatively new. I would hate to have grown up and realised my mum had shared loads of my baby photos on the internet, so I don't want to do it to DS.

She’ll think you’re being precious but you shouldn’t care, it’s your choice and she asked.

I voted YANBU because I had a thorough shock last year - an old newspaper photo came up online of a local figure involved in a national sex scandal. The modern caption described him as with "his family". It was me and my siblings as children, taken at a school fete (and labelled correctly at the time, eg Mayor West with local children - I remember my parents showing me the clipping when it was first published). It really shocked me and I wasn't able to get the description changed or the photo removed. It's really changed my opinion of photos of kids on social media - I wish my parents hadn't let me be in the local paper for something so innocuous - 30 years later I have no control about how it's being misdescribed (not least because he has his own kids) and due to the nature of the scandal I don't want to be associated with him in any way.

Nothing shocking has happened to me but I will say that I have a Snapfish account and it allows you to print off the photos of anyone you are friends with on Facebook including ones they are tagged in, very odd.

Yanbu. For all she knows, you could have escaped DV and your child could be at risk of being found if on sm. The lady is being presumptuous to think everyone is OK about sm.
Not saying that's your case but yanbu.

YANBU OP.

In honesty there's probably not much harm in one untagged picture of your child in a group of others, but you're well with your rights to have a 0 tolerance policy.

I sometimes wonder what the fallout will be when today's kids reach adulthood and the choice as to whether or not to be private online has been taken from them already. When social media was born we all had a choice as to whether to be active / visible or not, and to what level we were comfortable with. Many kids will find their whole early lives posted indelibly online as a fait accompli.

Why did she bother asking if she was going to be sniffy about the response? YANBU.

Yanbu to not want pictures up, but equally she’s not being unreasonable if it makes her realise you’re a little different and probably not natural good friends and she cools it off.
Probably her kind of people say ‘of course, can you add me on social media too so I can see them?’ and it’s a way into getting to know each other. To her maybe it’s just a little distancing.

It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong, or bad or anything else. You’re just a little different in boundaries and thought processes. Say hi and be friendly if you see her around, I’m sure she will too. Not a big deal.

I’ve learnt I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, that’s cool, we don’t argue or anything. However I know there’s a lot of mums who we just don’t really click and it’s tiring to force it. I don’t though dislike them.

You’re fine to say no. I have lots of photos of my son on social media.
Friends of ours have no social media presence whatsoever, so I wouldn’t dream of putting photos with their children in them online.

YANBU. Some people have a really skewed relationship with social media- one of my friends is like this- she seems to think the photo is almost pointless if she can’t put it online? We don’t allow photos of DS to be posted by others- we have abusive family members we are NC with, and have no idea who our friends (or their friends) might be connected with. I occasionally put a photo up with DS in, but am very careful to never show his face.

Yanbu.
I don't share pictures of my children on social media so I wouldn't want other people to either.

I’ve been there op! As a nanny it’s actually in my contract no pictures on social media and I am fine with that as I won’t be putting my own kids on social media either.

But I take him to a few classes and this granny was filming and I had to say please stop. He’s not allowed on social media and boy did she get stroppy with me.

@LudoTrouble

I don't have a strong opinion either way, but I'm curious as to what people are afraid of? What realistically is the risk in having an unnamed picture of your child at the playground on someone's Facebook page?

Because they will be on the internet forever and you have no control over what other people do e.g innocently share them to a public group where a stranger uses them to make memes etc. Also the child hasn’t given consent, they are too young. I’d have been mortified if my mum put some of my childhood pictures online.